Monday, August 1, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 13
Missed a beat? Catch up here.

Reboot computer. It's chugging. Chugging like a freshman at a frat party, chugging like a choo-choo train, chugging like... a tired metaphor that just won't die.

Log in.

Still chugging.




Whack monitor a few times. While there is no physical way that this could make the processor work better, I find it also decreases the odds of breaking said processor.

"What the hell is wrong with you today, Wallace?"




Awkward: (defn.) the feeling evinced by three pairs of eyes being focused silently upon you, one pair still blinking sleepily. This feeling may be intensified by a voice echoing from guard duty outside the loo, "Who's Wallace?"



The sun slips over the edge of the roof, and a sunbeam falls on Kougaiji, instantly defeating him. He's snoring before he hits the cushion.

"Mmmm... yes pwease, Mummy! More cookies... mmmmrfgl..."

Unfortunately, the cushioned thud and muffled mumbling fails to distract the Inquisition. Who Stare. Or shout, "Can we eat Wallace?"



"I named the computer. Wallace."

"Oh."

Log in... Dammit, I hate this thing!

"Did it help?" Hakkai inquires.

"No!" Whack, whack. Whack-whack-whack. "It's chugging worse today than ever before."

"Like an alcoholic at All You Can Drink Night?" Gojyo snickers.

"What was that?" I ask whilst whacking Wallace. "I can't hear you, Mr. Silly Moustache."



Gojyo's cussing follows him out of the room as he goes in search of glue remover to take off the remainder of his Hug Doctor costume.

... Rum would take that off, no problem.

And now I think about it, it's hot in here and...



"I noticed it was running a little slow when I used it to buy groceries this morning." Hakkai volunteers, since he's the volunteering sort.

"Who what now?" With what when? How?

"Ah ha ha... It was on when I got up this morning, so I used Sanzo's card to order grocery delivery online. I thought you wouldn't mind, since now we don't have to go out..."

"But I didn't leave it on. I didn't even turn it on yesterday." Is my eye twitching? I think it's twitching. Does that happen when people see things that aren't there for extended periods of time?

"It was on when I came out, and I shut it down after..."

"Fu fu fu fu fu..."




Look at Gojyo. He immediately starts whistling and studying the drapes. There is a little halo above his head, held in place by a stick, which he is trying to hide from view with his antennae.

Hakkai grabs Gojyo with blinding speed, gags him and ropes him completely from head to toe. Which reminds me of something I've seen before, but for the life of me, I can't thing what.



"Tsk." tsks Hakkai. "What have you been up to? You know we need a safe place to stay until we can get back to Chibigenkyo."

Turn on the desk light. Point at Gojyo's face.

It just seems like the right thing to do.

"What did you do to Wallace?" I ask the squinting chibi.

Hakkai pulls the gag.

"I'll never talk! Never!! You'll have to..."



Pick up sleeping Kougaiji. Aim at Gojyo. With one hand, pull back the top of the Little Prince's head, exposing his pointy teeth.

"Eek! N... no!"

Open, shut. Open, shut! "Chomp, chomp, chomp." I intone over Kougaiji's continuing snores.

"It was Sanzo's idea!" Gojyo breaks like an expensive electronic device in the mouth of a two year old. "He wanted to buy something, I don't know what. He wouldn't let me see! Besides that, we just looked at some pictures, that's all..."

"Chomp!"

"I swear that's all! I need a huuuuuuuuuggg...." The last ends in pitiful sobbing.




Return Kougaiji to cushion. Status: Still Sleeping.



Pictures? Glance at the Snottiest Pervert. He's once again free, and receiving the sympathetic back-pat from Hakkai.

Pictures.

Uh oh.


My Documents folder is... full. No wonder Wallace is chugging.

Take a deep breath. Breath out, as a scream preventative.

Open first picture.






Two kittens. Playing with a ball of string.

Next picture: Kitten wearing a little raincoat.

Next: A basket of kittens. Then several shots of various grey cats. A persian.




"...what?"



"Well, you know Sanzo and kittens." Hakkai says from his perch on my shoulder. Dammit, I am not furniture!

"Sanzo and kittens." I state. Select files. Move to outside storage. Hear Wallace whir a sigh of digital relief.

"Yes... um."

"It was all his idea!" Gojyo snots. "Once he gets started, you can't stop him. I just went to bed after a while. It wasn't my fault! I need a huuuuuuuuug..."




Reboot. Chugging ceases.

Glance at Gojyo. Pat on the head, avoiding snot bubble.

"All better!" smiles the resilient chibi. Wait a sec, did I just pat him on the head? The stress must be getting to me.




Pause




"Where is my cat, anyway? I haven't seen her all day."

"Well..."

"Hold it... do you smell smoke?"


For proof that Sanzo loves kittens, try this.

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