Friday, June 17, 2005

   Arg sometimes I just wanna.....
I've gotta update early since I have to get up very early tomorrow for college orientation.

My step-father really pisses me off sometimes. Mom and I are eager to take Mason with us on one of our mini vacations. Yes I know previous times taking "friends" turned out as torture. Well this is very different, its going to be a one-day trip, and its with Mason my boyfriend that I'm crazy for and has the same feelings towards me. We got Terry to say ok, but gave mom and I a lecture "if anything wrong happens .... blah blah blah." He needs to shut his mouth as have a little faith in mom and I. Again, the sooner I can move out and persuade mom to join me would be the best for both of us.

I lost 6 bettas today, wow I really suck at taking care of fish. I have 3 male bettas left that look healthy. So hopefully I can keep them alive.

Sheeba didn't eat she just dragged the mouse into her cave where I couldn't see it. I really should try live mice with her.

My room is almost clean for Mason's visit. I can't wait! He'll be a good reward after the long orientation.

I got a little upset when Mason's protective side flared up. He doesn't like my friend James, and I didn't know. I guess it took me by surprise, but whatever, I'm still going to be friends with James, he's the only one that listens to me rant how wonderful Mason is without biting my head off or say doubtful things about my relationship with Mason. I still love Mason whole heartly.

Much love

Love you Mason

=^_^=

Em
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   Trust up 100% Love up 100% Respect up 100%
Its late (2:00 am) and I talked to Mason on the phone til about 1:10am. During the talk we discussed some things I'm not going to mention and I now have more love, trust and respect for him even more so. Mason is SO different from other guys. Keith and Chippy aren't even a tenth of Mason. They were horrible guys that treated me wrongly. If I had enough sense, I would have pressed charges when I had the chance. One of those guys mentioned above (excluding Mason), forced me into doing a lot of things with him, and I was stupid not to listen to my gut and say no or yell. It was my stupidity that almost ruined my life. I have a pregnancy scare. We didn't know if I was or not for a month because the pregnancy tests says to wait a month before testing for a better results. That was the scariest month of my life. I felt alone and helpless. The guy kept saying if I was I was to abort it. My friends said the same thing. I know where they were coming from, but I'd keep it and deal with my consequences. But I was never pregnant. The Lord watched over me through that mess. I wish I could erase that from my life, its one of my biggest regrets. I still write it in my mind how whorish I was, how careless and stupid I was. I knew better, I know better. That's one reason I broke down and talked to mom, I needed someone to talk to about it. After we talked I told her I should go on birth control because I'm a stupid, gullible idiot, and I need to be safe just in case. I went to the doctor and she told me that 80% of guys today have at least 1 STD, and asked me if I wanted to get tested. I said yes. I got lucky, I remained clean, no STDs. I prayed to God and thanked him for a month because I could have ruined my life even more so. I'm so happy that part of my life is over, and I am with a guy that respects who I am and would never force me to do anything I don't want to do. I love Mason with all my heart. He truly is the perfect guy.

My headache was killed by some very strong pain killers thanks to my step-father and I fell asleep around 6:30am. I woke up at 1pm.

2 of my bettas died. Theres some kind of bacterial/fungal thing that I can't kill. I hope the rest can make it through ok.

I got to say hello to a very dear friend of mine. I needed to talk to him, since Molly wont listen to me talk of my happiness. He's a great listener, and I'm grateful to have him in my life. He wanted to go out with me but I felt we'd be better off as friends. So far I've been right. I think we'll get to chat later. Man, I'm already missing high school.

I think Sheeba ate!!!!!! Sheeba is my ball python that hasn't ate in 6 and a half weeks. The pinky is gone I think she ate it!!! Yay!!!

Okies I need sleep

Love you Mason

Much love
=^_^=
Emz
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Thursday, June 16, 2005

   Tired, cranky, and a fucking headache
Its like 6 un the fucking morning and I have yet to get some sleep. I went to bed at 11pm with the headache and since then its gotten worse. I've had it since around 8pm yesterday, making a grand total of 10 hours having this damn headache. Nothing has worked to get rid of it. I've tried tylonal, cold packs, warm shower, cold shower, IB profen, and a cold wash rag. Nothing has helped and its killing me, I need sleep. Oh now I feel like I'm going to throw up. I better go.
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

   No title, its just a day lol (1:00am)
~~~~~~~~~Yesterday (5/13)~~~~~~~~~
Mom and I had to do some banking because one of us lost the bank book with a grand total of $58 dollars (I might have used to much at christmas lol). I have my own account without my mom's name on it. I'm a big girl now lol. I opened an account with $1230.00 of graduation money. I think its decent enough, right?. I bet its gone by Christmas, unless I get a job. I need money, I want to move out and live on my own. I'm getting tired living with all this drama going on. Its pretty much the only thing that is stressful in my life, remove it and I have a great life. I'm getting restless, I need a major change in my life, something away from my parents. Before that though I must have a job to make money to pay for at least an apartment, I'd rather it be a small house. Then I could hire my boyfriend to mow for me lol.

Then I visited my friend Molly at her house because I had to return her college course guide. It was a funny, I thought I misplaced her papers and called saying "OMG I'm so sorry! I'm a horrible friend I lost your papers." and Molly said "No you didn't you gave them to me like a month ago." I felt like a complete and total airhead.

We then decided to go bowling. We went to colonial but it was closed until 5pm. I had to be back before 5 to go to Mason's cousin's, Ray, 18th Birthday party. So we decided to go bowling in Ceredo which is even more farther away. We still bowled 4 games, and made it back to town early. After the bowling, It made me think if I really wanted to continue with it in league. Mason said "You can't quit something you love." And that just proves the fact if I stop bowling I'll probably feel incomplete. When I was bowling yesterday I felt so goofy happy and yet so serious about it, like if what such a huge part of my life. I still don't know if I am going to keep up with it though. I'm out of practice and it has been killing my arm, and I got so upset with myself with my scores. I put to much unneeded stress on me to bowl my best that it isn't fun anymore. But I still miss going every night to bowl and bowl all my outside stress and frustration out. Ok maybe I will stick with it.

After bowling I went with Mason to Ray's birthday party. It was fun even though I did get eaten alive once again. (BTW the bites on my torso, neck and back were caused by a spider.) Good food and good company, and I remembered a few people from before. I kinda felt out of place, though, I guess that will pass right? Daniel from church said hello. I didn't even remember him living out there. It was nice to see him. After the party we went back to Mason's Dad's house, watched tv and cuddled for an hour. Then I went home happy like usual.

~~~~ Today (5/14) ~~~~

I got to take my Mason to his mom's in Charleston and visited for a while. Had a pleasent nap, and was awakened ever so sweetly by Mason. I wish he slept next to me every night. I'd love waking up next to him every morning seeing his eyes (did I ever mention how sexy they are?) and that charming smile. Everytime we cuddle I get to hear his heart beating, I've failed to mention I love hearing his heart beat. It tells me he's real, he's here, I'm not dreaming.
Well I get a call from my step-father telling me of bad weather, how it possibly have me stay at Mason's over night until the weather was better. Well the weather cleared up and I had to go home. I called mom, then we got into an arguement, I got angry and hung up the phone on her and nearly broke out into tears. Mason was the one to calm me down, he is my hero. No one understands how much I don't really get along with my parents, and how much stress they place on me. They don't believe in the person I am, they never supported me fully in school. They always said I never study and I'm going to fail in college. They don't have faith in me to get a job on my own. Terry enjoys seeing me in misery and actually mocks me even more when things aren't going well. I could go on but why dwell on an asshole in the family? Sure he buys me things, but I really think its an act. I'm tired of it and I'm ready to move out. Thankfully that I have Mason it doesn't seem as lonely as it use to be. I felt like I was in the shadows of people that were try to break me, break my spirits. Its hard to imagine but its been like this since I was nine. I try not to complain, I know there are kids worse off than I am, but sometimes I can't keep quiet. Sometimes I need to speak, I don't like holding things in.

Mason I love you.
Goodnight I must sleep.
New day tomorrow, which means an empty house from 8 to 5 of just being with me. Alone time to think and clear my head and reflect on the positive things in life.
Much Love
(^-^)
~Em~
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Monday, June 13, 2005

   Whoa... This is deep.
Alright if you already didn't guess I had an awesome time with Mason. He came over and we watched the Matrix. The movie was ultra freaky and confusing but still cool. We cuddled as we watch the movie. Damn!! I'm glad he's mine all mine. I told him I loved him, I know its awfully early in the relationship but I'm crazy about him. Its not a crush either, I know this is different because when I dated guys earlier I'd get doubts and couldn't see them with me in the future. I will admit with Mason I did have doubts but they weren't as severe as all the ones with previous relationships and I feel whatever hurdle comes our way we'll be able to handle it. For one, ~~~Mason is worth it!~~~ I can't find anything missing in my life. Mason completes me. And I was scared if I said I loved him to early he freak out and leave me but I needed to say it, its been building up inside me. MASON: I LOVE YOU!! I'm so happy he's in town visiting his dad even though I think he's seen me more than his dad (lol). I get to see him tomorrow too (5-13-05). He's got a cook out to go to. I think I remember a few of his relatives lol.

More love to Mason!!

Whoa... exactly 2 months until my 18th birthday! OMG I'll be dating jail bait, wow the adrenaline will be high there.... lol we'll be good, have no reason to worry. lol ;-)

much love
peace
need sleep so I can dream about my honey
=^-^=
Em
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Sunday, June 12, 2005

   I hate mosquitos!!!!
Over the past few days I've gotten the shit eaten out of me. I have like 10 bites on my neck, back, and stomach. I know they are mosquito bites because when I get bit by them, the area around the bite swells and is a huge red welt about the size of a dime, blood red. This year they're being brutal. They usually go for arms or legs and now they're going through my clothing and biting my torso. It really makes me mad. I wish mosquitos would be extinct.

I went to Mason's yesterday after ACTs. Its great to have some one- one for a change. I like his friends but its good to be with just Mason. His friends backed out with seeing Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I was a little upset for Mason, and the other half was jumping for joy because I had Mason to myself. The movie was extremely good. I give it 4 and a half stars. lol go see it!

Well I better go and get cleaning, Mason is coming over to my house today.

Much love!
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Saturday, June 11, 2005

   Its 630 in the AM
I can't believe I'm up this early during the summer time... ugh I need bed!!!! I have the ACT because I felt I needed to take it over. (16 on the english section out of 36 how sad is that? 20 over all, would have had higher if that stupid english section arg) There is a big positive tho, I get to see Mason afterwards!! Cant wait for that one. Anyway I gotta eat breakfast before this test or I will fail it; I would sleep through the first 2 sections lol.
More later
Much Love!
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Thursday, June 9, 2005

   So much to update.......
I think the last time I updated I had to go and meet my dad and grandfather at their hotel so we could go out and eat. It didn't go well. Dad made me feel guilty about my choice not to see him for 2 years in Florida. Its not my fault he's a slob and doesn't realize how it hurts me to live like that. I can't stand a dirty room let alone an apartment. But I really don't want to relive that past by talking about it so moving on....

On Saturday June 4th: I GRADUATED!! All family that could attend did attend. Mason, Jake and his family, JD, and James also attended. The ceremony was really long, like 2 and a half hours long. During that time, I must have looked at Mason a total of 100 times. It means a lot when he sat through the whole thing w/o falling asleep. He aslo looked fine. He was dressed up. :) That same day, JD and James took my family from miami to Rio Grande, a mexican resturaunt. It went a little smoother than the day before. JD, James and I went mini golfing. JD won by 4 shots and I got burnt (so whats new). I then get to spend time with MY Mason. I went to his cousin Ray's graduation party. Everyone was so kind to me, which was a nice change from my family. The best thing was Mason, and thats what my previous poem was for.

Sunday was a recooperation day. VERY tired from everyone and events. Saw my Dad and grandfather off at the airport. Then relaxed and watch TV all day in PJ's.

Monday Molly, JD and I hung out and shopped. We had a little adventure before the shopping trip started. We stopped to add gass to my car, I filled it up and paid it. Then it wouldn't start. To make a long story short, called Molly's mom for advice, didn't work, called Terry and prepared for the worst, Molly's mom took us to the mall, went back to car 5 mins after we left for mall, turned out there was dirt in the gasoline and caused a blockage. I drove back to the mall and picked back up for shopping.

Tuesday- I had a headache the whole day until 3 or 4 pm. Applied for another job. Relaxed the rest of the day.

Wednesday- My day with Mason!! It was absolutely a great thing to see him. He really was the boost I needed lately because my step-father has gotten worse. He left a sweet message on my phone while I was driving home. He can be as corny as he wants I love it. I really need to tell him something but I want to tell him in person, I guess that will be Saturday!!!!

We've been dating for 2 weeks!! Its a big thing for me, I've had really bad luck with relationships. Its either the guy was bored with me or I wasn't comfortable with the relationship. There isnt anything wrong with my relationship with Mason, it is absouletly perfect!!! I really hope he feels the same way. I can't wait to see him Saturday. Huggsss and kisses to him. :-D

Now I need sleep. Goodnight!
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Sunday, June 5, 2005

   Just a few quizes to enjoy

You are the Spirit of Love. You think around
romance and are extremely compassionate.
Whenever you want something you can get it due
to your fiery passion. You can make friends
quite easily, because peopole are attracted to
your obvious good nature. You will have no
trouble in finding a life partner and will be
very happy.


Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
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The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
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You like the ones that understand you.


What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
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