Saturday, June 4, 2005

   To my Mason (a kind of poem)
To my Mason,
Who thinks I'm great.
I'm so thankful
To have you in my life
Your so different
From the other guys,
You make me feel
Like a diamond,
Wanted and loved.
You treat me
As I'm a jewel that
Should be cherished
And cared for.
For that reason,
I love being with you,
Everyday we grow closer.
And you say I'm pretty
One way or another.
You make me smile and laugh
Like I've never done before.
I send you all my hugs and kisses,
And pray you are happy with me,
For I am crazy about you.
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Friday, June 3, 2005

   Well I did have a good day, and the isnt even over yet
I woke up at one today and found several chores I had to do before I could do anything. I did them all at warp speed. Then took a shower, I think a washed my hair three times lol. Then went to get balloons for Will. The lady there took forever!!! I wanted to get the balloons to Will before I went to get Mason from school.

I delievered the balloons and then Mason and I got to the movies like 5 mins late. It just hasn't been my day. The only good time I had today was with Mason.

I know this is probably weird to say this early in a relationship, but I wish I was living with him. It really would be great to wake up next to him. I feel like nothing bad can happen when I'm in his arms. I wish I was with him now, instead of waiting for my dad to call. He just called so I gotta go.

LOTS OF LOVE
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   My evening (6-2-05)
This evening went by all to fast. Mason came over around 6:15pm and had dinner. We then came down to my room and watched Fight Club. I enjoyed it.

God ol' mighty, Mason rocks my world. He's the best guy that has ever been in my life. He makes me feel like he really wants me. I think the feeling is mutual, when I'm around him, I can't keep my hands off him. Mason makes me feel beautiful. I know I don't say it enough but he is the hottest guy in the world. If someone asked me which celeb. is the hottest, I would say my boyfriend, Mason. In my mind he is my celeb. I'm going to be greedy just for a min ~~~~> Mason is mine, all mine!!!!!!!

Ok, To shorten the entry, Mason and I had a VERY good time together, and we're planning to see each other tomorrow and see another movie. ::sigh:: I can't get enough of him!!!

Other things happened today, I went to the dentist and graduation practice. Both were blah compared to the time I spent with Mason. :)

Sweet Dreams!
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Thursday, June 2, 2005

   I've come to a conclusion....
I DON'T CARE WHAT FRIENDS THINK ABOUT MASON AND I! The only things that matter are his happiness and my happiness. I'm dating Mason and not everyone else. I'm sorry to my friends, but this one time I do not care if you like the fact mason and I are together, I'm thinking of myself for once. The one person I want to please is my boyfriend. He means the world to me and no one can tell me otherwise.

I gotta say this: Kayliegh, (however your effing name is spelled) eff you and your damn looks you give me.

Ok now that the stuff that was bothering me is out, time for the ranting lesser important stuff in exception to anything Mason. He's one of the most important thing in my life. ::sigh::

Yea, I went back to HHS once again and volunteered to watch little kids for 5+ hours for special olympics. Its a great cause but I absolutely hate the fact the sun was out blaring. I'm as pale as a ghost and I burn very easily so I used $8 50spf sunscreen. AND I still get burned. I put that stuff on 2 times in the span of the 5 hours. What!?, do I have to put it on every hour??????? I need to find a cave and live there for the rest of my life. You think Mason would go for it, if I sweet talk him into it? Actually, there was a cool cave house on one of those channels mom watches. The house never warms up past 65 degrees and nevr falls below 50 degrees. As someone would say, perfect hoodie weather.

But anyway I'm off subject lol, what was I talking about? Oh wait pale skin and burning. Damn I think I'm gonna peel.

Mason went to church with me again! I'm so impressed with him, he's really in to me. (Wow I need to stop saying that, I sound like a broken help record) We had the church game, and Mason won $5. I won $10, but I think I won more than money tonight. Some how I think we grew 10x closer tonight... maybe thats just me.

Yea I get home after another absoultely, wonderfully, awesome night with Mason (forget english in the first part of that sentence lol), but what night isn't when I'm with him (giggle), I get online and Dad IMs me. He asked for Mom to call him and doesn't tell me diddly. I know its about my grad. gift. I'm not that big of an airhead! I'm sorry, Dad asking permission from Mom is weird. Whatever happened to the I don't give a d*mn what the other parent thinks? Maybe its the old age... yeah I know cruel. I still love em'.

I wish Sheeba, my baby ball python, would eat someting. Its been a month she hasn't eaten.

I pray for you Will!! I know deep down you'll be ok and be back bowling with me and the league in the fall.

Graduation practice tomorrow at 1pm (well today) and the "dreaded" dentist is at 4pm. I hope I can make it. Molly thinks its gonna last FOREVER! I hope not, I need more time to clean and prep before Mason comes over.

And now we find me here typing instead of cleaning for Masons visit. Well at least the bed looks neat, thats what we're sitting on to watch Fight Club.

I'm going... goodnight, peace, huggles, kissers, love, and the rest of the sappy stuff.
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Tuesday, May 31, 2005

   A lot on my chest
I was reading my fellow classmates livejournals that I passed over by accident, and the more realize I have the exact same fears as everyone else. I guess my biggest fear is growing up, going to college and starting my own life. I knew it was coming, but does it have to be so soon? I mean sure I've wanted to be on my own but I never thought life could move so quickly. I now believe life moves the fastest when your happy. Even though I have my two biggest regrets my senior year, I will admit it has been my happiest. And since its gone so fast I want to relive it, but as my mom says the teen year are the best times in your life, treasure each day. And I have. Lord knows I have. Especially the past 3 months.

But what am I going to do since I'm done with high school? I know I'm going to college and getting a job but does everything else come naturally to you? I'm scared stiff, I'm unable to comprehend my next steps in life. It feels as a black whole.

My deepest darkest secret: I really just want to be a homemaker and have a good family. Love is my goal in life. I know my parents love me but its still not enough. I want someone to be head over heels in love with me and vise versa. Someone I know that will never leave me and love me unconditionally.

Yes, I am still dating Mason, it will be a week Wednesday. But as several of my friends keep drilling in my head 'he's not the one' and 'couples that meet in high school never last', and it kills me. And I am almost starting to believe them. I'm so quiet around him, I can't break out of my shell. I'm honestly crazy about him but how can a relationship work when I feel I always need to impress him. Didn't Mason choose me? Why am I having these second thoughts? Are we that different? Does he seriously like me for me? Why me? I'm the worst person to try to have a relationship with. God, why do my friends get into my head?? Why can't I think for myself, be myself?! I really love Mason (Yes love) for being with me. For choosing me. He has truely made my life 100% better. The past 3 months have been like a dream. Every time I am with him, it has been as a dream. I don't want to lose it. Its been the best, and I'm scared to death me over thinking everything will kill it. GOd help me, you had him walk into my life, please don't let him leave. I seriously want him here.

I keep telling myself, one day at a time. Don't rush or over think things. Let the leaves fall where they may when it comes to your life, and trust in the lord. He has a plan for you, trust in him. Its so hard not know what life has instore for me.

Ok on a few lighter notes:

Mom talked to Kim, my next door neighbors sister in law, and found out a good place I could apply for a job and use Kim as a reference. I'm going today (since it is in the AM of Tuesday). The place is called Rue 21, its at the mall, which is cool. Hopefully I can get it. I'm just worried it will cut into my being with Mason time. I need money too, tho.

Mason and I time has been cut down to a trinkle. Over the weekend I was out of town and Mason was at his mom's. We still chatted everyday on the phone. Terry brought up the fact I might be smothering him, and I might be pushing him away. I told Terry Mason asked me to call, thats not smothering. What am I suppose to act like I'm not interested? I really wish people would stop putting doubts in my head. But anyway Tuesday I have the Awards ceremony that will last forever, and I didn't want him to suffer through it. Wednesday I have church, I told him he's welcome to come, but I don't think he will. Thursday is our day to be together, but before we're together I have graduation practice and Will's surgery to pray about. Friday my Dad and grandfather comes in, so I get to entertain him all weekend. Saturday is my graduation, Mason will be there but I don't know how much time I'll get to spend with him. Sunday I see off dad, and hopefully get to go to church. I have yet to go for the past few weeks because of prom and vacation. This week sucks. Last week Mason and I saw each other everyday. Arg!

I talked to Dad today. I was trying to get his itenerary for saturday, and I'm telling you it was harder than pulling teeth. I want to know when so I could meet them and greet then at the airport, be the good little daughter I was suppose to be. Well it turns out he already made arrangements for the hotel to come pick them up. Grrrr the one time I try to be a decent young lady I'm suppose to be and he pretty much slams the door in my face. I don't think Dad and I will ever click like we use to. I still think we're going to go out to eat, it will be around 8:30 at night but what the hell. I'm hopeful I'll still have a good time.

I wanna rant more but I think I have more than enough this post.

Lots of love!!
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Friday, May 27, 2005

   OMG I've got news and news and news
Terry is being an asshole as usual and mom hears my complaints. One of these days I'm moving her out of here. She nor I deserve to be treated like this, like dirt. That or I'll be wanted for murder if he drives me over the edge, I'm so tired of his crap arg!!! He says I'm spoiled, he yells and screams when he doesn't get what he wants. The Cry Baby GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!

I have a new car yay!! Its a 2002 White Saturn Sedan. If you want a hybrid car but don't have the money for it get a saturn vehicle because they get very good gas mileage, except the Saturn Relay (van) and the Saturn Vue (SUV). They get terrible gas mileage because they are huge cars. Who seriously needs a large car. Station Wagons are the best.

About 3 weeks ago I got a baby ball python. She's now 9 weeks old and her name is Sheeba. Now if she'll only eat.

I'm sure you all are wondering what has happened between Mason and I. LOL Well, I asked him to Prom. He went and we both had a really good time. But had an even better time at after-Prom. We watched movies all night in each others arms. It was really sweet. Then he kissed me. ::sigh:: And now we've became inseparable. He's done almost everything with me, even church! We started dating officially 5-25-05. He's SO great! We've talked everyday. The night after church, we went to taco bell. I was eating slowly and he kept staring at me, I was like stop staring at me I don't like being watched while I eat. He said "well I'm looking at the wall, your just in the way." I was like "that wasn't very nice." He responded "yea it was, it was either that or say the really corny thing." lol Which was going to be something like I'm staring at your beauty. God, he's great.
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Monday, April 4, 2005

   Its been a veeeeeerrrrrrrrryyyyyy good day!
Its a too nice of a day to stay online and play games so I am goimg to try to make this short.

I did call back Mason and we talked even longer than the first time, that early sunday morning (3 am) I almost fell asleep while talking to him... well I use to be a night owl lol.

I fell asleep around 4:30 that morning and slept til 11:30am and was late to my friend Molly's house. I was suppose to be there at 11:30 lol, but got there at 12:30. She forgave me lol. We went to the mall and I finally got a new CD player. I needed a new one desperately! I also got my first 3 mangas... yea I know, pitiful. I got the Wolf Rain series (2) and the first book of Confidental Confessions. I've already sped through the first book of Wolf rain. I like it, even one of my best friends is barrowing it, and I haven't even had it for one full day.

I thought I might have scared Mason away with some of the things I said about myself. I pretty much expected him to pretend I wasn't there anymore, and not notice me. Well aparently I was wrong. He was still the same to me. He still came and sat next to me in 3rd mod and talked to me. He still poked me and flicked a rubber band at me, and hugged me good-bye when he went to catch his bus. Do you think he's in to me?
Much love !!!
Peace!!!
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Sunday, April 3, 2005

   Its like 2 in the morning....
Hello again...I went to a fish auction today and bought 64$ of fish. (yes how pathetic) Never fear I still have money. I got to see Daniel, which was a total hottie like always. Its a shame I'm almost 3 years older than him.

Mason finally called me! I mean finally, I was going to call him. We talked fo quite a while which is strange for a guy. I'm not even sure how much younger he is... I'm thinking 2 years... Its not bad right? If I call him back does it seem desparate? after this update I'm going to call him...

I really should go to bed I'm suppose to hang out with Molly tomorrow... I mean today lol. I'm so tired but yet so wired. Anyway I'm outtie!
Peace
and Much Love

P.S. TY for the last comment it really boosted my spirits and made me feel loved. You know who you are... one great, true online friend!!!
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

   Its been a really long time
Well where to begin, omg the last time i updated was the whole keith thing... well thats over with. Don't ever let me say anything about him again k? If I mention him you all can send me a computer virus or something.

I went to the state tournament and did absolutely horrible. I placed 37 out of 69. yuck! You wouldn't believe that i was state champion last year. lol

Well mom and I did bonding... I was really upset because my family is shit. I told that to her. I have a verbally abusive step father that drinks every night and mom protects and defends him. I'm tired of his bull shit, and I was telling her that when I changed the subject to me. I slipped and told her I'm not a virgin. She was in shock, like every mother would be. It was obvious I did a good job hiding it because mom had no idea, aparently Terry didnt know either. We decided not to tell terry or dad. They would flip. We also agreed that I should go to the clinic and get checked out and go on the pill. Well at least I'm not a goodie goodie like everyone thought anymore. I was so sick of that!!!

Well Woody and I, argggggggggg, were digging each other even though he's taken. He has a girlfriend and I am staying away from him now. Earlier he wanted to "hang out" and I responded "we can't" and he asked "why not?" I was like "Can you control yourself when you are around me? I know I can't when I'm around you" and he answered "no." Its been really weird since then. But oh well.

If a guy pokes, tickles, throws paper wades at you, gropes, and hugs you, you'd think he'd be wanting something or may be he's back in middle school trying to grab your attention. Mom thinks Mason (the guy that is doing this to me) likes me. Mason is very hot, he works out, but isnt as built as keith (thank God!). Molly is ok with him and thats a big test. He has my number but I think he's to shy to call me that or lazy. Who knows where this will go.

James is digging Molly am I jealous? I have no clue. J.D. still likes me I think... But am I girl that likes all this attention from the guys? I mean I never had any until this past year and a half. Does that make me shallow if I am jealous of Molly?

My bowling alley looks like its gonna close soon. Its totally closed on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I don't even want to think where I'd go if they close.

I finally made Who's Who!! About DAMN time lol.

Prom... I don't think I want to go. Theres nobody I want to go with. I'm not in a prom mood, hopefully that mood will change.

My grandfather died friday march 18th. I and I think Becky were the only ones truely effected. Everyone laughed at the viewing. No one took anything seriously. I was crushed, I still miss him. may his soul rest in peace!

Graduation is in a few months. I'm worried.. everyone in my family is coming, prepare for hell. It might be the last day because the end of the world might take place that day. Only God knows whats going to happen.

I think thats it..
Until next time!
much love!
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

And another Quiz.... I like this one lol

You like the prince charming type.


What kind of guy are you most attracted to? (CUTE anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

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