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Saturday, November 12, 2005


I thought the customer was always right

Play wonderland online! I'm writing this kinda after the fact, so I'm not so pissed anymore. My insulin pump...well, the company's not all that great, at least not on this one, I've had to replace it at least 4 times in the past year and a half. Today looks like the 5th time. I asked to be upgraded to a different pump or to leave their company because of all the problems, but they still won't upgrade me even though my diabetic doctors told me that after this many problems, I have that right. This isn't like a CD player that keeps breaking down, this is the machine that for me is a pancreas, which gives me my insulin. It stops working without warning and I could end up in a coma--or worse. I'm usually pretty responsible and have syringes with me in case the pump won't work, but still--I thought the customer was always right *pouts*

Thanks for looking out for me everyone -//- *hugs* I think a big problem is Senior stress, either way I'm going to go start seeing a therapist on Friday the 18th. Also, I'm going to confession today (that should really help me feel better), I'm gonna try and get ahold of Yasha as well. Haven't seen her in over a month *pouts*. zzz...

Oh yeah! I'm forcing myself to eat actual meals now. It was really hard at first, but now it's not as bad...I just have to focus on other things, eat the amount of carbs I need, not the amount I want (which would usually be close to none). ^^;

And school...I understand my mind's not what it used to be, but I'm trying my best and that's all I can do, right? I'm working harder than ever before for seemingly less results, but my friends and teachers understand and even though sometimes I pity myself, I want to be above that and not have other people pity me either.

Well, I've got to go try and fix my pump at least temporarily, get ready for the day, and leave for confession in a few minutes.

Thanks again, and ttyl
~Cia

And God said "Let there be light" and there was light.


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Wednesday, November 9, 2005


   Christ, and more las soon as my brain has sugar and oxygen again

Play wonderland online! Empathy
Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This
means that you have a talent for identifying
others emotions, often by simply glancing at
them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People
sometimes dont notice youre around and seem
surprised to find out you even exist in a big
class. Youre the often silent, goody two shoes,
and few get passed the walls youve built up to
stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have
been in the past. Not everyone understands you,
in fact some think that youre a snob or worse
because you rarely participate in group
activities. Youre extremely sensitive, even the
least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your
very few, closest friends who have earned your
hard-to-get trust know who you really are
inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is
lonely and so desperately needing friends to
support you. You can get very depressed and not
always know why, despite your power of empathy,
as it seems to only work for people outside
you. Your friends always turn to you when they
need advice or comforting, and in some way you
need to give that helpit makes you feel better
in return to know that youve helped out your
friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior
and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside
you are really a great, intelligent person,
full of compassion and love, if only people
would dare take a chance and try to get through
your tough shell. Never let others get you
down, or change you. You are very special the
way you areeven if you dont have fifty thousand
friends, you are just as, if not more
extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the
stars, because I dont doubt youll catch hold of
them.
Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet:
A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind
of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt
you, and will love you for ever. The kind of
person who believes in true love, and soul
mates.
Your stone: Blue Topaz
Your power: Healing. Emotionally,
physically, or spiritually, you heal people
with your words, your actions and presence.
Youre the one that the little children are
always drawn to, because they know youll never
let anything hurt them.
Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to
see objects or events that cannot be perceived
by the normal five senses.)
A quote that applies to you: "True
beauty shines from the soul and warms the world
with its kindness, compassion , and
integrity
."


What's your inner power? (Girls only sorry. Beautiful anime pictures, lengthy results)
brought to you by Quizilla


This quiz is really true. I started getting teary eyed over some of the answears for the question and then I got to the answear, and yeah, I'm really crying. I was always scared to be myself because when I was little I'd be myself and I started getting verbally harrassed pretty early on. I built up so many walls...

Now I'm trying to take my walls back down. I' ve been taught that who I was doesn't matter anymore, who I will be is in the future, I am constantly changing and who I am is who I am right now.

Unfortunately, I still get depressed and don't know why. I feel so awful, I freaked at Tora yesterday. I just started sobbing and couldn't stop. so many things have been going wrong. But most importantly I've been showing signs of anorexia and suicidal thoughts I either don't eat or over-dose on my insulin when I do. I constantly dream of cutting myself and do so in ways that people either won't really notice or won't question. I've done experaments on myself to see how much pain different parts of my body can withstand before it goes numb.

I am trying, trying to care, trying to get back on top of my school work, my religious life and calling. I have learned to rely on friends. and I thank God so much for them, because if it were'nt for some of the people He blessed me with, I would have died so many times...

I couldn't find the scripture I was looking for but it goes something like this "for I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to help you and not to harm you, to guide you in all of your ways."

Um...I can't remember what I was all going to say, my blood sugar is low. Anyway, a friend is having a really hard time. I'm trying to help her...the Holy Spirit is guiding me. I really feel the spirit's presence during this time of Confirmation, but like I said, I need Confession, I am still cut off from God. I need to go take care of my blood sugar so that the brain damage doesn't get any worse, but I will try to talk later.

*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~
1 Corinthians 13

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profiteth me nothing. 4 Love suffereth long, and is kind; Love envieth not; Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 13 And now abideth faith, hope, Love, these three; but the greatest of these is Love.

God is Love

I promise to talk more as soon as I can.


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Tuesday, November 8, 2005


   GAHH

Play wonderland online! Too busy to write a real post, so much homework in all new classes and so much stuff going on and ahh!!! As soon as I'm caught up I'll be visiting people and updating things I promise!!!

So, quick note:
Today was the start of the new term. I walked into Physics and was going to sit my my friend, I'll call her Spaniel-Chan, but then my boyfriend was like "Cia, Cia!" and I was like "Oh, so you want me to sit with you...I guess I can ^//^" and he was like "oh...if you have too..." we have a weird relationship...^_^;;;
AND TODAY OFFICIALLY MEANS THAT WE'VE BEEN DATING A WHOLE MONTH!!!

He really helped me out in physics today...I couldn't think, I'm used to having first period as my free period, now I have no free period...T_T

And...let's see...my migranes have been getting worse...and I had an emotional breakdown and starting sobbing and couldn't stop...missed almost all my class cause of that...freaked Tora out...-__-;

-_- I'm starting to see a therapist next Friday, I hope she can help. today I bought my tickets for Harry Potter...

my brain is confused and so is this post...

um...I just got 6 1/2 inches cut off my hair...it's the shortest it's been in like 5 1/2 years!!! It looks kinda like Kagura's except no bangs and brown in stead of black.

Um, not really time to explain anything else, not even my new theme yet...

Question: How do you like my new theme?

TTYL when life isn't so busy...-///-;;;;;;

~Cia


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Monday, November 7, 2005


   WHY CAN'T LIFE STILL BE LIKE IT WAS ON LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE????

Play wonderland online! Well, why?!

I was reminded by my brothers that if I lived then I would have died pretty quickly because of inadequate treatment for diabetes, but at least I would have lived a simple, happy life for the little while I was around, gosh darnit!


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Sunday, November 6, 2005


   Reponse to Tora-Chan (superham99)'s post

Play wonderland online! Basically, what I wanted to say is: hon, I already knew that you were hiding your real self, that you were afraid, that you wanted to brush things aside. But no matter what Yasha and I love you. We vowed that we would love each other no matter who we become. Don't worry about turning into someone evil or anything like that. The thing is, we're always changing, sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better, but we can't focus on who we were or who we might be, but instead who we are. I'll be there for you forever, you're like the little sister I never had.
I'm gald too because...it was dumb of me to try and go all numb this year after I've learned how to love.l..I can't go back to the way I was. I'll try and keep you and Yasha and Kamenki and Corrine close to me always...-//- sorry, now I sound possesive and freaky O_o

That's the jist of it...

And I vow to try and visit people soon...tis...just...x_x


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Saturday, November 5, 2005


   so...dead...x_x

Play wonderland online! Well.my.cpu.is.broken.and.i'm.exhausted.but.tried.to.visit.peoples.anyway.and.got.sick

*imagine.the.blue.face.and.the.soul.escaping*


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   Yeah,_this.is.me.not.necessarily.exactly,but.i.really.am.yuki

Play wonderland online! cool
You're the cool anime character. School's no big
deal to you; you don't realy pay much attention
to it. Everyone likes you, so school doesn't
really seem so much of a drag. You have you're
own way of doing things. You're very charming
and have a way with the opposite sex. When it
comes to fighting, you don't waste your time.
Although, you are a swift and cunning fighter,
so if put in a fight you always win.


What kind of anime character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


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   Finals and College Apps

Play wonderland online! :::After Last Final in Room 208:::

Cia: Well, that's that then *sighs*
Kyo: Yep
Yomi: mm-hmm
Yukinomo: You had all of us to help you and you were still crying about it!
Cia: ;//; Like you'd be of any help!
Yukinomo: *smirks*
Yomi: -//- I'm sorry Cia, I should have looked at the literature...
Cia: Oh, Yomi, that's ok, really...
Kyo: I know Othello! Well, kind of...
Cia: -///////////////-
Yomi: But you were crying...
Yukinomo: Of course she was crying, we already mentioned that dammit!
Cia: -_-+ Watch your mouth Yuki-San.
Yukinomo: -//////////-+ I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!
Yomi: Sister?
Cia: hm...I shouldn't do this...*pokes Yukinomo* Yuki-San, Yuki-San, Yuki-San (in a sing-song voice)
Yukinomo: DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH BITCH?!
Yomi: O_O Sister, you shouldn't speak that way...
Yukinomo: I'll speak however the hell I want dammit.
Cia: *if looks could kill*
Yukinomo: Damn, maybe I went a little too far...
Cia: Hasaki!
Yukinomo: *goes rigid and falls onto the floor* damn...
Cia: Hasaki!
Yukinomo: I get it, I get it, itai...
Kyo: O_o I didn't know you could do that Cia!
Yomi: Oh yes, Cia has a word for both me and Sister when we're, let's say, out of control. She does have complete power over us you know.
Cia: -_-; Well, I wouldn't exactly say complete power...but pretty close yeah.
Kyo: Hey, what's Yomi's word?
Cia: *automatically* Doriimu.
Yomi: *goes rigid and starts to fall over*
Cia: *catches him* Oh, Yomi, I'm sorry, it was a reflex...
Yomi: ^_^; It's okay...
Kyo: ^o^ WOW...
Cia: -_-; Don't even start Kyo, it only works when I say it.
Kyo: da--
Cia: -_-+
Kyo: da...rn

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well, it looks like I might get into college after all peoples! ^.^ I'm feverishly working on my apps right now...

AND CONGRATS TO KAMENKI!!!! WHOOT!!!

ttyl

:::...~Cia~...:::


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Thursday, November 3, 2005


   Sumemasen

Play wonderland online! Not visiting people or doing anything otaku related for awhile, sorry bout that...but the week/end is totally nuts on my end!

ttyl


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Wednesday, November 2, 2005


   sorry -//-

Play wonderland online! Sorry, I don't have time to visit sites today. I'm even sicker than yesterday but I'm at school, attempting to read Ibsen's Ghosts

kyu... I have an in-class essay to make up, another one on Ghosts today...Improv today, I have finals tomorrow and Friday, a date Thurs, and 4N6 practice Friday...college apps and essays this weekend.

And on top of that I have a fever!
-///-

Sorry for the rant, I won't be on here for awhile as you can see. And I've decided to get rid of comments--if you want to make a comment, PM me. I'm always looking to talk to people.

Question (I'll explain why I asked this later) What is the weirdest dream you've ever had?

Oh, I couldn't do my works cited for Religion because of problems. I'm failing my term project and paper. I can't believe this.


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