Wednesday, August 17, 2005

   I'm behind once again!
Its been a really long time since I've updated (14 to 15 days ago!). A lot of good things have happened.

~~~The water park~~~
Mace and I had a really good time. The only thing that bugged me was he making me choose everything, I wanted his opinion too. We were there for a long time... and it was rainy and cold which meant water was cold too. Mason was complaining.. so I teased him... I didn't expect him to take me serious. He never told me he was water logged or anything. WE really need to work on communicating. Most of our little spats could be avoided if we communicated. Either way I am glad we went together... I still had a great time. I didn't get burnt to a crisp! One thing that really bothered me was how pissed Daniel looked when I spent all my time with Mason. I did like him before I was involved with Mason. It might just be me but I think he has a thing for me... It sucks for him on bad timing. He's a sweetie but CANNOT compare to Mason.

~~~The Concert~~~
It was great!!! Well I only knew one song from Def Leppard... and that was from the encore. Brian Adams tho, rocked my socks off. I knew 4 or 5 songs and 2 of them were lovey-dovey songs. During that time was my most memorable, Mason and I were close and we sang along to the songs... ::sigh:: it was great! It was a shame though we didn't get to stay longer, but I didn't want to be the only one wanting to stay for Brian Adams. I still had a great time!

~~~Masons Day before his vacation~~~
Monday (not this monday previous monday) Mason and I spent a good chunk of time with each other that day. We saw Dukes of Hazzard, which wasn't to bad, hung out at the mall, and visited a dollar store. Mason bought me a balloon that said "I Love You", for a keepsake while he's on vacation. I dashed home after that and got ready for work which turned out that I didn't need to come in. I was off... grrrrr. But while I was there Mason and his family came in and bought ice cream. Mason got a bear for me and gave it to me there.. embarrassing the crap out of me. I still loved it.

~~~Tuesday - Friday~~~
Work and visited with Molly. Invited people to my party... finally lol. Ordered my ice cream cake... its oreo and chocolate cake (yum) and will have pretty sun flowers on it made with icing. Its gonna be awesome!

~~~ Saturday MY 18th BIRTHDAY!!~~~
Wahoo I turned 18!! I also worked 10am to 5pm... It was a embarrassing/fun day. I was extremely giddy at work... the ppl I worked with sang happy birthday to me at least 6 times and Brady made up a song just for my birthday. Mason sent me roses in a beautiful vase to my work. (They're still alive too!) I love him more and more each day. :) He rocks my world. I also had several voice messages wishing me happy birthday. It really made me day. Its good to know that I have good friends that love the person I am. Mom, Terry and I went to Rio Grande and had my b-day dinner. I still heard bull sh*t from Terry. (cant wait to move out!)

~~~ Sunday: Terry's B.S. once again~~~
Did odd ball things... cleaning, lounging, hugging my teddy bears from Mason... Really missing him. Hug out with Katie at the mall. It was fun... It turns out she's like Molly and I when it come to toys and toy stores... goofy lol. And we're 17 and 18. I got my own Sears card! And we drank smoothies from Borders... (not as good as coldstones tho) Mason comes home!!
Chippy was doing his thing once again... He wanted me to come over and visit him at his grandparents. It was flirting and I didn't fall for it. I'm done with him. He not any good for me

~~~Monday~~~
Work, and Saw the Sutton family (Annie, Chuck, Brad, and Adara). I renewed my licence (lvl 3!) Its blue and wont have to be renewed for 3 years. I'm also registered to vote now. I got my first mail asking if I'd like a credit card lol. Of course I ripped that one up... I already have one lol.

~~~Tuesday (Today) Now!~~~
I finally saw Mason and realize how much I need to have him hold me in his arms and him to give me kisses. He really is one of my key people that keeps me going in life. We cuddled and watched movies all day long. I realized in a guys mind cuddling can only last so long before they get bored. I wish we could think of things to keep us occupied. I feel like I'm failing as a girlfriend. I don't know. We need more communication lol. Brad called for once and he only called to tell me the girl he's liking is being stubborn and he's written 10 poems. we chatted for a half hour and then finally parted. We both use to be really good friends and I guess where I've been nonstop busy with Mason, Molly, work, and school, brad has hit a back burner. I really wonder why these people still choose to remain friends with me, is beyond me.

I'll be at work in like 10 hours so I better get some sleep.

Love you SOOOOOOOOOOOO much Mason!

Goodnight and Sweet dreams

Peace!
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Tuesday, August 2, 2005

   ::sigh::
I have an awesomely wonderful boyfriend. Since this is my journal site... and I hardly ever brag but... I HAVE THE BEST B/F EVER!! He's the only one that has treated me sweetly and nicely. He has never intentionally has done or said anything to harm me. He's soooo understanding. ::sigh:: HE IS MY HANSOME STUD MUFFIN... lol ok now my bragging is done I think.

Lately my life:

Wake up
shower
Work
shower
see Mason or Molly
Eat*
sleep

* on an average I only get to eat 1 meal a day... yea I'm surprised I haven't died from exhaustion.

This Saturday and Sunday coming up will be awesome... Me and Mason

11 days til I'm 18!!

Wednesday I'm off, my whole day will be with Mace

I love you Mace!

Mom is going out of town Thursday through Sunday. Great... just me and Terry... Must stay with Mace or Molly during this time... lol

Ok now I must go to bed

Love you x 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000, Mason!

Sweet Dreams!
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Saturday, July 30, 2005

   My letter from a very close friend that is a para legal.
This is to lighten the mood... Its very touching that there's someone out there knows that I'm not here to ruin my fathers name.

Background... I have been in contact with this person for at least three years. He knows the good,the bad and in between about my situations with my father. I actually asked him for legal advice for a couple of situations. He has also received every email dad and I have sent to each other. So no I have not been bashing dad, trying to persuade him one way or another about dad. These are his own thoughts.

His letter in response to Dad's reactions:

"Good Morning Em:

Some people just don't understand. I think that you were pretty clear in what you wrote and his response went over the edge, ignored your feelings and kept invoking, unstated of course, the "why me" feeling as if he is the persecution victim. Granted that as a child you had trouble with your parents divorcing....all children do. However, Terry has filled in as a father figure and you have adjusted in time to things. You are not "over" what happened because things like this stay with you through life, and if you were 100% over the whole episode, that would actually be more harmful because it could signal some denial issues on your part. You went from a hurt child to a wonderful, smart, caring, kind young woman (ok, so I am biased where you are concerned) and have used what happened in life to help shape you into who you are today. Mom and Terry had a lot to do with that by providing you love, but your grounding in your faith and your sense of right and wrong were developed by one person: Emily.

I an not a psychologist, but your Dad is the one who has never gotten over the divorce and the emotional aftermath. Both of you are hurting because of the strain, but he refuses to take any responsibility and blames everyone rather than taking a long look in the mirror. As for professors working 100+ hours per week, things must be different in Florida because the ones I know give me crap about working 40+ hours per week as being a workaholic.

Your responses were well thought out and heartfelt. He has to get used to the fact that his daughter is now a young woman with opinions of her own.

I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself, you are a strong woman."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I felt I need to post that before I go to bed this evening. I'll post about the regular next post.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

   I feel i need to post
I'm soooo sleepy so please excuse any rambling that might show up.

This journal might be very random.

I miss Mason.

Have training every day this week. Some 2 hour shifts some 4 hour shifts. At least I'm getting paid for all this train. This week I'll rack up 16 hours. Wahooo hopefully the end of next week we will get a check.

Food handling was soooooooo boring.

One of my exs is an ass, but whatever

I miss Mason. I stared at a picture of us for 10-15mins last night. This is sad, whats going to happen to me if the horrible thing happens... I'd be a mess for at least 6 weeks.

I miss Mason.

Stupid sinuses.

More than half way done with the Harry Potter Book 6.

I miss you Mason.
I love you Mason.

Sweet Dreams
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Monday, July 25, 2005

   Whoa.... Its late.... and I'm neglecting my journals once again
First off, if some people that read my journal were offended any way from the previous entries, I'm sorry but those were genuine feelings. I'd like to make it clear... out of a possible 64 or 65 entries only 16 mention my father one way or another. 6 of them are out of hurt or anger, the others are just mentioning him. I don't see why I had a couple of people say "all" my entries were filled with rage towards my father... hmmm read the archives before you want to bite my head off please. =^_^=

I've spent a lot of time with my Mason, getting closer and closer as we should be. He went bowling with me when plans with everyone else crashed and burned, then went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I liked it because you find out what kind of past Willy Wonka had.
I went with him to his Aunt Jenny's and had a good time playing croque and winning. Hopefully next time I go, I'll be able to win once again.
Today I went to the wave park and had a decent time with Mason and his family. I used SPF 50 sunlotion and still got burnt. Well it could have been worse. I don't think I'll peel.

Random topics:
I have a creepy stalker that is like 30 years old or more. He's watched me grow up, found where I lived and wrote me a letter and a poem. Terry took the letter and poem to the police, they said they can't do anything until he continues to hassle me or such. So for a while we'll be locking doors and I'll be very watchful.

Training tuesday on food handling... fun! (sarcasm)

I want the new harry potter book... just to lazy to getr it.

Dad acted as if nothing is wrong between us and invited my on a vacation with him. I think thats a disaster waiting to happen if I go. I told him thank you but no thank you.

I'm still battling the past. I wish I could scream, yell, and shout at Keith and finally get over his ass and our past. Its not getting in my way with Mason but it still lingers occasionally. I know for a fact Mason isn't Keith and I need to drop it. Its still a battle that I'm slowly over coming.

I'm a Backstreet Boys fanatic. Mason made me smile, he put in a BSB CD on our way to the wave pool. ::sigh:: I was on my way home and I was REALLY listening to the lyrics... crazily enough I can relate every song to at least one person. Man I'm a geek!

Is it just me???? : My parents and friends keep mentioning marriage. Its WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to soon to even think about it. If Mason and I ment to be, we'll end up together in the end.

I'm going to bed.

Love you Mason with all my heart!

Sweet Dreams!
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Thursday, July 21, 2005

   I'm done...
I am going to explain the 3 times recently Dad has made a cheap shots or tried to prove me that I am wrong. 1) Graduation: When dad, grandpa john, and I went to eat, Grandpa John was telling me about McGee their new cat. Grandpa asked if I heard about him, before I got to say anything Dad said "She hasn't been down to Florida for almost 2 years!" Stressing it as if to make me feel guilty of my choice not to visit him. BTW I brought along my friends so that if I suffered a low blow like that I could look for them for support. 2) Mentioning Keith the way he did while we were playing cards. He doesn't know the full story about Keith and I and doesn't have a say so in the matter. I figured the nasty glare I gave him after his refrence would have hinted it. 3) Trying to out do me in Marshall knowledge. Again it was at least 13 years ago dad, and just before I came down I went to marshall to get the basic facts. Sorry for stating a fact about marshall that was correct. All those time I see it as an attack on me trying to bring a rise out of me. You got it and this is the absolute last time I'm going to even respond to you as dad. Its over.

Dad Your blocked as of now and I will not respond to any more email from you.

I'm late... Need a shower then I'm going to Mason's.
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   A lesson
By definition Libel means A false publication, as in writing, print, signs, or pictures, that damages a person's reputation. The act of presenting such material to the public.

hmmmm well, nothing I have said on any of my "publications" have been untrue. I have be honest so I have nothing to worry about. I have evidence to back me up, so no need to worry about the past entry.

Again I will post ANYTHING I wish to post.

I have two people I have talked to about this matter, one being a most trusted friend and two a paralegal guy that I trust with my life. One has stated with his IM he sent me could be considered as threatening a minor. And also reminded me of a past email from last summer that could cause some damage as well if he does strike at me, which I do have a copy of.

I'm calm, cool, and collected.

Today was church night and the guys cheered me up. Chippy was acting very strangely. It was almost like he was back on drugs... His grandparents gave me a late congrats for graduating plus 15 dollars. I kind of feel guilty about it... I'll use it for the church trip in August.

Mason I apologize, I should block anyone who bothers me... I shouldn't dwell on it and ignore the person that is causing toruble. I love you and I'm sorry I bothered you about my father. Yes I do overly obsess about the bad, but hopefully, you can help me break that habit.

Love you Mason and I'm glad we talked a bit better on the phone. At least there weren't long silences this time. LOVE YOU LOTS!!

BTW the preacher's wife had a dream that I was in... apparently I was having marrage problems... weird.

Saw a double rainbow today! Gotta mean something...

I seriously need bed considering I gotta get up in less than 6 hours.

sweet dreams

love you mason

much love

peace
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

   (In tears) I have no father in my eyes. Heck Terry is closer to being my father figure than my real father.
This is what I got from my father this morning about my journal:

Dad: Hi Emily, I will take any avenue to keep the communication lines open to you. If you choose not to discuss anything substantive with me on the phone (the mature way) or the email, I shall go to the medium on which you keep lashing out on me. Xanga.com and your other sites are public media -- you're shouting to the world -- and as long as you invoke me in this, I have a right... a responsibility... to know about it and respond accordingly. More later as I have just reported sick to the Hurricane Watch, and now I'm medicating myself and turning in. You keep talking about your being an adult -- if you're not careful, you could get an adult lesson on a term called "libel." But I'd rather we settle our differences and find out what the hell has been going on these past three years. Later....

I might be coming of age and surely through all of this I have been more than the adult than my father.
Things my father have done that has hurt/scared/angered me:
1. When I "helped" him move and worked myself sick literally.
2. His apartment conditions
3. His bird cages
4. The fact he doesn't know when to get off the computer to improve his apartment conditions or get enough sleep
5. His health
6. He bashed mom and Terry
7. Taking cheap shots at me when he doesn't know the true situation
8. The fact he hasn't seriously apologized
9. He comes up from Florida and takes another shot at me when I was trying to be polite.
10. The fact it took him almost 12 years to come up to WV.

Dad I have no desire to talk to you, why do I want you to "force your opinion" on me. Take your own advice quit stepping on my toes and leave me alone. I'm tired of this and I want to be left alone. BTW I have yet to express your full name on my sites. I will if you want me to so everyone in the world can know who you are. Dad it isn't I that needs to mature, its you that needs to. So dad take me to court, that will even give more reason to cut you out of my life. Just leave me alone and don't give me a reason to lash out. You are the one causing me to do so. This is my own journal and I can and will express my own feelings in my journal.

I'm done and I will NOT talk about this any longer.
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   and now it begins...
Well first off I want to express how much I love the fact my father is spying on me through my journal. I knew he was earlier despite the fact he said his "friend" was sending him my journal entries. But now he has joined 1 of my 3 journal sites to make it official. I have a question, would you consider your father/mother spying on you stepping on your toes??? I believe so. Dad says its the only way he can keep up with my life. At the rate its going this is the only thing he'll have left of me. So DAD you want to keep pushing me away or what... that is your choice 100%.

Don't worry I'm going to still express myself openly and honest no matter who read it. So warning to you dad, The truth hurts get over it.

Now that I got that out of my way..

I woke up from an almost sleepless night (don't know why) and found out the stuff above... yea peachy. I got ready and went to Masons. He was still asleep when I got there so I napped next to him until he woke up. It was perfect. I love the fact something that little makes my day. I'd sleep with him any day, I always have a good sleep when I do. (BTW its nothing dirty like sex... geez how low can ya get thinking like that lol j/k, luv ya guys!!)

We spent a couple of hours cuddling and then finally went to the Mall to pick up some things for his mom and sister. I finally told him 2 mangas I wanted for my birthday. I don't need them... its just something to have. He has yet realized he's completed my life where I don't really need anything. He filled that hole I had... its the hole that isn't filled with love from family and friends. Its only filled by the one that your in love with. Just being with him is enough for me, even though it still feels like we never have enough time with each other. I was at his house from 10:45am to 8:00pm, I know its a lot but I'd rather spend it with him than sit here at the house doing nothing.

Despite what several people say, Mason has dealt with my faults so far and hasn't dumped me yet and vise versa. I believe he was delivered to me to make both of us better people and to help us both grow. I still haven't had any doubts with him. Wouldn't it be funny if Mason and I stick it out longer than everyone has expected. Then I can got told you fucking so. I hate doubters and non believers, they bring you down, especially when it can be family.

I'm a little upset that my Friday plans are being shot down, one bullet hole at a time. Meaning friends are backing out. I know Alene will go especially if I can talk my ex, ben, into going. I'm glad ben and I finally started talking again. I mean really talking, there was a time when things were too odd to talk after the split. I mean at least 3 years of distance after we split. Well now we're talking again, luckily. I don't like having weird feeling between anybody. I think I have Ben almost convinced to go bowling so I can invertly get Ben and Alene talking and at least encourage Alene to ask been on a date or something. But now I'm just gonna tell them sorry I couldn't get enough people to go so I'm going to go by myself and bowl for a dollar a game. I told Mason how much my group of friends fell through and he said he'll go with me. It will be fun, I love spending time with him, it just sucks when you try to plan something like this and thought it would be really awesome and then everyone backs out. Argg it just ticks me off. I don't blame my friends... I just hate not getting what I want.

Well I'm going to read my 5th Harry Potter book.

Love you Mason

Sweet dreams

much love

Peace
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Tuesday, July 19, 2005

   just catching up
I came back home from Florida the 12th. I saw dad twice... each time it wasn't great either. The first night he takes a cheap shot at me. He brings up Keith and it disgraces me that he can bring up my past and use it against me, he doesn't have the right to do so. I or Keith can bring it up only. I gave dad this look, if only looks can kill, I guarantee he wouldn't be here on this planet. The next day he tried to prove me wrong about Marshall. We got into a heated argument and I almost nearly jumped up and yelled you haven't been to Marshall in 13 or 14 years you don't know shit. But I didn't. Because that's exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to explode in front of my grandparents, to turn me into the bad guy. I don't give a fuck if he reads this... I don't care.. he brought this upon himself. Go ahead dad, keep trying your cheap shots and your low blows, and see where our relationship will go. I promise you I will not associate with you any longer, your causing me too much stress, its your move dad not mine. I'm done!

When I got back, I got the most un welcoming ever, a sick step-father which meant a very hateful Terry. I ignored him. I got home and called Molly. I went to her house to see her and her mom that obviously missed me. Molly's mom kept referring me as her second daughter whenever someone called. Molly and I went to the 2 local pet stores in Huntington. Her gecko died and she wanted a new lizard.

The next day (Wednesday) we went to a few more pet stores like ones in Ohio. I saw the cutest little puppy... he was so adorable and he wanted me to take him home. He only interacted with me too. I should have gotten him while i was there. Molly got her lizard and then I went to my job interview for cold stone creamery. I was nervous as hell but I was me... thats all that mattered. I dropped by Ainslie's work to say hello. I haven't seen in years!! We caught up and we plan to do lunch sometime. I, then, went to church earned some cash. during church I got a voicemail... mark listened to it first.
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!
I now can earn money and eat ice cream on my break.

Thursday I got to see Mason after 8 days of not getting to see him. It was good for a while and then moody me... (cough PMS cough) got a little out of control. He was showing of to Z and did some things that brought back some horrible memories of Keith and Chippy. I went home in tears all the way back home. I cried myself to sleep as well. God why do those memories hover over me? Before going to bed I called mason and apologized for my mood while i was visiting him. He was understanding.

Friday Molly and I went to hurricane to get my car check over. My car was fine... Then we went to nitro for a couple of pet stores. Then we went to the mall in Charleston to see how much it change. Considering I haven't been there since I was 8, almost 10 years ago. Then we went bowling in St. Albans. We both did well, I bowled awesome!! My average was where I hope it will be when league starts up.

Saturday Mom, Terry, Mason and I went to the Newport aquarium. Its pretty cool. My Marshall shirt brought us a cool guide through the shark exhibit. I enjoyed the time I had with mason even tho I feel we still need to figure each other out.

Sunday: Alene, Katie and her friend britney, and I watched HOT's edition of beauty and the beast. We got rained on and we also made fun of the beast sounding like a caveman. Chico and John did a VERY good job. I was so proud!

Monday: Laze about day and clean. I got to talk to Mason again... it was ok.. we still have to build up trust but everything is awesome. Mom and I had a talk earlier in the week about Mason and I and about her and my father's relationship. It turns out they were good friends and then out of the blue my father asked her to marry her. No wonder it didn't last. If it was just friends for years how do you even think that your friend would go for marriage? Mom is sooooo happy for mason and I she's rooting for us lol. She's a strong hopeless romantic at heart. I'm so glad I have her support.

On that note I'm going to bed :-D

Love you Mason

Much love

Peace
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