Wednesday, April 12, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 32
Previous comical hijinks are here.

Part 32:In Which There is a Breakdown

The blond fern is sitting on a chair, a three-year-old copy of "Cat Fancy" balanced against its pot. The receptionist's piercing gaze passes over this odd plant behavior, and right bores into me.

"You haven't brought alcohol in with you, have you?" she demands.

Pat pockets: Wallet, keys, loose change... lint...

"Uh, no. But there's a store down the street if you're really desperate."

She laughs an icky laugh and walks off down the hall, no doubt in search of a tidy place to store a messy drunk.

Everyone thinks I'm so... comical, lately. Ha ha.




"Well!" The 14-inch tropical is obviously scandalized. It fiddles with its monocle and neatens the pamphlets. "She wasn't very hospitable. How are you supposed to get help for your hallucinations, when..."

"It comes from working with head-cases all the time." The blond fern interrupts. "I understand. Perfectly."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The tea roses have taken offense at this statement, and are marching across the chairs purposefully when the receptionist returns.

"I have a room for you." She ushers me away quickly. "Just through here..."

The last thing I hear before the door closes is a familiar voice turning up the charm:

"So... do you have a room for me, sweet cheeks?"





What am I thinking? I just left her alone with them!

...fine. They can get cute with her, for a change. Who knows? It might cheer her up.

I feel oddly merciless today, as if all the mercy has drained from my body like the blood has drained from Kougaiji's favorite arm. I wonder why?

Maybe it's because I didn't bring any alcohol in with me.






Before my conscience has a chance to catch up with me, Dr. Albrect Fraid enters and starts asking difficult questions, like: "How are you?" and "Is your previous insurance still valid?"

It's all very cathartic.





"I see..." says Dr. Fraid, upon hearing a portion of my story. "Zee little people, zhey arrived a few days ago?"

I can't help thinking he'd make a good door-to-door Hug Doctor.

My conscience hits me like a brick wrapped in Judgment.

Oh bugger.





"Yes, and I left a few of them out with your..."

"Unt zen you made zis doll?" He seems fascinated with Kougaiji. What is it with people staring at him? Anyone would think he was... irresistibly cute, or something.

Kougaiji, on the other hand, is trying to sink back inside Mr. Jacket, and keeps making little growling noises that I hope are easily mistaken for the air-conditioning or my intestinal functions.

The Little Prince seems to have an intense fear of doctors. Can't think why, for the life of me.

"No, I didn't make... I mean, he thinks I..."

"Unt who is he supposed to be, zis cute little fellah?"

Kougaiji's eyes go the size of my fists as Dr. Fraid's fingers come towards him.





It all happens so fast. If I had to write a police report, I don't think I'd be able to do it.

First comes the finger-biting. Then the bleeding, and screaming, "Eet's aliiiiiiiive!" Then the Gremlin-leap out of my jacket, and the subsequent discovery that Kougaiji is surprisingly strong for his size.

Any size, really.

Oh, and then the realization that the ruckus outside the office is even louder than the fracas inside.




Hakkai's gentle, but insistent, knocking on the door gives my mind just one more opportunity not to come to terms with Kougaiji beating the stuffing out of a medical practitioner.

Open the door.

Hakkai has discarded his photosynthetic camouflage and is now wearing a somewhat nervous expression instead.

"Um... I'm terribly sorry, but... you see, Gojyo was... and then Sanzo shot the... I'm so sorry, but could you..." Sounds like he couldn't fill out the appropriate forms either, should an officer present them to him.




Well, at least I'm fairly sure they're real, now.

And they seem to need me.

So that's okay.

Yeah...





"I'll go see what I can do. Could you do something about Kougaiji?" Trading lunatics is fair.

Hakkai looks relieved, despite the obviously monumental task ahead of him: Dr. Fraid is on the floor in the fetal position, and Kougaiji is jumping up and down on him.

Proceeding down the hall, Hakkai's most coaxing voice echoes after me: "I have craaaaaaayons..."

I try very, very hard not to hear Kougaiji's squeaky little voice holler:

"An' stay away fwom my sister!"





It's all rather disturbing. I will probably need a stiff drink to help me get over the shock.



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