Monday, August 8, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 14
Can't follow the tune? Previous chapters archived here.

"Hold that thought, Hakkai...I smell smoke."

"Oh, I hope it's not the cookies!" Hakkai runs off in the direction of the kitchen. However, even in his sleep Kougaiji's ears twitch at the mention of cookies...



But this doesn't smell like burning confectionery. Burning sugar doesn't make my eyes run or my nose twitch. As I follow the smoke towards its source, it also occurs to me that cookies rarely burn in the bathroom. Especially when the shower is running.

I should have known something was up when the singing stopping.



I tower over guardian Goku, the chibiest of chibis.

Reach for the door.

"I can't let you in there. Sanzo said!" Goku squeaks up at me, pencil-length Nyoi-Bo in hand.

"You're a foot tall. What are you going to do about it?"

Goku pauses, deep in thought. Why wait for him to come up for air? Reach for the door.

Goku suprises me with a vicious tug on the pant-leg.

"What now?"

Huge baby-monkey eyes stare up at me... and ominously begin to fill with liquid.

"I'll cry."

"Bloody hell."





Twitch.




"Look." When force fails, one must resort to reason. "He's been in there a long time, so someone should check on him. He might have drowned... or set himself on fire..."

"But Sanzo said..."

"I'll just knock. He didn't say not to knock."

"But."

"Knocking. Doesn't. Hurt." My head hurts. Allergies? Brain tumor, maybe? A symptom of my on-going schizophrenic episode? Too much sugar?

"'kay."




Knock knock.

"Who's there?" Comes a voice from within.

"The person whose bathroom you're smoking in, you little monster monk!"

"... little monster monk who?" responds the voice, muffled by the sound of the shower.

"Little monster monk who's going for a ride in the blender if he doesn't turn on the fan, open the window and put that damn thing out! I'm swelling up out here."

"Can't hear you over the shower, woman!" Replies the bottom of the door. "And anyway, I can't reach the fan switch. Or the goddamn window..." The door continues to mutter.

"If you could hear all of that, you little..."





Commotion from the kitchen and the sudden appearance of Gojyo interrupts our comparatively quiet 'tête-à-door'.

"C'mon, you guys! You've gotta see this!" the Kappa pants.

"Yes, Goku." I cajole through gritted teeth. "Go with Gojyo. I'll stay here and make sure nothing happens to Sanzo..."

"Eek!" squeaks Goku... yet he dutifully remains between me and the door. Oh, what loyalty, what courage... what an idiot...




"Forget all that!" In his excitement, Gojyo starts leaping up and down like a little red frog. "You guys are totally missing the show!"

Loud noises from the kitchen pound their way into my awareness momentarily. But, 'one thing at a time' is the best way to handle things. AA taught me that. Or at least, their pamphlet did.

"What's going on?" The noises have gotten Goku's attention as well. As he leans towards the kitchen, I lean towards the door. Through it, the sound of newspaper pages being turned can just barely be heard over the shower.

He's probably even doing the crossword in there, that malicious...

"Hakkai was just taking cookies out of the oven and Kougaiji got wind of it. He's trying to steal the cookies, and Hakkai's on the defensive. It's like the Muppets meets Fight Club in there, man, you've gotta see this!"

"Hakkai made cookies?!"




Goku's exercise in selective hearing is interrupted by the doorbell. Mental Note: Disconnect doorbell - nothing good comes of doorbells. Next Mental Note: Drink whatever is left of the rum upon entering the kitchen, whatever else may be encountered there.



...I am absolutely certain I do not own a jar with the word "Cookies" on it. I don't even particularly like cookies. I drink far more rum than milk and you can't dip cookies in rum.

Bloody hellfire, Shut UP, Mr. Doorbell!



"Not a moment too soon!" hollers the shower.

Suddenly, the bathroom door flings open and a blond streak whips by my legs. It is, quite thankfully, not a streaking streak of blond, but fully dressed in its accustomed monking suit. This is as one might expect from someone who was smoking and reading the paper, and not, in fact, showering.

To Sanzo's credit, his hair is still wet.




The monkey has abandoned his post and is in hot pursuit of the monk.

Reach into bathroom. Turn on fan; turn off shower. Open window; close door.




I feel like I'm forgetting something important.

Quietly curse all things miniature.

Feel slightly better.

Mr. Doorbell has stopped...



I know it's short... I'm running on fumes...
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