This is me and no one else. Either respect who I am or keep your dissing to yourself. Helpful opinions are welcome. Question, Comment, or Concern... email me or private message me.
Thursday, November 2, 2006
Poem
Searching...
I have a wonderful love,
a life I made happen,
and friends that look after me.
But why am I searching?
Searching for a future, a hope,
Myself?
I don't know my motivation,
I've lost me.
I keep searching for something
That will cure me
Of a growing emptiness inside of me.
Searching for the pure bliss
and joy I had for my life.
Everything is so uncertain,
So unbalanced, so easily tipped
That I could lose the ones
so dear to me.
With reassurance fading out of sight,
I remain searching for my hope,
my life, and myself.
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006
 La La La ::sigh:: Em is in a good mood!!! (For once lol)11:45am Today | Edit Note | Delete
Mason and I are doing well. We're working through things and I feel we're doing better... for once I'm not doubting anything now. I've been very conservative on stating my perspective on the subject of relationships. I can sum up what i think in one sentence: If you want a relationship to be strong, loving, and trusting, you must be willing to take the good times as well as the bad times no matter how drastic they may be. In a relationship there will be battles through the tough times and if you can handle them, then you shouldn't be in that relationship.
Bowling went awesomely! I just bowled my highest series ever this past Sunday: 605 series, consisting of a 191, 200, and a 214. ::sigh:: I'm still on my high lol!
Emily needs to concentrate on school work... but her attention is slipping... Emily should be studying for Macroeconomics but can find her concentration...
LoL... ok time to study!!
All Smiles!!!!
Plans for weekend:
Friday night with Mason
Saturday bowling, work 1-5, dinner and a movie with Mom
Sunday rio grande and the corn maze with Molly and whatever else we wanna do.lol
oh yea,,, any homework I'll need to do... lol
::smiles::smiles::
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
part 2
Things are going alright. Mason and I are still together but obviously it doesn't feel the same to me. A) I'm afraid I might do or say somthing that will mess it up. B) I'm afriad he still is thinking about the other girls when he's not with me or even with me. C) He'll still finds the relationship boring. I know we've only just recently talked out our problems and have started to work on them, but I'm still bothered and VERY weary. Does he want this? Does he really want to be in this relationship? The more I think about it the more I think he does, otherwise he wouldn't still be in it. I'm so emotionally exhausted that what he does now whether he leaves me or stays I'm going to be numb for a while. I've cried so much in the past 6 days I'm so drained. I want things to work out but not where he's not happy in it either. I wish he'd say "I want this to work" or give a suggestion on what we should do. Show some kind of encouraging sign that this is what he wants. I know he wants me to be happy, but what does HE actually want. Molly and my mom both believe we just need a few days to a week apart. I'm not sure what I want now. If he's thinking of someone else, what am I? Am I now just a part of the family that he loves? Its tough and very rough. We'll see where this goes...
I love him and always will. I pray things work out.
Maybe I'll go shopping and see a movie with my mom next weekend. I need some girl fun. I'm thinking about doing a small winter trip to somewhere to just get away. Don't know where yet... somewhere secluded and quiet would be nice so I can do some reading and catch up on ps2 games. ::sigh::
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I hope this is true!
¢¾When A Guy Misses You!!!¢¾
When a guy calls you, he wants to be with you
When a guy is quiet, He's listening to you...
When a guy is not arguing, He realizes he's wrong
When a guy says, "I'm fine, " after a few minutes, he means it
When a guy stares at you, he wishes you would care about him and wonders if you do?
When you're laying your head on a guy's chest he has the world
When a guy calls you everyday he is in love
When a (good) guy say he loves you he means it
WHEN A GUY SAYS HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU HE'S WITH YOU TILL YOUR DONE..
WHEN A GUY SAYS , "I MISS YOU" HE MISSES YOU MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER HAVE MISSED HIM OR ANYTHING ELSE.....
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Monday, October 9, 2006
My relationship
1:44am Today
Its not going well. I'm trying so hard to hold on to him, but he's the one not trying. I tried being cute, funny, and sexy but it didn't work. A couple of days ago he told me our relationship was getting boring, I could tell something was off before then. I told him tonight about what I was going to get him for his graduation: trip to King's Island, for his birthday/christmas: an unmentionable, and he wouldn't let me tell him about the 2 year anniversery gift: a silver ban that is ingraved Forever Yours, with love from Emily. I don't even know if he'll like it. Its suppose to mark the love and dedication I have for him.
(He just IMed me saying I need to be in bed) I know he loves and cares about me but it feels like hes a ghost, like I can feel him only part of the time when he reaches for me like something is pulling us apart. Its not clear anymore. I'm still sending out the same love, maybe even more than I have, because now the sake of our relationship realies on our love. A good friend to me said "love is worth fighting for" and I really didn't understand it until Mace and I have our week break up back in June. The love I have for Mason runs deep, runs pure, and I truely believe he is my one true love because he has saved me continuously from my problems, family, stress, and even from myself. I'm lost without him. I only hope and pray that we can make it through this.
I love you Mason!
my prayer:
Dear Lord,
I know I'm not the biggest believer but I do have a faith in you. I believe you sent Mason to me as my guardian angel, friend, and lover when I needed someone to love and to love me back. I pray that he will stay in my life and still have those same relations with me. He has helped me along with some friends to keep on my feet when times were rough and our love has grown because of it. Many people say that I'm strong, but in truth, Mason has been my backbone, my strength to move on. And please Lord, please don't take him away from me. I can't see myself with anyone else, he's my better half. I can't lose him. I love him! I don't need another big heart break like I have in the past. Please Lord! I need your help.
In your dire need,
Love,
Emily
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