Monday, May 8, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 34
The previous 33 chapters are over here.

Part 34: In Which There is Excitement
Garfield belongs to Jim Davis, and I don't have his permission. I am, however, fascinated by how a cat can stick to a window.

Driving.



I have to use my rear-view mirror. If I don't, I won't know when the cars behind me are going to pass and give me the finger.

That's important.

But they're so... distracting, back there. It's like their whole purpose in existing is to get my attention(#).

They're absolutely shameless.





Goku is impersonating a window sucker-plushie, though how he's managed to adhere himself to the window, I have no idea. Maybe he had a jam sandwich. The point is, any small children driven past are going to need very expensive therapy at some point in their later lives.

I can hear them now: "Mommy, look! That Garfield is going to eat us all!"

Gojyo has settled in for the trip, and has his Travelling Panties on his head. Or rather, my travelling panties. Though if we're pulled over, I will fiercely deny that.




But all of this is unimportant, next to the startling green color that Hakkai is turning. Even though he's generally a little green around the edges, I'm sure his skin is usually an adorable shade of pink, and not so...

"Hey, Hakkai? Are you going to be sick?" My mental Chibi Expression Translator finally catches on. On a busy road. With nowhere to pull over, let alone bushes to hide a nauseated chibi under.

"Ah ha ha - hrk!"

"Get him a bag! Dammit! Open the windows, NOW!"





Hakkai's gasping face floats in and out of my rear-view mirror as he is transported to fresh air.

"I told you not to read!" Gojyo's triumphant justification is overshadowed by his desire not to be puked on. "Stick your head out the window!"

"Don't!" I holler. Two large trucks pass me, one on each side. They are playing the truck version of the familiar old game, Schoolyard Bully.

Visions of a decapitated chibi turn me a little green as well.




"Terribly sorry!" An apology proves that Hakkai's head remains in one piece. Who else apologizes? "It's just what I found at the doctor's office. It's so interesting and - hrk!"

"Out the window!" Gojyo tries to aim him.

"Not out the window, damn you!" No headless chibis, thank you. None!




Desperate times call for desperate measures: Wake Sanzo, previously napping on the front seat.

"Trade with Hakkai!" It comes out as a shout. When will those trucks stop playing with me? It's starting to feel like Dodgeball. I hated Dodgeball.

"What? Hell no!" Sanzo is... his normal self.

"Trade! Now!" Please, go away, Mr. Truck. I don't want to be your extremely close friend.

"Who do you think you are, you big..."

"Front-page news, tomorrow's Chibi Times: 'Dead Sanzo Found in Puddle of Puke!' Trade! Now!"

"..." Sanzo seems astounded by my bout of prognostication.




"'Shocking Pictures of Puke-Covered Monk!'" Gojyo chimes in from the back seat. "Man, I'd pay a whole buck for that!"

Gojyo's just being helpful. Or he's just trying to get a shot in on Sanzo, which is understandable. It doesn't seem necessary to point out that he would be dead in the car wreck behind said vomitous monk, should those pictures ever print.

The trucks cut me off again.

For a fraction of a second, I'm glad I'm sober. But I don't want to die sober.




"So sorry... mrrf!" Hakkai's eyes have been replaced with swirls that bear no resemblance to eyes whatsoever. That's probably not helping his motion sickness. He staggers towards the front seat, emergency-bag in hand, small birds circling his head in tight formation.

Sanzo vacates the front seat, without a word, and with remarkable speed.

No one wants to be front-page puke news.





"You okay?" I can't look at Hakkai to check. We'll die if I look. I really don't want to die sober...

"Much... better... Oh my! That was close, wasn't it?"

"What's up?" Gojyo, if you're clinging to the back of my headrest, you are inadvertently inviting your own demise.




Somehow, when everything around you is moving terribly fast, something slow will catch your eye.

The Rear-View Mirror: A bird twitters up and away from the recovering Hakkai, to land on the finger of Kougaiji in the back window. He smiles at it peacefully.

Will he eat it?




Then there's nothing but engine fumes and roaring pipes and jerks in metal bodies weighing several tonnes.

"Just pass, damn you!" Shout as loud as possible, though there's no way the asshole beside me can hear over the sound of his own roaring ego. "Pass or die! Pass or get the hell off the road! Just go away, you... MONSTER!"

"I'll save you, Mummy!"





I am going to hell.

From now on, I refuse to believe in a fiery hell, because I don't want to go there, and Kougaiji just set fire to that man's truck.

I... think I was more surprised than he was.

That is, I don't think he had much time to be surprised, what with all that pulling over to the emergency lane, jumping out and running for cover.




I can't see the flames from his engine block in my rear-view mirror, anymore.

Just a little bird twittering away in my back window, and the chibis giving each other congratulatory High Fives over Kougaiji's excellent fireball aim.

Monster slaying. Bloody hell.



I... really need that drink.

--|--

And, after his successful monster-slaying defense of Mummy, Kougaiji is a little thirsty as well. He takes a tiny sip of Mummy's Special Drink. Not too much: it's Special.

Mummy, on the other hand, has a large sip of her own 'special drink' as soon as they're home. And passes out. Obviously it's nap-time.

Chibis love naps.




(#) - and not, say, to siphon cheap hits to some fanfiction webpage.

Once again, thanks to everyone who's read this and reviewed... it's seen 300 reviews and 11,000 hits! So, here's Sanzo's way of saying "Thanks!".
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