Monday, February 13, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 28
Missed previous chapters? They're here.

Dr. McNinja does not belong to me. Neither does the chair I am sitting on.

Part 28:In Which Memory Serves

My kitchen is, once again, full of exploding pigs.

I mean chibis. Not exploding ones; ones frying bits of unexploded pig, the smell of which drifts gently through the house, dragging even the most hung-over out of bed.

What do they put in that stuff that makes it smell so good?




A repetitive formula seems to be developing, as if a set pattern of comedy is required for mornings. Hakkai cooks, and is generally helpful. The others get in the way and break my things.

I suppose it's a worthwhile trade. At least this way I get a good breakfast.




Sanzo, momentarily refraining from breaking stuff, is reading the paper. Not the sane, big paper, with its stories about wars and diseases; he's reading the Chibi Times. I wonder who delivers it? A very little person on a very little bicycle?

Today's bold headline reads: "Vicious Attack!"

The story follows: "Victims are receiving treatment after a series of Attempted Snugglings yesterday. According to reports, the assailant snuck up
behind each victim, apparently at random, and the vicious Snuggling took place in broad daylight."

"Police are looking for someone with a warm blanket and a very big smile."




Coffee.

I need coffee. And those pill-

Shi... oot!




"I remember what I forgot!" I'm such a moron! "I mean, I forgot, but I... remembered what I forgot to remember. That is, I..." ... drift off.

Hakkai gently sets a cup of coffee into my widely gesturing hand.

"Sit down, dear, before you hurt yourself."

I follow instructions.

Which is exactly what I forgot to do yesterday.




"Take With Food" it says on the container. I took plenty of food, but none of the damn pills!


"I forgot my pills." Mumble aloud, with only slightly more clarity despite the coffee infusion. Immediately regret my confession when all eyes focus intently on me.

"Well that explains everything." Sanzo sneers, then returns to reading up on Snuggle-Proofing tips for the Thinking Chibi.




"That's what I was going to say..." I may as well think aloud anyway. After all, why bother trying to save face in front of people who don't exist? "Except, I don't think they're meant to prevent hallucinations."

"Hmmm..." Hakkai re-fills my coffee, with a look of genuine concern on his little, round face. "Have you been having hallucinations?"







My eye. It's twitching.

What were those pills for, anyway? Did they prevent this nasty eye-twitch? Or were they meant to stop hallucinations from getting cute with me?

Either way, this could be the easy, edible solution I've been looking for.




Consume "Food".

Open bottle on table to "Take With".

Empty?

No pills here.




Microwave, alternative pill-storage site.

This bottle is empty.

No pills anywhere.




"Oh!" Hakkai smacks his adorable little forehead. "You need to refill your prescriptions. I noticed they were empty yesterday, but I forgot to..."

"I'm out of refills." That's what it says on the bottle. Sabotage? Are they sabotaging my sanity?

Look a Hakkai. Facial expression: Totally Trustworthy^TM.

He speaks: "You had better make an appointment right away, then."

"Aw, Hakkai, what's the rush? She's doing pretty good without them..." Gojyo's facial expression: Totally Untrustworthy, but Not Sneaky About It (patent pending in Chibigenkyo). He might steal my underpants for his evil plans, but not my pills.

"Now, Gojyo," Hakkai is the chibi Voice of Reason. "You don't know what they're for. They might be... blood pressure pills or something."

"She's a head case. It's obvious." Dr. McSanzo MD provides an immediate diagnosis. The little jerk.

"Yes, but she might have other conditions that need treatment." Yeah! See, Hakkai's got it... wait. What does he mean, 'yes, but'?

Dammit.




Pick up phone. Dial.

Receptionist is way too happy.

I bet she's medicated.

"Yeah, hi." My own automated response. "I need an appointment."

"And the reason for your visit?"

Look slowly around the kitchen: Hakkai has built a fortress out of toast to protect himself from Goku and Gojyo's latest food throwing/spraying argument. The Entertainment section of today's Chibi Times features the movie Pulp FanFiction.

The article reads, "He wanted all the hugs to himself. Everyone knew he was too cute to stop. They needed a plan..."

Apparently it all ends in cuddles.




"Uh..." How exactly can I put that without the cops showing up outside? "I'm out of all my pills. And I'm seeing things. Little people. They won't go away. And they redecorated my bathroom."

Is the line dead? It's awfully quiet down there.

"Have you been drinking?" Ah, she knows me so well. Or it's written on my file. Whichever, that reminds me...

"Good point." Top up half-empty coffee with rum from the fridge. Sip as quietly as possible. "Mmm. Bit better. But I still think I need to come in for the pills. Can I?"

"...yes. Yes, you can."

"Kay. Uh... see you in a bit then."

"No more alcohol!" The not-so-cheerful receptionist screeches before I can hang up. "You're driving. No drinking!"





Silence.

The chibis are staring at me.

Ignore them.

Smile sweetly at the phone. "No problem. Bye." Hang up. "I'll just take the bus." Finish the sentence to a dead line.

Except the bus stop is so far away. And it's cold outside. And the chibis are staring at me.

My own hallucinations don't believe I can do it.




Sigh.




I guess it's just coffee, then. For now.





By the Way: This story is nowhere near over. You'll know when it's actually over, (and when I will move over to posting Chibis Gone Wild only) because the Chibis will be back in Togenkyo and back to Full Size. Until then, it ain't over!

There's a plot a'comin in! Wait for it...
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