Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Can you see this?
Hey, if you can read this, you're better off than me. I can't even se my own posts right now. I hate messed up HTML codes. I'm trying to fix it, but s o far it isn't working. I'm still trying, though...
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Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Sorry
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, my stupid internet is being stupid. I got a Kyo bracelet the other day! ^_^ I'm trying to be happier. I don't want to think about my past anymore. It's depressing. Ugh. We sang for like, 8 hours uin a hot gym with 200 people with no air conditioning. It sucked. Bad. I hated it. I'll try to do more later, but right now, I'm really busy, so I have to go! Bye!
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Wednesday, April 6, 2005

   My past....
Look, I'm not mad at my father simply becasue of him lying to me. And you don't know what he lied to me about. He lied about my mother and the way she was, the things she did, not only to me, but to the pastor and to his family and everyone else just to pit everyone else against my mom. Noe he's doing the same to me. He's trying to say that I'm not going to see him because of my own emotional and mental problems. That I need anger management and therapy for depression and crap. I do not have depression. No. I won't go back to that. Not again... I won't do it again! I've been to Hell and back more than once, and I don't want to go back. I don't want to see my dad. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, I have no father. And don't penalze me! You don't know the abuse I've lived through! You don't know what hell's lke! To live in a home where no one can be trusted, where everythig told to you by your dad is a lie, and you not knowing it. Your dad's never home, but when he is, all he does is lie about you and your mom! To have a mom who has no self esteem, totally broken down emotionally and mentally, unable to help herself, and living with a man like that! Just picture it! Picture coming home to your mom crying everyday, being afraid to go home in fear of getting beat for no reason! Picture being so naive that you have no idea what's going on! Then when it hits you, it hits you like a truck! Picture your life being torn apart in one instant! Picture the pain consuming you so much tht you turn to a blade to rid you of your sorrow! Picture being ridiculed by the one who hurt you for not knowing, even today! Picture it! Feel my pain! I can tell you to, but you never will. You never will! So don't tell me not to be mad, dangit! Don't tell me how I can feel! don't tell me I don't have a right! You don't know hell! You don't know me! You don't know me...


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Tuesday, April 5, 2005

   +_+
KYO-CHAN IS MINE, LIN-CHAN!!!!!! I WILL PROVE HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM!!!


I will fight you for him always, Lin-chan!


Kyo is so good looking...


Lucky Kyo-chan! I love cats...


You see, Lin-chan? You cannot beat me in my love for Kyo-chan. Can you share his pain? No? I can. Let me tell you my story...

I don't exactly have the best HOME LIFE in the world. I don't ever want to see my father again as long as I live. I share Kyo's loneliness. I was shunned by my schools in both towns until I got my life straighted out in 8th grade. Up until then, everyone made fun of me. People rejected me because of who I was without even getting to know me. I was quiet in elementary because of it. When my parents got a divorce, my life went crashing down. I learned that everything that I had ever been told about my father was a big lie. He had lied to me for my entire life, and I had fallen into his trap. He abused my mother and lied about her to his family. I belieed him for a while, but then my mom told me the thurth. I was in mental torment for years because I could not fathomn the thought of him being wrong. I became extremely angry, lashing out at people and starting fights at school when I got angry enough. I had to go through two years of therapy and anger management. I was so angry. Angry at my father for lying to me. Angry at my mother for not telling me that he was hurting her. Angry at myself because I believed him and trusted him. He lied to me! HE LIED! He still lies! He treated me the same way he did mom. Mental and emotional abuse that I won't go into. I told him that I didn't want to see him for visitation anymore, and now he's telling his family that it is becasu of my emotional problems. that I'm depressed and angry. That I need therapy again. I won't go back to therapy! I won't! I went through hell my fourth grade year! I went through extreme depression! I had thoughts (and failed attempts) of suicide! But I didn't let it show at school unless I got angry. I was happy and sweet to everyone. ask any of my classmates. I had a few boyfriends that year, craving the love that I wasn't getting at home from my jerk of a dad and my poor stressed out and hurt mother. I didn't want anyone else to know, or they might have pushed me away and avoided me. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be liked and cared for, not abused and yelled at. I hated going home. My dad broke my valuable possesions before my eyes, then would beat me for "making a mess". That was the year I moved to Millersburg from Coshocton. I had to completely start over. New school, new church, new home, new town, new county. I knew no one and nothing. I hated it here. I felt like I was drowning in lukewarm water all the time. Seriously. I couldn't get any air. My life crashed when my parents started fighting! My sisters were no help1 They just got me in trouble with dad! He beat me for no reason! I hated it. sometimes, I hate my dad. I wish I had another father. But no. My dad is even getting married again. He'll do the same thing. He's Mr. Wonderful around everyone else, but at home he's a jerk. He always will be. I can't stand him. The only positive thing baout him is that I don't have to see him anymore. I'm serious. I swear if he shows up at my graduation, graduation party, or wedding, I might hurt him, or at least yell at him. I won't talk to him. I'll ignore him. I don't care how mad he gets. If he died this instant I wouldn't care and hope he left me the good computer. That's cruel, I know, but it's how I feel.

So, still think you have more on me for Kyo-chan? I haven't even told you the SURFACE of my tormented past. I haven't told you about my internal struggls that I still have. Don't think that I'm just happy all the time. I'm not.
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   Kyon-Kyon...
More and more often I find myself calling Kyo-chan "Kyon-Kyon" or "Kyonkichi". I'm turning into Ayame, I swear it. (Hush Mira-chan. You know that I was just a little bit too good at that Ayame impression at my house when we did the Furuba American Idol. -_-') Anyways... I feel bad for calling him Kyon-Kyon (or Kyo-Kyo in the American anime, but Kyon-Kyon is funnier) because I know he hates it. T_T EVEN THOUGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!! (Great! Now I'm turning into Kagura! NOOOOOO!o_O) I think I would have a problem living in the Sohma house. I'm a very touchy-feely-huggy kind of person who gets attached to people easily, especially if I feel the need to help them (if emotionally unstable like Kyo-chan and Sohma-kun). *sigh* Oh well! That's not a bad thing with the friends I have! ^_^ Except for Bethany. She doesn't like hugs very much...-_-' Hey, I bet I can make a kitty face!.... Or not. I tried. Oh well. Ha. This is a long post! Oh no! I am sorry! I am wasting your life with this- Oh no! Now I am turning into Ritsu! *sob* That's it! I am going to be silent for a long time! ................................ Now I am turning into Kisa! Will it never end? Will I ever be able to not act like a Furuba character? We shall see...





Who's Your Sohma Guy?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

SCORE!!!! I LOVE KYO-CHAN!!! ^_^
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Monday, April 4, 2005

Furuba graphics
Hey does anyone know where I can get good furuba graphics (blinkies, blogs like the angel one I have, welcome signs, that kind of stuff)? I'd really like to know if any of you have an idea. Thank you!


Oh... Kyo-chan looks so hot in that outfit...
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   Shigure's song
High school girls! High school girls! One two three! High school girls! High school girls! High school girls! All for me! High school girls!

(Sorry, Lin-chan! I had to put it! Do not kill me! *hides under blanket so Lin-chan cannot see her*)


RESPECT THE WRITERS! WRITERS OF THE WORLD UNITE! MWA HA HA HA HA! >:D
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Friday, April 1, 2005

   FFX & Budokai2
Mira-chan couldn't beat Seymore the thirf time on FFX, and I couldn't beat Ansem on KH, but when she came over, I beat him. We tested to see if it worked both ways. Sure enough, Mira-chan beat Seymore after trying since January. ^_^ We watched a lot of Furuba and made a lot of banners for fan clubs. ^_^ I had so much fun! The bloopers on the DVD were hilarious! I remember Shigure singing "that reminds me that Tohru left beef pot stew!" UInless you've heard it, it isn't really funny. And the fan girls on the one episode: "Lovely Chocolate. Lovely Price Yuki. Chocolates for Prince Yuki."

I played Budokai2 a lot against Mira-chan, Haley, Timmy and Ethan. I always played as Trunks. I beat Mira-chan and Haley once and Ethan twice. Ethan kept saying that everything I did was cheap. Ha. I still beat him. Especially with the Fusion thing. I whopped him. And once by a fluke because I knocked him out of the ring. ^_^ Mira-chan says that I probably should never have played that game. My hand still hurts from playing so long...
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Thursday, March 31, 2005

   Mira-chan
(singsong tone) I am going to Mira-chan's, Mira-chan's, Mira-chan's. I am going to Mira-chan's and we will watch Furuba!
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   Dance Dance Revolution!
I played Dance Dance Revolution Extreme today at Acres of Fun in Wooster. It was so much fun! and the best part is, I was good at it! Yay! Mana-chan had told me about it, but I had never played before. I could play for hours! I ran out of tokens after and hour though. Bummer. I decided that The Individual Mafia is going to hold an annual DDR dance-off after school ends every year in May. the Mafia is my group of friends at scool. We have shirts and everything! Well, that's cool. Ciao!
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