Friday, June 17, 2005

   Trust up 100% Love up 100% Respect up 100%
Its late (2:00 am) and I talked to Mason on the phone til about 1:10am. During the talk we discussed some things I'm not going to mention and I now have more love, trust and respect for him even more so. Mason is SO different from other guys. Keith and Chippy aren't even a tenth of Mason. They were horrible guys that treated me wrongly. If I had enough sense, I would have pressed charges when I had the chance. One of those guys mentioned above (excluding Mason), forced me into doing a lot of things with him, and I was stupid not to listen to my gut and say no or yell. It was my stupidity that almost ruined my life. I have a pregnancy scare. We didn't know if I was or not for a month because the pregnancy tests says to wait a month before testing for a better results. That was the scariest month of my life. I felt alone and helpless. The guy kept saying if I was I was to abort it. My friends said the same thing. I know where they were coming from, but I'd keep it and deal with my consequences. But I was never pregnant. The Lord watched over me through that mess. I wish I could erase that from my life, its one of my biggest regrets. I still write it in my mind how whorish I was, how careless and stupid I was. I knew better, I know better. That's one reason I broke down and talked to mom, I needed someone to talk to about it. After we talked I told her I should go on birth control because I'm a stupid, gullible idiot, and I need to be safe just in case. I went to the doctor and she told me that 80% of guys today have at least 1 STD, and asked me if I wanted to get tested. I said yes. I got lucky, I remained clean, no STDs. I prayed to God and thanked him for a month because I could have ruined my life even more so. I'm so happy that part of my life is over, and I am with a guy that respects who I am and would never force me to do anything I don't want to do. I love Mason with all my heart. He truly is the perfect guy.

My headache was killed by some very strong pain killers thanks to my step-father and I fell asleep around 6:30am. I woke up at 1pm.

2 of my bettas died. Theres some kind of bacterial/fungal thing that I can't kill. I hope the rest can make it through ok.

I got to say hello to a very dear friend of mine. I needed to talk to him, since Molly wont listen to me talk of my happiness. He's a great listener, and I'm grateful to have him in my life. He wanted to go out with me but I felt we'd be better off as friends. So far I've been right. I think we'll get to chat later. Man, I'm already missing high school.

I think Sheeba ate!!!!!! Sheeba is my ball python that hasn't ate in 6 and a half weeks. The pinky is gone I think she ate it!!! Yay!!!

Okies I need sleep

Love you Mason

Much love
=^_^=
Emz
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