Monday, July 18, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 11
Missed the boat? Catch it here.

"I have to work." Saying it out loud doesn't seem to improve my odds of doing it. Still, it's somewhat comforting to hear a voice that isn't coming from knee-level.

Disengage from the kitchen table. Attach to the desk in front room. Idly pick up files, open, close. Drink coffee.




Is someone watching me? This eerie feeling is stopping me from pretending to concentrate...

Oh. Right.



Kougaiji, Heir of the Ox King, is sitting on the floor staring up at me with adoring eyes.


Try to work.

Damnit, that's not working.

Turn on computer. Stare at screen.

Huge liquid eyes, staring like a lobotomized teddy bear.



I can't take this anymore.



"Squee!" goes the chair as I grab an empty cardboard shipping box.

Upturn box. Drop over Kougaiji.

Problem solved. Back to work.



Pick up folders, open, close...

The box begins to wander around the room, bumping into things.

Stare at the screen. Move mouse.


The box stops in the center of the room and starts emitting odd noises. This is easy to ignore: I have a cat. Cats make all manner of odd noises. They do not, it should be noted, stare at one with adoring eyes. It's just not their thing; whereas noises are well within their specialization.

The box noises stop abruptly.

"Engo-cutie!"



The box explodes and a fiery monster roars around the room. It would be a very scary monster, if it were more than a foot and a half tall and didn't have long eyelashes on all three eyes. Cuteness aside, its explosive appearance scatters bits of flaming box on various flammable objects around the room before it vanishes with a little puff of smoke.

I spend a moment considering whether to let the place burn down and hope it takes the little buggers with it. In that time, the other chibis appear in little fireman outfits, and put out the flames using a plant mister and ornamental watering can.

My executive house-burning decision is no longer needed.



Kougaiji plops down in the center of the room.

"...snnnnniiiiiiiifffff...."

Emergency! Emergency! Bawl detected! Howling Flood! Must avert Typhoon Chibi!!

"Whoops! Ha ha, didn't see you there. Sorry about that..." Grab forlorn chibi.

"Sniiiiii...." Obviously the regular remedies will not be enough to combat the oncoming tantrum. My limited experience with children tells me that at this point I can either make him feel useful...

... and end up with nothing done at all, and possibly the place on fire...

... or I can bribe.

For children and government employees, the odds of 'bribery to go away' versus 'being at all useful' come up heavily in favor of the graft.



Carry snotty (explosive?) chibi into kitchen. Grab cushion from chair, cookie from jar.

Back to desk: cushion on top of pile of folders.

Hug chibi.

"Heeee...." Try not the feel silly.

(Try not to smile.)

((Feel silly for trying not to smile...))

Put chibi on cushion, insert cookie.

"Munch, munch, munch..."

Apparently all is forgiven.



Since when do I have a cookie jar?



Forget it. Try to work.





Finish checking e-mail.

Something jumps into my lap.

Kougaiji is asleep, drooling on the folders. He is, therefore, not on my lap.


I love my kitty. She is a very good kitty, as cats go.

Scratch soft fuzz behind the pointy ears. Purring commences.

All is well with the world.


Work in relative peace.

Forget to scratch for a moment. Soft head nudges my hand, claws knead my leg. Resume scritches of ears.



"Eek!"

They have me well trained. I can no longer ignore screaming, no matter how much I want to.

Goku is peeking out from under the ottoman, staring at my lap. He is shaking like an ancient Chihuahua in a snowstorm.

Glance at Kougaiji: Definitely Sleeping.

Look at lap.



Chibi Youkai Hakkai looks up at me and smiles widely. He has a lot of jagged teeth. I have a Gremlins flashback.

While he's quite scary to look at, it is still more disturbing that he is still cute. How? Powerful thing, this 'Chibiness'.

My hand reflexively continues to scratch his ears.



"Ah, Goku..." Youkai Hakkai intones.

"Eek!" Goku sounds just like a little monkey.

"Have you found where my limiters went yet?"

"Um... here!" Goku runs up, tosses the little earring onto the desk and scoots back under the ottoman with the speed of a cat that knows it's vet time.

"Thank you." Hakkai slips the limiters back on, and returns to normal with a little puff of smoke and sparkle. "Sorry about that. Goku took my limiters off..."

"It was accidentally on purpose!"

"You really should think before you act." Hakkai scolds from my lap. Goku stares at the floor and shuffles his feet. "Now we'll have to get the nice lady a new ottoman... and a chair, too, it looks like. Funny, I don't remember doing that one..."

"Oh, no." I observe absently. "It was like that. The cat, you know."

"Ah. I see."

"I'm sorry." says Goku.

"Don't worry about it," I say, idly tapping the mouse. "At least the furniture matches now."



A few minutes of blessed silence, broken only by Kougaiji's little snores.

"Um... sorry? I really should get the kitchen cleaned up. You could stop scratching my ears now if that's alright..." Hakkai approaches the subject gently.

"Oh. Right."

"Though that was very nice. Thank you."

"No problem."

Chibi Not-So-Youkai Hakkai gives me a hug before leaping down. I'm not sure if the whole world is happier. It seems to make him happy, anyway. But then, he seems like a cheerful little guy.



... I really don't remember buying a cookie jar. Cookies come in packages made of sturdy foil and plastic as it is. Why would I do all that work to re-package something I'm just going to eat anyway?

Whatever. Work!


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