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Birthday
• 1993-01-22
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Female
Member Since
• 2005-06-14
Real Name
• Michelle
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Goals
• Become a manga-ka, or novelist :)
Hobbies
• Doodling, drawing (?), writing, VIDEO GAMES, COMPUTER, & listening to MUSIC
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• My pinky can bend a full 90-deg. angle and turn completley backwards (now), and uhm...I'm pretty good at DDR :) (Heavy, and Oni) ^-^
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Monday, June 19, 2006
Hate this feeling...
Despite the happy icon, I'm dying on the inside.
I honestly am always asking myself "What are you doing? Why? Do you honestly think this is ok? What is your problem? Why can't you see this isn't what you need...not now...?" *sigh* i'm re-thinking my current situation. I'm such a retard, I can't think straight. *sigh* and due to a certain reason, I may just get aother otaku site. Who knows? I can't type what I'd like to...all beacuse of them...no, because of me. Because I let them. I thought I did...now I don't think so...it was all fake...all of it...none of it was real...oh fickle-minded mishy...the stupid things you've done...out of them all, this tops it...why did I get one...? Why...? I seriously wish I could tell you guys, but there's people here I just can't trust anymore. People who will do anything to see me fall upon my knees to bow to them, as if they're superior. How dare they...?! *sigh* I honestly, to god, want to say oh how much the thing that bugs me, but I can't...it's tearing me apart from the inside, and I need to tell someone before I have another emotional breakdown. Yesterday, for the first time in forever, I did. I got into a fight with my damn cousin and we were so pissed off, then she acts all inocent and crap. Jeebus. I don't know what to do. When I got home, I cried. A lot. Threw things around, not caring if my mom heard from her precious computer in the living room. She did. She didn't do shyt. She kept her lazy ass down to play her freaking game. When I was over it, she just said "Did you hear that? I heard crashing. Hmm...oh well." Like she didn't want to admit she knew I was trashing my room out of frustration and anger and crap, like she didn't want to see that she helped mess me up which caused my outburst. *sigh* I'm getting closer to cutting myself, I am. When my older relatives saw my wrists when we went to my Aunt's house for Father's Day yesterday, they made faces and looked at my supposedly 'happy' smiling mother and then at me. They shok their heads and were silent. She did this. That wretched being made me and screwed me up mentally...her. I'm sorry, I really am, I'm just not feeling well. My god damn cousin, Ashley, keeps looking at the screen. Bitch. Fucking nosy-ass bitch. Sorry, I'm just *shakes* not feeling well. Honestly, all I need is one more thing to go wrong today to cut myself. I don't care WHAT, but anything will do it now...*sigh* I am such an idiot. Why wasn't I happy before? Now I have to pretend and I hate it. I'm gonna go now. I've burdened you all enough. Damnit, now ppl are gonna call me emo. Crap. Perpare for flaming Mishy, be prepared.
Ja mata.
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