myOtaku.com: Cia-Chan

myO Still <3's You

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AIM
• HowlsLuvrGrl327
E-mail
• Click Here
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• Cia-Chan
Website
• Click Here
Yahoo! Messenger
• PM me for it.

Vitals

Birthday
• 1988-03-27
Gender
• Female
Location
• Someplace Cold
Member Since
• 2005-02-01
Occupation
• Wedding Singer
Real Name
• Cia is my real name.

Personal

Achievements
• Staying Alive
Anime Fan Since
• Sailer Moon, Card Captor Sakura and Digimon
Favorite Anime
• -_- Isn't just a bit obvious?
Goals
• "I want to change the world." Become a CLT, marraige, babies
Hobbies
• music, reading, computer, video games, dating, writing, studying biochemistry
Talents
• Hmm... writing and singing

myOtaku.com: Cia-Chan

Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.

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Sunday, July 3, 2005

stuff I talked about last time...

Play wonderland online! Thank you all for caring. I wanted to cut myself, but didn't--that's the point right? Whenever I have that desire...which has been alot lately...I get on the phone or on here to talk to someone. Thank you for all being so supportive of me. Cutting myself would be so selfish...I'm not going to pretend I'm peachy fine or any crap like that, but I'm going to try my best not to cut myself no matter how much I want to.

Thank you all for helping me through this.

Comments (6) | Permalink

Saturday, July 2, 2005

Stuff

Play wonderland online! I'm not completely healed.

yesterday at theatre I had to put away razors and scissors and I wanted to cut myself...I was so intriqued by it...but I didn't and that's the point right?

Then at the fireworks, there was this red explosion of left over material and I imagined slicing my arm open and mixing the blood with the fireworks...and then realised I should talk to someone, or at least write.

I suppose I still have a ways to go, but I'm trying each day to start anew.

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Friday, July 1, 2005

Wonderful Pic that Gure found...tehehe

Play wonderland online!

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4th of July

Play wonderland online! I had a dream that I was inside this new video game. I was a vampire who had the ability to change into a solder, dragon (though that imitation wasn’t very good), Tohru, Kyou, InuYasha…from putting on costumes…it was weird. It seemed at first that I was in love with Shigure, but then my true vampire form was reveled and it was found out that I didn’t love Shigure or any humans at all but that he desperately loved and needed me. He kept kissing me and I would kiss back as well as bite him in the neck for blood. He didn’t love me as much in my other forms, but I somewhat loved him. figures.

It was unlike anything I’ve ever dreamed before but it was kinda cool. Change of pace to be in love with Shigure, let alone a Vampire who needed his warm blood.

~ >,< Yeah, I need more sleep, but I’m up to help my family with their computer problems. I should seriously get a job in computers, so I’m guaranteed a job and don’t starve, penniless, to death. ~\

I’ll be gone from 12:30 til 5:00 today for Theatre, then talking to Kamiya from 5:10 til about 5:20 (over the phone—can’t wait to hear her voice =^.^=)

I think my parents still plan on going to the fireworks tonight…and we’re at the cottage Saturday and Sunday…but I hope to talk to ya'll again soon...happy start of July!

And if I don’t talk to you before the fourth then happy fourth!

Kyou still doesn’t know who Fai is…nice job blabbing Gure...-_-;; =^-^= *I do the faces wrong T.T*

/~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /~ /` /~

(above=flags for the fourth of july….)

I feel more myself today…not my old self, a new self. But I kind of like her…who knows what life and the future will bring?

*Only Yesterday…Karen Carpenter*
Only Yesterday when I was sad and I was lonely
You showed me the way to the leave the past and all its fears behind me
Tomorrow may be even brighter than today… ‘cause I threw my sadness away
only yesterday…

Comments (6) | Permalink

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Not Really a Fanfic, Part 2

Play wonderland online! I decided that it’s worth it—trying to be myself and find myself. I know that I have flaws, that I have things to work on, so I may not necessarily like everything about myself but I won’t hate myself anymore. Isn’t that everybody?

Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost my purpose in life but I’ve decided that it’s always there deep down inside, even when I don’t recognize it. I will keep living on and when I fill with hatred for myself, I will remind myself of this.

I have been given new inspiration to live. There are so many times I could have died that I survived and that fuels the knowledge that God is keeping me here on earth for reason. I’ve decided not to cut myself. Whenever I want to, ever again, I will talk to someone. It doesn’t matter what we talk about, just as long as we talk. My visit with Gure went very well today. He helped me see that I take things way too seriously and that there are people out there who are in more difficult situations than I am. He did this very gently of course, such is his nature. But without knowing this, he reminded me of my purpose in life. I vow to stop hating myself because I have my purpose back and have a reason to live again.

That is why I threw the razor away and gave him the gun. I don’t want to kill myself…anymore. At least, I don’t want the opportunity.

I want to keep on living…a little longer. Even if that’s selfish—then at least I guess I’ll have to deal with being selfish. At least, that’s what Gure says. He also said that without some selfishness I would be too annoying to be his friend. He may not say anything close to what I think I need sometimes, but the under lying meaning is the same.

I will keep on living for now…not for Kana or for anyone else…but for myself. I will live a little bit longer and try my best to stay positive.

That’s a promise.

~Hatori

Comments (4) | Permalink

sleepy...so sleepy

Play wonderland online! I woke up early today because of a low blood sugar...less than 7 hours of sleep...after crying myself to sleep...hence the sleepyness

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Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! I'm under 1800

Play wonderland online! My Statistics
Total Visits 445
Popularity Ranking # 1799 (out of 29,992 active sites)
Total Members 164,938

78 Guestbook Entries

***********************************

On a more important note, I am meeting Yasha for lunch today at 1:00

***********************************

I just finished up a bunch of applications and I'll be working for Theatre tomorrrow from 1-4:30

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Not Really a Fanfic—I am Hatori

Play wonderland online! “Ring, Ring”

Hatori: H…Hello?
Ayame: Hari-San! ^^
Hatori: Ay…Ayame, is that you?
Ayame: But of course Hari-San!
Hatori: Ayame, I’m sorry, but I really can’t talk right no…*throws up*
Ayame: Hatori? Hatori? What’s wrong? Are you…crying?

Hatori: *finishes puking* I…need to be serious right now and I just can’t be that with you Ayame. The only one of you two that I can be somewhat serious with is Shigure.
Ayame: If you need to talk to Shigure, Hatori, then do so.
Hatori: B…but Ayame…

Shigure looks up, clueless. Ayame tosses him the phone and he picks it up.

Shigure: Hatori?
Hatori: Shi…gure *throws up again*
Shigure: Hatori, what’s wrong??? And you’re crying too, aren’t you?
Hatori: I’m sorry, I just…for some reason I just can’t stop *pukes once again*
Shigure: …*realizes what day it is* This isn’t about Kana is it, Ha-San?
Hatori: No…no it’s…
Shigure: Then this is…what you told me about?
Hatori: I just don't understand how anyone could love me I...
Shigure: Hatori, stop!
Hatori: No, listen! I don't know how anyone can love me when I'm so pathetic. There...there's just something i me that just won't let me show my true self to anyone. I try but I just...not even with you two. The real me is more serious and loves books and...but I always stayed in my room reading. I was all alone; I had friends but hardly ever saw them.
Shigure: Hatori...
Hatori: I try so hard to be myself but I'm always a different person depending on who I'm with. I just subconsciously fear that if I;m not like my certain group of friends they won't accept me. I'm being torn...I don't know who the real me is anymore and yet I still hate myself..I just!
Shigure: Hatori, the things you told me earlier...Hatori, have you, did you do anything to yourself??? Hatori! Hatori!
Hatori: No.
Shigure: Hatori tell me the truth!!! Did you try to hurt yourself again?!
Hatori: ...Yes! I saw the razor in the shower and brought it up to my arm. I was so afraid, but yet I brought it closer and closer...and then, I cut my arm. It hurt; I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I was so frightened--so afraid of what I what else I could do to myself. But the pain helped ease the pain of hating myself and all my selves. It helped curve the nausea that came with even thinking about myself and how pathetic and useless I am. So I brought the razor up to my arm and cut it again and again...
Shigure: Hatori! Aua and I are coming right now.
Hatori: The others in the house, Akito specifically, won't let you stay for long and your showing up here will disturb them.
Shigure: I don't care!!! We need to get to you right now!
Hatori: ...
Shigure: Hatori?! Did you hear me, Hatori?!
Hatori: ...Shigure, please try to make it here on time.
Shigure: *thought, not spoken* On time?
Hatori: I still have some love for life...as well as for you and Ayame *hangs up*

Shigure: Aya, we need to get to Hatori as soon as possible. There's no telling what he might do.
Aya: Right.

Meanwhile, at the main house, Hatori bends down to pick up the gun he has on the floor.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Many, many, many thanks to KamiyaUsagi

Play wonderland online!

Oh my love!!!!!!

Comments (1) | Permalink

Here's why I'm playing Tohru in my musical...

Play wonderland online! nn
nWhat Fruits Basket Character Are You?n
nHosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.n

But what's all that stuff about always being optimistic?????

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