Monday, October 10, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 17
In Which There are Threats

Previous Chapters are available here.





The rum is in the kitchen, and that's where I'm going, come hell or high water!



Somewhere along the way, two surviving brain cells accidentally meet in the musty corridors of my mind. They move politely to shake hands, and the dry air causes a spark.



Grab obfuscating chibi. Lift to blurry eye level.

"Where the hell is my cat, you little green monster?"

"Excuse me, I'm not green at all..."

Turn Hakkai upside down.

"Cat." I state with emphasis.

"Yeek!" he responds.

"Hey! What are you doing to Hakkai?" I've caught the attention of two of his little helpers, while Kougaiji continues to unpack, in search of cookies I bet. Gojyo and Goku may be trying to look threatening. I have a headache the size of Kilimanjaro, and I'm feeling improbably sober... ish. At the moment, I'd be willing to take them on full size.

I'd get my ass kicked, but...

"Cat! That's what I'm asking, where is my c-"

"Shhhhhh!"




Three fingers cross three sets of lips in unison, even if one is dangling upside down by an ankle.



My stupid eye is twitching again.



"Step into the kitchen, won't you?"

What else can I do? She's my kitty. And for some reason, Hakkai looks so trustworthy with those glasses on.



"Cat." I repeat in the kitchen.

"Yes. She's quite safe and happy, I assure you."

"Where."

Hakkai sways gently from one ankle, and approaches the topic with care. "You are aware that Sanzo has a ... Kitten Problem?"

"What?"

"Oh yes. I call it the 'Kougaiji Effect': His eyes become unusually sparkly and he develops a fixation that causes him to ... um... affix himself to the object. Feline, in his particular case."

Glance to the right. Kougaiji has materialized on my shoulder, where he smiles beatifically and hugs my neck. I've gotten to used to the weight, I guess I don't even notice anymore.

I wonder if I'm becoming a hunchback?




"So," continues Hakkai, "for her own safety, we..."

Shake blabbering chibi lightly.

Hakkai's hair fluffs out and his glasses go askew.

"Yes?" He returns his attention to me. Which is good. You shouldn't ignore someone who's holding you upside down by the ankle.

"Where's my cat, Hakkai? I won't ask again."

Eyes meet blurry eyes. I can't stop mine from twitching. I hope it makes me look edgy. Kougaiji hugging my neck and humming "You Are My Sunshine" does not make me look edgy.

I look meaningfully at the blender. I has plenty of edges.




Sigh. Meaningfully. Close eyes. Shake head.




"Um..." Hakkai looks down... no, up at his shoes. "I'm sorry. Nerves, you know. Yes, she's in the basement with plenty of food and..."

Hakkai must have taken landing lessons from my cat. He hardly makes a sound when dropped, and lands neatly on his feet.

"The Basement?!"

"She's quite happy down there, and..."

"But! The Basement?!" The black pit of forgotten laundry and discarded, broken... things?

"It was quite a relief for her. Sanzo is very fluffy right now, and she was getting hairballs from..."

"But!"

"And there's the risk of diabetes, you see, from..."

"Gah!"




I follow my eloquent outburst with a mad dash to the stairs and down, smacking the light switch to illuminate the disaster below.




The cat is fine.

She gives me The Look, often seen by cat owners who try to 'rescue' the animal from napping in a previously undiscovered hiding place.

She's been brushed, which I never do, and her claws are trimmed, which I only do when she reminds me by scratching me.

And someone has been doing my laundry.



Leave, self-esteem utterly destroyed.




The stairs feel like Kilimanjaro. My headache is now the entirety of the Alps. And Hakkai is there, on ground level, giving me a sympathetic look.

"You know what you need?" He begins.

"A shotgun." Oh, yes.

"A nap."

"Nap."

"Sanzo gets cranky in the afternoon if he doesn't get a nap."

This image of the badly-behaved, heavy-drinking priest having to go down for a snooze momentarily throws my pace.

"Nap? Sanzo?"

"Chibis love naps."




I feel a twinge of empathy for cattle as I am gently herded to my bedroom. Kougaiji is already pre-napping on my pillow.

Remove royal chibi. Put in hallway.

Tears of objection form in his eyes even before his feet touch the ground.




Exhaustion, confusion and a strange sense impending doom tap a deep well of instinctive knowledge within me. That knowledge bypasses my broken brain, transmitting directly to my face. The ensuing facial expression cuts through the pink chibi fog to Kougaiji's inner survivor.

'Now is not the time for a tantrum,' telegraphs my face.

'A tantrum would lead to punishment, or a Sigh, or perhaps even the dreaded Crying Parent.' my face continues.

Meanwhile, all my brain manages to crank through thinking is, 'Hakkai may be on to something. I certainly wish I was unconscious right now.'




Kougaiji skips over and hugs my ankle. Then, much to my surprise, he lets go, and smiles up at me.

"Smeep well!" He grins, then shuts the door softly on his way out.



I feel rather small.

I wonder if it's Chibi-itis... or whatever.




Who cares. Mr. Pillow has made an excellent argument for snnrft-



New Chibi Fan Art is available, done by teh1337kw33n! Poor wittle Gojyo looks like he needs a hug...
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