Tuesday, June 28, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 9
Previous chapters are archived here

In Which Dawn Ascends


The Sun is the Divine Flashlight.

Yes, the dawn is the Great Security Man in the Sky, his Flashlight in hand, as he finds you curled up and drunk along his beat. The Sun is his unwavering Flashlight, suggesting that you had better move along or there will be Trouble.

The Sun is shining though a tiny hole in the blinds right into my eyes.




Like Gulliver in Lilliputia, I can't quite move. Tilt head, focus eyes.


The first thing that catches my eye is my underwear drawer. Pulled almost entirely out, there is red hair and a little hand hanging out of it. This does not bode well, Reality-wise.

Next Visual Stop: Two Drawers Down. My sock drawer is likewise almost off the runners, with two feet sticking out the top. Judging by the apparent lack of socks in the drawer, its occupant is an active sleeper. Violently active.

My feet have amiable company. Hakkai has found a tiny pillow and borrowed a hand towel to make a chibi camp-bed at the foot of mine.

Sanzo, on the other hand, must have taken the pillow right out from under my head, the little bastard. He has turned the pillow into a cushy chibi-bed fit for a king. It is a precious source of vengeful joy to see that the socks that Goku has tossed in his nightly ramblings have landed on the sleepless mini-monk like wooly missiles of justice.

That only leaves one unaccounted for.





Reach over shoulder. Remove Kougaiji from hair.


"Meep!"





What is with those bloody nightcaps? Do the outsized heads get abnormally cold?

I mean, color-coded pyjamas to avoid mix-ups I can understand, but the nightcaps are really pushing it. What possible purpose could the little pom-pom on the end serve?




"I..." The Little Prince begins.

"Hold it."

"Mrrf?"

"Do you have anything to say that doesn't involve your opinion of me?"

This question appears to require serious enough thought to shut down the remainder of Kougaiji's brain.

Run! Run while you still can!




I make it almost to the door.

"When's breakfast? I'm staaaaaarving..." There go the rest of my socks.

"I hope everyone slept well." Hakkai pulls on fuzzy bunny slippers and passes by my knees on the way to the kitchen, presumable to put the coffee on.

"Sweet Mother of Mercy! Look at all these Panties! Heaven has Lace!!!"

There is a brief, smothering pause.

"Well at lease someone slept well." grumbles Sanzo from beneath the pile of socks.





Bathroom. I need the bathroom. If for no other reason than the lock on the door.





I carefully avoid the mirror; usually a wise idea in the morning. This morning, not so wise.

There are five tiny toothbrushes in a cup on the counter. They have little handles and outsized heads. They also are color-coded for easy identification, which strikes me as an even better idea than the jammies.

In an effort to get away from the ridiculous cuteness, my eyes wander up to the mirror - only to spot sleepy-eyed Kougaiji climbing onto the counter.

I look at the shut door.

He must have been... attached... to me somehow.

I look at the sleepy chibi.

He yawns hugely: an enormous mouth, full of pointy teeth.




"You can't be in here right now."

Big sleepy eyes blink up at me. The nightcap pom-pom bobbles.

"I need a shower. So you can't be... here."

The enormous eyes blink again. There is processing going on.

Suddenly it hits me: the memory of The Bawling.

Oh hell... what have I done?

Blink blink, go the Chibis eyes.

The mouth opens.

"Good Mowning!"




Sigh.





I should not be required to use my brain this early in the morning. Need shower. Must remove über-chibi first. Salt works on leeches, duct tape on warts, rum on...

I open the bathroom door, absently heading in the direction of the rum.

Gojyo is outside the door, attempting to work a cordless power drill. Thankfully this has proved nigh-impossible for the Littlest Pervert. This may be because he has replaced his night cap with a pair of panties which keep falling over his eyes, or it may be because his fluffy teddy bear is still clenched firmly under one arm.




Bingo!




Toothpaste foam has made Kougaiji, Fierce and Noble Youkai Prince look rather rabid, as I pick him up off the counter. He spontaneously hug-attaches, but I think I know a cure...

"Ah! It's not what it looks like! I was just holding this for... uh... Goku!" Goku, headed in the general direction of breakfast, has a power drill dropped on him.

"What the hell? What are you doing, you perverted Kappa!?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all! And you should really stop trying to look in at ladies who are showering."

"Me? Why would I..."




I pull Kougaiji off my shirt.

"Meep!"

"Kougaiji, I can you do me a favor?"

Against all biological possibility, his big eyes grow even bigger. Chubby shoulders square, and he snaps to Chibi-Attention.

"Anyfing!"



Gojyo and Goku are now trying to back away as inconspicuously as possible.

"I want to take a shower, but Gojyo is going to try to peep on me." ("Wasn't me! That's totally unproven!") "I want you to stop him, and anyone else, from disturbing me. You got that?"

"I wuv you!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

I set the Little Prince on the ground, slightly disturbed by the steely concentration in his sparkly eyes, and close the door.




The next thirty minutes are pure aquatic peace, punctuated only by the occasional thumps, screams and assorted ominous noises. These are easily ignores. After all, I have a cat.






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