Saturday, June 23, 2007

   WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????????
I'm warning you now...this is going to be a very long post because I write when I'm upset and I am VERY upset!


AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! *whimpers* My ex won't leave me alone!!!!! Why I ask you why?!?!?! He wants to go back out with me and I know that but I'm not going back out with him and he knows that!!! Ugh this is horrible...I suck at being mean to people! It was nearly impossible for me to break up with him and that was after he told me he liked another girl! And my only hesitation being that I might hurt his feelings! I'm pathetic!

All right so he's texting me right now; I told him it's not going to work between us and that when I said we could be friends I meant in the same way I am with my other guy friends from school. Which means he DOESN'T call me! And that we might talk once school starts if we have any of the same classes. But then he said he couldn't deal with me not hating him or loving him! I wanted to scream and pull my hair out! He's impossible I tell you, IMPOSSIBLE! He tries to tell me how I feel while trying to get me back! like either one will work anyway! But I told him that it's hard for me to hate anyone and that he should move on. That he should go out with Sasha (the one he had feelings for) and that I wasn't trying be mean but he should find someone else! He said never! So fine then, I give up! I'm done! Enough with the advice! I tried to be nice but nooooooo. So he can just go being lonely for the rest of his life even though I KNOW that won't happen! *takes deep breath* the title of the post says it all...why, why me, just why?

All right now I have to complain a little...feel free to skip over this part!

I mean if my life isn't complicated enough now I have to add this into the mix of stresses in my life! Seriously my life is chaotic. I have only slept in my bed once this whole week! And no I'm not a slut! Ok my parents are divorced. So this week my mom is at the beach getting a massage while I'm stuck at home. So I'm with my dad this week...the week when he has to work a lot. So I have slept over at his girlfriends house 3 days, my granmas once, and in my house once. So I have had to carry around a duffle bag all week with clothes and what not in it not knowing when I'm going to be at my house! Ugh and then there are the long term stresses. My parents constantly arguing about who's house I should be at when. Helllooooo? I'm old enough to decide for myself! Ugh and then there's my mom's relationship with my step-dad. You could write a series of books about it! To put it simply they have decided to get a divorce three times now but they are still sleeping under the same roof! Ugh. And my grandma who I love dearly but is always asking questions about my life. What am I supposed to tell her when she asks how my week was? "Oh just the usual, I broke up with my bf who I loved, my step-dad walked out and then right back in, oh and I haven't seen my room in four days! So how was your week nana?" Yeah I don't think so. So I end up telling her that I broke up with my bf and that I'm fine about it and the rest of my family is fine! Such a huge lie but I hate seeing her worry about me since she is already all worked up about my uncle who had his driver's license revoked for DUI. Did I ever mention how messed up my family is??? Well they are! Waaaaay too messed up for me to begin to explain! But wait don't forget the step-families! They have something to contribute too! All right so the mother of my dad's girlfriend's deceased husband strongly disagrees with everything my mother does. (Did ya catch all that?) All right now see if you can understand this one! My step-ex-adopted nephew who is older then me is hot but I can't go out with him for various reasons one big one being that we're suddenly related but not really because he really isn't even related to my step-dad who also isn't even related to me! So how's that for logic. And no there hasn't been anyone who could figure out what his actual relation to me is besides the people in my step-dad's family.

So there are just a few of my problems. I could go on forever with some smaller ones but I don't have the time for that and I'm sure you don't want to read about them.

So I'm sorry for ranting like that but that's what I do when I get mad and worked up about something. I don't get mad at anyone in particular...I write...I write a lot and I write it fast! And like tonight I write it when I'm dead tired so all the angry thoughts come out without hesitation. Plus I feel much better when I wake up. But waking up requires falling asleep so I better go! And once again I'm really really sorry for ranting. But AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HE NEEDS TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! UGH! I'm going now I promise I'll stop ranting.
*thinks happy thoughts* *takes a deep breath*

ttyl
-Linz

P.S. If you haven't read my poem yet it's still posted...I'm very proud of my poem. ^_^
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