Monday, June 26, 2006

   MUST WATCH MUST WATCH MUST WATCH!!!!

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   LOL...meh heh heh....

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   Everyone tells me that no matter what, I will overcome this darknes...sometimes I wonder if I can...
Mood: Normal
Listening to: Wilco-ELT
(Every Little Thing)
Album: Summerteeth
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Yes, thanks guys. Many people slapped me and told me to stop moping :) Thanks, that's the reality check I needed >___>....
For people who told me that all the attention was ok, I disagree. If I let it all go to my head, whenever no one comments, I could do something drastic! >__>...Still, I feel much better today.
GREAT acually. :) I tolds a lot of my problems to Miranda, and she listened. About an hour I told her everything bad that happened to me...from tramatic experiences to disgusting people I wish I never met. It was horrible. I cried...a lot....during that conversation, but it was worth it to get a load off my chest. She was the first person who I told about what happened to me when I was a child. I don't know...she's just the type of person I feel comfortable telling everything. She's awesome >__>...She rawx! @_@
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Heck, I love all my friends. All of them are there for different reasons:
.::Bobby & Angie-Talked me out of cutting myself the most
.::Raeza-Ma BFF, I can talk to her about a lot of things, and she hugs a lot +_+
.::Nadia-Cheers me up when I feel cruddy, even if she pisses me off, I still luvs her! >__>...
.::Ferny!-The random one I can be most retarded wif +_+
.::Nikki-She slaps reality at you whenever you least want it, but she keeps me in order despite her nagging >__>...
.::Rosalie-Uhm...she's just there cuz she's cool...j/k...She makes me laugh and praises me a lot when I feel down
Those are ma school friends. Not much, but I love them all for what they do and the fact they have handled me THIS LONG amazes me, but nonetheless, they love me too....right? @_@;;;
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Friends that have helped me the most here would be EdWillSoS (advice and here for me), Flowerkiss (advice and here for me), Cia-Chan(more advice, here for me), BloodFilledTears (second-sister), alphonse13(here for me),Myui(made me laugh...I miss Yui-Kun, where is he?), and a couple others. I forget, but ALL of you guys are special to me for reading this and keeping up with me and what-not. :)
*huggles*
I loves the band Wilco. THEY RULE!!! >___>...
Working on another wallpaper using their lyrics...@_@
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MY NARUTO SAKURA WALLPAPER IS NUMBER ONE!!! YEAH!!! ANOTHER RANDOM ONE IS LIKE...6TH? I DUNNO, BUT CHECK IT OUT, WILCO LYRICS FOR CANDYFLOSS AND MY DARLING USED. :)
:)
*huggles*
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Man, I should write a book on my life...a biography...that'd be awesome...+_+
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*huggles* I luvs you guys SO MUCH, I really do.
Wilco RULES!!! >____>...
Okies, I'm gonna work on the wallpaper. Checks it out! ^.^
*huggles*
Okies, I'm out :)
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The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind

Your pillow wept
You covered your eyes
And you finally slept
While the sun caught fire

You've changed

We fell in love
In the key of C
We walked along
Down by the sea

You followed me down
The neck to D
We fell again
Into the sea

You changed
Oh, you've changed

Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm
Maybe all I need is a shot in the arm

Something in my veins, bloodier than blood
Something in my veins, bloodier than blood
Something in my veins, bloodier than blood
Something in my veins, bloodier than blood

The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind

You've changed

Oh, you've changed

What you once were isn't what you want to be any more
What you once were isn't what you want to be any more
What you once were isn't what you want to be any more
What you once were isn't what you want to be any more
What you once were isn't what you want to be any more

-Wilco
-Shot In The Arm
.::Yaays!!!::.
^.~
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*huggles*
~*~MiShY~*~
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Thanks for reading my boring shyt :)
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Sunday, June 25, 2006

   I'm eating ice cream from the gallon tub
That should hint u on how i feel @_@
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   In the depths of darkness, love is nowhere to be found...
*Laugh a fake smile*
I am feeling better today, I think...Drei-Kun not answering his phone, nor has he called...I worry if it's my fault...I have not cut myself though...that is...good, right? *sigh* Like a selfish child endlessly hoping for everything in the world, crying when reminded she can not have anything at all...I am nothing more than that...a child...a stubborn wallowing-in-self-pity-child...I fear for us...I do...why must I feel so frustrated and confused..?! I do not like this feeling...Then again...maybe it was never meant to be....after all, you should not think what you're feeling...if you do, what does that mean you are...? *sigh*
Listening to: A Lack Of Color-Death Cab for Cute
:) Yaays...? This song is so sad and makes me cry, reminding me of my situation...*sigh* I must stop this wallowing...I did not lift the veil to my true world...I kept it closed shut, waiting for someone to carry it off....it never was....here I am, still living this lie...what a shame...?! Am I being cryptic? Poetic? Burden-ish? Forgive me...*sigh* Again I go with the 'I'm so sad, look at me, I wallow in self-pity and act sad like a child'-act. It's horrible...do I crave this attention? What is wrong with me? Perhaps I do...Heh. Stupid Michelle...self-pity, there we go again...*chuckle* I do not care if anyone comments...I feed off the attention, isn't that right Michelle? They're what keep you going...what keep you sane...what keep you alive and begging for more...all this help I am getting...heh. It makes me crave the attention of people worrying about me...I really am a selfish child, aren't I? I will not cut myself, so do not worry to give me that which I feed off of...human kindness...I laugh in their faces, spitting, smitting, laughing at their stupidity...I am not a very good human being, am I? I need therapy, man... heh. Like that ever helped me... right...is this really me...? Or have they taken over? I dunno...maybe I am...scizophrenic? Who knows...I black out a lot, and whenever I ask my friends wha I did, they laugh like I'm joking, not answering me...saying they forgot...they would...they don't take me seriously on that matter...truth be told, I scare the shyt out of myself a lot...I must go...wallpapers need making...I submitted my background have now...it's old...I was lazy so it's all late...no one looked at my newest fanart of a week or two ago...thanks...though, it's ok, really...it's not your fault, and I blame no one....as long as people keep up with me, I am happy enough, yet guilty I don't do the same...*sigh*
Thank you so much if you read all of this crap. heh. I think I am scizophrenic....nice...
Okies, well do check out my fanart and new wallpaper...
You know that Sasuke and Naruto bg I made? Yeah...some idiot accused me of plagiarizing that pic. I had to crop off a lot of the pic to only have Naruto and Sasuke, fill in a lot of white spaces in the pic, and typed the text myself, and they accuse me of stealing the wallpaper. It took a LONG time to make...bish...
Should I submit it again? I dunno....*huggles*
~*~
I smile to hide the pain of eveyday
I have my problems like everyone else
I just handle them a little differently...
~*~
[Insert fake smile here]
[Insert false hope line here]
[Insert hug here]
End.
God, people are gonna call me emo or shyt...
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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Pretty Little Red Waterfall...flowing from my veins...
*sigh* Crap, I keep doing it. I PROMISE I WILL TRY NOT TO! >__>...I really have to stop...
*sobs* I feel so guilty...
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I lied to someone dear to me...said I did not do it....they said they loved me...if they knew the truth, would they have told me such sweet words...? Truth is, I always loved them also...I kept hiding it, running away, denial...telling myself it was all a lie...we were no more than friends...I do not care who reads this. I will not explain myself to people who know me and think they know who I am talking about...truth is, I am curently living a lie. I don't love ....I really....*sigh* I told Miranda...she knows...Kami and chibi-san know, but probably forgot since I told them so long ago, and they thought I was lying...but they're happier without me...happier...without...me. *sigh* Sorry for being all cryptic and burden-ish. I write to conceal that person because some people may want to hurt them...may want to hurt me for not telling the truth...*sigh* Why did I have to put it up on that...?! Ya know what, NEVER get a myspace. Those things suck and ruin your life...like mine...mine....
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I will no longer live this lie...today, it ends...stop looking after me! Stop it! Leave me alone and don't bother me again! I can't stand you! *sobs* They know who they are...
leave me alone to live my life without having to worry that you'll be there smothering me, dragging me down....stop it! You're right, things change....leave me alone...I'm sorry...do not contact me, please...
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I must go
~She smiles but she's
sad. You can't see
it in her eyes~
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   Yay?
Ma Mother-Bear is thinking of letting me wear eyeliner! Woot >___>...I hopes she says yes. She might say no though only cuz hwer baby is growing and she'll miss her...yadda yadda. Oh, and I feel a bit chipper today. (chipper? wtf?) yes. +_+ I know, I know, but after about 2 moonths, I'm sorry...I did cut myself yesterday. 3 times, actually...yeah. I feel horrible, but Bobby tolds me hows him and angie and other ppls care about me and *cough* love me...I was crying cuz I feel bad cuz I know it upsets him when I do that and yet he's still always there for me to say he loves me (as a friend, no shyt). GTG, tries to visits.
*huggles*
~*~MiShY~*~
:)
Word of Day: Chipper
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Monday, June 19, 2006

   Hate this feeling...
Despite the happy icon, I'm dying on the inside.
I honestly am always asking myself "What are you doing? Why? Do you honestly think this is ok? What is your problem? Why can't you see this isn't what you need...not now...?" *sigh* i'm re-thinking my current situation. I'm such a retard, I can't think straight. *sigh* and due to a certain reason, I may just get aother otaku site. Who knows? I can't type what I'd like to...all beacuse of them...no, because of me. Because I let them. I thought I did...now I don't think so...it was all fake...all of it...none of it was real...oh fickle-minded mishy...the stupid things you've done...out of them all, this tops it...why did I get one...? Why...? I seriously wish I could tell you guys, but there's people here I just can't trust anymore. People who will do anything to see me fall upon my knees to bow to them, as if they're superior. How dare they...?! *sigh* I honestly, to god, want to say oh how much the thing that bugs me, but I can't...it's tearing me apart from the inside, and I need to tell someone before I have another emotional breakdown. Yesterday, for the first time in forever, I did. I got into a fight with my damn cousin and we were so pissed off, then she acts all inocent and crap. Jeebus. I don't know what to do. When I got home, I cried. A lot. Threw things around, not caring if my mom heard from her precious computer in the living room. She did. She didn't do shyt. She kept her lazy ass down to play her freaking game. When I was over it, she just said "Did you hear that? I heard crashing. Hmm...oh well." Like she didn't want to admit she knew I was trashing my room out of frustration and anger and crap, like she didn't want to see that she helped mess me up which caused my outburst. *sigh* I'm getting closer to cutting myself, I am. When my older relatives saw my wrists when we went to my Aunt's house for Father's Day yesterday, they made faces and looked at my supposedly 'happy' smiling mother and then at me. They shok their heads and were silent. She did this. That wretched being made me and screwed me up mentally...her. I'm sorry, I really am, I'm just not feeling well. My god damn cousin, Ashley, keeps looking at the screen. Bitch. Fucking nosy-ass bitch. Sorry, I'm just *shakes* not feeling well. Honestly, all I need is one more thing to go wrong today to cut myself. I don't care WHAT, but anything will do it now...*sigh* I am such an idiot. Why wasn't I happy before? Now I have to pretend and I hate it. I'm gonna go now. I've burdened you all enough. Damnit, now ppl are gonna call me emo. Crap. Perpare for flaming Mishy, be prepared.
Ja mata.

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

   Sleeeeeeeeepy...
I made a new record! >__>...Drei-Kun and I talked for almost 4 hours, like 15 min. left @_@ Wow. New record fors me. Added new wallpapers. Bored, so they suck cuz I didn't really try +_+ Take care.
*huggles*
~*~MiShY~*~
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Saturday, June 17, 2006

   Yays
Popularity Ranking: 989
Visits: (uh...forgot)
Signings: 200-some @_@
Man, The Strokes are awesome. Listening to them now, loves the MOST Electricityscape and 15 Minutes. ^-^ I did visits few peoples. I hafta go to a wedding at 6, and am being forced into a hideous itchy purple dress. @_@
Wish me lucks.
+_+
*huggles*
Take care,please enjoy your summer! ^-^
~*~MiShY~*~
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