Friday, December 31, 2004

   hihi I am really happy yet sad
today Im ogonig to a new years slumber party its going to be sooo muhc! fun my friend julia she has the newest ddr mats and the newest ddr game! ddr xtreme! its going to be so much fun Im bringing tons of mvies! ^^ I hope everyone will want to watch them lol ^^ julia also has doggies and I looovvveee! doggies! heehee
-pets inu- heehee mya! oop I mean BARK!

well I am a little sad becasue of what happened in asai...the tsunami...I feel so bad for the people over there there was this woman with 2 of her sons 1 in each hand and she had to let go of one of them in order for her and the other one to servive -Sophies choice-<---its a movie so she decided to let the older go he was only 5 but then she decided to ask someone to hold on to him when she was passing him to another person she accidentlay let him go -water slippery- she abnd her other son -he twio years old- was looking for him for hours and luckily they found him hanging on a door for dear life when I saw him on the news he wouldnt stop crying he looked like hewas traumatized I hope he will recover form his everperiences

and last night I was tralking to a firend of mine from gaia and he is suffering from severe deperession I beleive he told me he deserved to die it made me so sad to here that this was are chat

remeber I am divinerose121

Megamaster81433: hey!!!^_^
Divinerose121: HIHI!
Divinerose121: whats up>?!
Megamaster81433: nm u?
Divinerose121: just watching the devastation on the news...
Megamaster81433: whats happinin
Divinerose121: the tsunami
Megamaster81433: i heard about that
Divinerose121: I know its so sad
Megamaster81433: i know
Divinerose121: I started crying when I heard this story about this mother have to sacrifice one of her children to say her and the other child
Megamaster81433: what
Megamaster81433: !!!!!!
Divinerose121: yeah
Divinerose121: but luckily hours later thaey found the child and he was still alive poor thing hes only 4
Megamaster81433: *sigh*
Divinerose121: waIT ONLY 5
Divinerose121: so very sad
Megamaster81433: makes you know how bad the world really is
Divinerose121: I know it feels like the rld is ending...
Megamaster81433: ahh i deserve to die anyways
Divinerose121: DONT SAY THAT! >
Divinerose121: its not goo d to talk like that
Megamaster81433: i do
Divinerose121: thats horrible dont you ever say! that
Divinerose121: people suffer everyday
Divinerose121: striving to live
Divinerose121: dont you ever let yuor happiness die!
Megamaster81433: its already dead
Divinerose121: DONT SAY!
Divinerose121: -crise- why do you say such horrible things?
Megamaster81433: *goes over to you*come to your senses*drys your tears*my pain is what i give for others happyness
Divinerose121: soemtimes you hve to be a little selfish I know its not right but you must be b happy too
Megamaster81433: no i dont
Divinerose121: your not making me very happy... didnt you say your pain was to give others happiness? I think thats just an excuse... I use to feel like that but Baku made me think differently
Megamaster81433: then be happy
Megamaster81433: it causes me more pain to see you unhappy
Divinerose121: I cant if your upset its makes me unhappy
Divinerose121: Im sry but I cant trun my back on you as if you didn exist thats not the way I am
Megamaster81433: hmm
Megamaster81433: tough to crack arent you
Megamaster81433: *smiles and huggles*
Divinerose121: -weak smile- I never deset my friends
Divinerose121: *desert
Megamaster81433: really not even if i was umm
Megamaster81433: ^_^
Divinerose121: um what?
Megamaster81433: if i were to tell you i have been unhappy my hole life
Divinerose121: no pretending to be happy ^^ iT MUST BE THE REAL THING
Divinerose121: nope I still wouldnt tun my back on you
Divinerose121: there must have been at least on happy moent in your life
Megamaster81433: no pretending after what i know how can i be happy
Divinerose121: what do you know? whats wrong?
Divinerose121: what happened?
Megamaster81433: i know all of the coldness of the world
Divinerose121: are you sure about that we are still children Ives seen alot in this wrld but thats only the begiinning you must stay strong in order to survuve in this wrld
Divinerose121: I cant evewn begin to comprehend what else is out there
Megamaster81433: really
Divinerose121: yep ^^
Divinerose121: we still have alot ahead of us in life we still have time to become stronger
Megamaster81433: when you work hard for the love that means so mutch to you its taken away and you are left alone bleeding with noone to help
Divinerose121: Im wrking the best as I can to become suitable for this world to make people happy...
Megamaster81433: pain
Megamaster81433: thats all there
Megamaster81433: is
Megamaster81433: only love and pain
Divinerose121: dont say that...
Megamaster81433: love never comes
Divinerose121: that is not true
Megamaster81433: never lasts
Divinerose121: there is more than love and pain out there
Divinerose121: there is happiness
Divinerose121: when a new life is born...
Divinerose121: everyone smiles that counts as happiness
Divinerose121: you sound like a fool saying only love and pain exist
Megamaster81433: true happiness
Megamaster81433: i am a fool thats the truth
Megamaster81433: i have been taken fool by everyone here
Megamaster81433: on earth
Megamaster81433: that is why i deserve death over anything i have hurt too many
Divinerose121: I know you are ont a fool but all the things you have just said is making you sound like one
Megamaster81433: and i do deserve death
Divinerose121: -slaps- THATS ENOUGH! NO HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH DOESNT DESERVE DEATH!
Megamaster81433: *rubs my cheek and begins to laugh*
Megamaster81433: o well
Megamaster81433: *kisses your cheek*u dont
Divinerose121: YOU DONT EITHER NO ONE DOES
Divinerose121: you deserve to be happy
Megamaster81433: your sweet and pure before i go to hell ill put in a good word for you
Divinerose121: I can understand why you say such thing
Megamaster81433: and yah i deserve damnation
Divinerose121: you have been picked on ridiucled by your peers am I right?
Megamaster81433: actually my life just sucks
Divinerose121: why is that?
Divinerose121: tell me why you think such horrible htings should befall you?
Megamaster81433: because i deserve it
Megamaster81433: i broke a heart
Divinerose121: how?
Megamaster81433: and thats good enough for me
Megamaster81433: i told a girl i had a crush on her but i was in deeper love with my real gf and now shes really mad at me
Megamaster81433: shes
Megamaster81433: always crying inside
Megamaster81433: i want
Megamaster81433: to help
Megamaster81433: but she wont open up
Divinerose121: -embraces- you musnt beat yourself up...
Divinerose121: you made a mistake
Divinerose121: all human beings do
Divinerose121: you are very brave
Megamaster81433: i cant afford to make mistakes
Megamaster81433: and im not brave
Megamaster81433: i have many fears
Megamaster81433: but that dosent mean i cant fight
Divinerose121: so do I I am the real coward
Divinerose121: I cannot tell people how I really feel
Divinerose121: I fear it will hurt them
Divinerose121: I have many firends like you
Divinerose121: I do my best ot make the,m happy but insside I fear for them...I cry for them
Megamaster81433: see im just like the others
Divinerose121: but Im lucky enough to make them happy ^^
Megamaster81433: im a lifeless
Megamaster81433: nobody
Divinerose121: no your not
Divinerose121: you are somebody
Divinerose121: you are a beautiful creation made from our creator
Megamaster81433: u think so huh i dont care where i go im just going to live life good or bad heaven or hell
Megamaster81433: dont care
Megamaster81433: not any......more
Divinerose121: I bleive you do

Divinerose121: your afraid of death
Divinerose121: I flet like that few years ago
Divinerose121: I still fear death
Divinerose121: that is why Im trying to live my life the way I want it to be
Megamaster81433: im not afraid of death
Megamaster81433: there are worse things
Divinerose121: dont deny it
Megamaster81433: then how come i have wished it
Megamaster81433: for sometime now
Divinerose121: Im not sure
Megamaster81433: i do fear it but i dont care
Megamaster81433: i will die
Megamaster81433: if it is what is nessesary
Divinerose121: if you fear that doesnt mean you dont care
Megamaster81433: a fear is just somthing you avoide
Divinerose121: life hurts I understand I feel it alot
Megamaster81433: *avoid
Megamaster81433: but ill die if it will make everything better
Megamaster81433: u knwo what *trys to be happy for your sake* im fine
Divinerose121: no your not
Divinerose121: nothing will be beter
Divinerose121: it will make this wrkld worse if you die
Divinerose121: think about it
Divinerose121: your family your friencs and I will greive
Divinerose121: it will make mny people sad
Divinerose121: I see death all around me
Divinerose121: someone in my school shot htemelves in the head in a bathroom stall
Megamaster81433: cut it pleas
Megamaster81433: i cant be happy all the time
Megamaster81433: well
Megamaster81433: i cant be happy
Divinerose121: someone was beaten to death by a gang for being on there turf during a football game
Megamaster81433: hmp
Divinerose121: all of htis in the smae month
Divinerose121: I was also picked on
Divinerose121: for liking anime
Divinerose121: for dressing asain
Divinerose121: bu you know what?
Divinerose121: I cope with it
Divinerose121: yes it hurts and I do cry alot but I do my best ot make people happy around me but not at my own expense
Megamaster81433: i dont cry i keep it all inside
Divinerose121: they understsand Im not truly happy but they ocmfort me and smile at me because I try
Divinerose121: your right you dont needc to be happy all the time
Divinerose121: but you must try
Divinerose121: Im not always happy
Divinerose121: sometims I am really deperessed or really angry
Divinerose121: but I still live
Divinerose121: I live for the poepl I care about
Divinerose121: through the ogod times and through the bad itmes
Divinerose121: you caN BE HAPPY FOR THEM
Megamaster81433: dont have to shout o well its pitiful im pitiful
Divinerose121: I wanst hsoutimng sometime i caplock accidentally


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