Wednesday, June 15, 2005

   No title, its just a day lol (1:00am)
~~~~~~~~~Yesterday (5/13)~~~~~~~~~
Mom and I had to do some banking because one of us lost the bank book with a grand total of $58 dollars (I might have used to much at christmas lol). I have my own account without my mom's name on it. I'm a big girl now lol. I opened an account with $1230.00 of graduation money. I think its decent enough, right?. I bet its gone by Christmas, unless I get a job. I need money, I want to move out and live on my own. I'm getting tired living with all this drama going on. Its pretty much the only thing that is stressful in my life, remove it and I have a great life. I'm getting restless, I need a major change in my life, something away from my parents. Before that though I must have a job to make money to pay for at least an apartment, I'd rather it be a small house. Then I could hire my boyfriend to mow for me lol.

Then I visited my friend Molly at her house because I had to return her college course guide. It was a funny, I thought I misplaced her papers and called saying "OMG I'm so sorry! I'm a horrible friend I lost your papers." and Molly said "No you didn't you gave them to me like a month ago." I felt like a complete and total airhead.

We then decided to go bowling. We went to colonial but it was closed until 5pm. I had to be back before 5 to go to Mason's cousin's, Ray, 18th Birthday party. So we decided to go bowling in Ceredo which is even more farther away. We still bowled 4 games, and made it back to town early. After the bowling, It made me think if I really wanted to continue with it in league. Mason said "You can't quit something you love." And that just proves the fact if I stop bowling I'll probably feel incomplete. When I was bowling yesterday I felt so goofy happy and yet so serious about it, like if what such a huge part of my life. I still don't know if I am going to keep up with it though. I'm out of practice and it has been killing my arm, and I got so upset with myself with my scores. I put to much unneeded stress on me to bowl my best that it isn't fun anymore. But I still miss going every night to bowl and bowl all my outside stress and frustration out. Ok maybe I will stick with it.

After bowling I went with Mason to Ray's birthday party. It was fun even though I did get eaten alive once again. (BTW the bites on my torso, neck and back were caused by a spider.) Good food and good company, and I remembered a few people from before. I kinda felt out of place, though, I guess that will pass right? Daniel from church said hello. I didn't even remember him living out there. It was nice to see him. After the party we went back to Mason's Dad's house, watched tv and cuddled for an hour. Then I went home happy like usual.

~~~~ Today (5/14) ~~~~

I got to take my Mason to his mom's in Charleston and visited for a while. Had a pleasent nap, and was awakened ever so sweetly by Mason. I wish he slept next to me every night. I'd love waking up next to him every morning seeing his eyes (did I ever mention how sexy they are?) and that charming smile. Everytime we cuddle I get to hear his heart beating, I've failed to mention I love hearing his heart beat. It tells me he's real, he's here, I'm not dreaming.
Well I get a call from my step-father telling me of bad weather, how it possibly have me stay at Mason's over night until the weather was better. Well the weather cleared up and I had to go home. I called mom, then we got into an arguement, I got angry and hung up the phone on her and nearly broke out into tears. Mason was the one to calm me down, he is my hero. No one understands how much I don't really get along with my parents, and how much stress they place on me. They don't believe in the person I am, they never supported me fully in school. They always said I never study and I'm going to fail in college. They don't have faith in me to get a job on my own. Terry enjoys seeing me in misery and actually mocks me even more when things aren't going well. I could go on but why dwell on an asshole in the family? Sure he buys me things, but I really think its an act. I'm tired of it and I'm ready to move out. Thankfully that I have Mason it doesn't seem as lonely as it use to be. I felt like I was in the shadows of people that were try to break me, break my spirits. Its hard to imagine but its been like this since I was nine. I try not to complain, I know there are kids worse off than I am, but sometimes I can't keep quiet. Sometimes I need to speak, I don't like holding things in.

Mason I love you.
Goodnight I must sleep.
New day tomorrow, which means an empty house from 8 to 5 of just being with me. Alone time to think and clear my head and reflect on the positive things in life.
Much Love
(^-^)
~Em~
Comments (1)