Monday, March 13, 2006

Home Sick

Play wonderland online! I have been having a lot of trouble with neck and back pain as well as migranes. I tried going to school today, but my migrane got too bad so I came home. I am starting to feel a little bit better so I am doing some scholarships before going to the doctor. I will have to set up an appointment with a chiropractor as well as my neurologist. It sucks, I'm not gonna lie. My body is going bonkers right now, and it feels awful. I'm not going to get down about it though, I'm not going to complain. Instead I will pray the following prayer...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear God,
I find myself in pain once again today. Please take away all of the irritability that comes with this pain. Remind me of how my Savior suffered for me, and help me to unite my suffering with His. I do not ask that You take my pain away, but that you channel it. Please take my pain and turn it in to something good. I offer up this pain as penace, and pray for all souls to reach Heaven and You.
Amen

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Saturday, March 11, 2006

   =_= *blink, blink*

Play wonderland online! Wow I am tired. I had the most awesome night last night though. I got to see both Yasha and Tora! ^___^ We went to Tora's house and had alcohol-free wine and french silk pie and relaxed in the hot tub... then Yasha and I took a shower together *_* hehe...and I went home, took my meds, and got some sleep.

Today I have my placement exams to see what classes I get placed into for college. I'm worried about the math and french sections, but the english section I'm looking forward to. you see, I don't have to take the english section as I already took college freshman english a year early, but I want to take it cause it will be fun. *I'm so weird* Well, I already aced a college english entrance exam and scored above 99% of people taking the ACT for the english part (I got a 35--the highest score possible is 36). Yeah, so english exams are actually fun for me.

Well, I have to eat breakfast, gather pencils and calculators and leave. Thank you for all of your encouragement yesterday *hugs everyone*

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Friday, March 10, 2006

   Rejection Letter #1

Play wonderland online! "Fallen"

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I've held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...
[2X]

Well, I mentioned awhile back how even though I was accepted to my colleges, I needed to audition for the music program separately. Well, today I received my first letter of how I did and…I was rejected. My first rejection letter…and it hurts…a lot…even though this was my number 2 school, not my number one. It’s just…well…it would be hard to explain, so I’ll just say part of what I’m thinking. Number 1—Everyone at the school was fawning over me and my voice, so it’s kind of a shock I didn’t get in. Number 2—I did a lot worse on my audition at my number 1 school…so even though they were fawning over me, I very much doubt I got in.

This is going to be really hard to explain, but I’ll try. PS—sorry about two long posts in one day >_<’’ Anyway, I am a Catholic mystic. This means that I try to be very strong in my faith and God helps me by sending me visions, stigmata, and other miracles. Through this divine connection with God, I am constantly asking him about my vocation. I have come so far in my life…and lately, I have developed so much musically. That was my focus. Why you ask? And how does this relate??? Well, you see, I felt I was called to become a religious singer and evangelize through music…but now…I didn’t get into the music program…I don’t know about my other school yet…but I don’t feel hopeful. Well, yeah, sorry this was a sad post. And I was finally in a happier mood today after my two day funk. *sigh*

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   zzz...yawn

Play wonderland online! Wow, the past couple days have been really hard. I have some stuff to say about that--but later. First I want to say the good news. Last night, I went to the most amazing basketball game of my life!!! The first two quarters, my team was down by 18 points....it seemed impossible...but then the third quater we made a triumphant comeback! In the forth quarter, with only seconds left, we made a three-pointer that tied the game and brought it into over time. Unfortunately, we lost in over-time, but the game was still so pumped and adreniline-rushing that it was still nothing less than amazing!!! The final score was 60-56.

Next, I have the weekly reflection paper I wrote for psychology, as it kind of explains most of the reason I was down this week. I had some issues with my brother Hiroko-Kun too, but those shall remain private.

Paper
This week was very hands-on orientated. The main focus of the week was the projects—which, for the most part, turned out very well. Most of what the class noticed had little to do with psychology though, as we were intrigued by Callie and Ali’s Pepsi commercial as well as Luke and Andy’s many sexual innuendos. I give two thumbs up to Dob’s group though! Her group kept teenagers’ short attention spans at bay, presenting in a way that was both fun and informational. Unfortunately, because of Improv, my group had to go a day late.
Speaking of Improv…this week allowed me to experience some psychology theories first-hand. Specifically, I learned about extinction and post-traumatic stress disorder. I learned about anxiety as well, but that was in a book about natural medicine, not my psychology book =3
Allow me to start from the beginning. Last summer, I was involved in a very bad accident. I was driving towards the Appleton Public Library when a presumably drunk individual went through a red light the wrong way down a one way, accelerating through the intersection at approximately forty-five miles per hour. He or she slammed into my vehicle, completely tore off the front of it, and kept going. I blacked out temporarily, not even remembering hitting my head until days later. I went to the hospital to find out that I had suffered a concussion, bruised my chest, broken various blood vessels, and sprained muscles in my neck. The neck was what scared the doctors the most. The muscles I had sprained surrounded my seventh disk, the area that causes one to become paralyzed.
Now, months later, I thought I was sufficiently recovered to take part in the P.A.R.T.Y program. I had read some where in my psychology book that when one is involved in a severe accident, flashbacks of that accident come back months later, but I thought I would be fine. Well, the P.A.R.T.Y program involved the acting out of an actual accident on stage. I was back-stage when the 911 call was acted through and paramedics came on the scene. I realized I started crying, but I figured it was just me being my overly-emotional self. Then came Marissa, our trauma victim. She was acting as if she had suffered a head injury and had to act insane. Her job was to fight the paramedics and scream. Well, she made this very convincing, all the nurses said so. What name did she choose to scream the most, you ask? Mine. Pretty soon I was sobbing.
Awhile after I started sobbing, I don’t know when exactly, I felt Mrs. Hammen’s hand rubbing my back and heard her voice calling me back, “Alicia, it’s okay, you’re not at the accident, it’s over, you’re here—at the PAC.” I had gone into shock, flooded with flashbacks from my accident. Lucky for me, I was surrounded my nurses and counselors. I still spent most of the day crying though. I helped wash off Marissa’s fake blood and gore…I suppose that was more healing than harming though, when I think about it, it’s hard to explain.
Well, that all happened on Wednesday and then in Thursday’s reading, much to my surprise, what was talked about? Post-traumatic stress disorder: a disorder in which victims of a traumatic event re-go through the event in flashbacks or dreams. Scary coincidence, huh?
End of Paper

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Thursday, March 9, 2006

Play wonderland online! Artist: Elton John Lyrics
Song: Blessed Lyrics

MP3 Downloads

Click here to send Elton John polyphonic ringtone to your cell phone.
Hey you, you're a child in my head
You haven't walked yet
Your first words have yet to be said
But I swear you'll be blessed

I know you're still just a dream
your eyes might be green
Or the bluest that I've ever seen
Anyway you'll be blessed

And you, you'll be blessed
You'll have the best
I promise you that
I'll pick a star from the sky
Pull your name from a hat
I promise you that, promise you that, promise you that
You'll be blessed

I need you before I'm too old
To have and to hold
To walk with you and watch you grow
And know that you're blessed

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Wednesday, March 8, 2006

^_^ *shrugs shoulders*

Play wonderland online! Sorry about my last post, I was a bit sad. Yesterday went very well, but today I am a bit sad again. I blame my dreams, as it is only 6:10 in the morning so nothing more could have happened to make me sad, other than the fact that Daimon is sick. *gives Daimon hugs and meds*

Yeah, I had a sad dream about the guy I like. He kind of turned me down gently and in an adult like manner, but it still hurts, cause it seems so real, and well...yeah...

I was able to visit everyone who updated so far today, but now I have to get ready!! I am performing at the local performing arts center for improv, and the skit is being broadcast on tv and everything! This skit is very hard on me and Tora because it is about safe driving and alcohol and pot and stuff and there's a big accident involved, with a broken car on stage and peramedics and oxygen tanks and feeding tubes and everything. (We were in a really bad accident over the summer--I am still suffering complications). But it's so especially hard cause Faust (nickname of the guy I like), is a victim in the scene--they have to pertend he's going through all this stuff and he was late to the dress rehersal last night and so I told our supervisor that if he didn't show up I would take his place. He showed up and I thanked him and thanked God and burst into tears! >_< How embarrassing, but I just wasn't ready to play the victim again, no matter how nice the nurses were. Gah, I'm crying about it again. My friends gave me hugs and tried to comfort me and my friends Marissa-Chan and Rich-Kun learned a lot about me last night >_> maybe too much >_>

well, today I have that performance and a piano lesson with Kamenki and filming of a psychology project.

Au revoir, mes amis

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Monday, March 6, 2006

   Oy...and Wow...but still...Oy

Play wonderland online! *okay, so this post is gonna contain a bit of tmi...read at your own risk*

First of all, thanks for your support!!! Thanks to all of you I now have 145 guestbook signings and a popularity of #698 ^____^ and I feel so ashamed cause I don't even get to peoples sites very often. I'm just too busy and sickly,,,,I'm so sorry TT_TT

Second of all, I am so sick!!! My weekend was so hectic and now I feel like I'm going to die. TT_TT I have pos...polysistic ovarian syndrome, which makes periods a living nightmare, so I have that all going on right now plus my diabetes is completely out of control so I'm dizzy and nauses and in pain. TToTT

I have managed to do well with psych though. The last test I got a 100% and on the paper that most people failed I got a B! I am so happy >_< I'm on top of my game for french too. I've been the top student in that class the last half of the year last year and all year this year. I am so happy.

As for solo and ensemble...I don't want to talk about it. I've been ranting and crying and my choir teacher gave me hugs and Kamenki consoled me and I just have to let everything go now. As for actual scores, I got two 1 and a *1, which means I will be going to the state competition with the other senior women to sing "ein hennlein weiss". I'm very proud of us, we did such an awesome job with that song and it's so fun.

Speaking of Kamenki...I can't get over how much I love her. *not like that--get your minds out of the gutter* I'm really never going to meet another person like her in my entire life. She knows me better than I know myself o_O;; she always knows exactly what I need and how to comfort me, even when I believe I am beyond comfort. Next year, we will be living about 5 and a half hours away from each other, but we will still be closer than ever. I just have a good feeling about it. We're both so abusive and posessive, lol, but we have a bond that can't be broken. I've decided that now. I can't express myself very well right now because of being so sick...but...but... I used to think I was meant to be all alone, that no one could touch me. I thought that I should live alone, constantly punishing myself, I thought I deserved as much pain as possible. And now? Well, I'm suffering the consequences. I have brain damage I'm working to overcome and pysichal scars that will never go away. Plus, I'm working on the invisible scars. I've been talking about my love for Kamenki a lot lately and she's uber embarrased, but honest to God Kat, you are one of the reasons I haven't died! Both you and Yasha have kept me from going all the way. The people here on otaku have helped so much as well...Oh God...I'm crying...but I dont' know what I'd do without you guys, especially Shishou and Pyroprincess and D+D and Damion. From the bottom of my heart, I thank God for all of you.

I'm really dizzy, so I think I'll lay down for awhile before doing my french homework and eating dinner. This week is a really frantic busy week for Improv, so I hope I get better *resolved* though I'll probably just burn myself out *cry*

Ja ne

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Saturday, March 4, 2006

   =_=

Play wonderland online! I feel like crud. Yesterday I set-up for solo and ensemble from 3-5 and for about 1/2 the time I was the only one working on my section even though there was supposed to be groups of 3-4 ;-; i got home exhausted and took part in a really wierd sleep pattern...woke officially at 5:40 and showered and dressed. I am now making thank you cards for my accompanists, then I will curl my hair, eat breakfast (food=I can take my pain meds, thank God for pain meds) and quick shop for a gift for Mandi-Chan, who accompanied me and was, overall, a great friend to me this school year *glomps Mandi-Chan* I then have to start my job as a runner, bringing scoresheets back and forth from the headquarters, from 7:45 until 10. After that I have two performances, a two hour break to go out for lunch, another performance, a performance or two of a friend's and then cleaning up. Bascially, I'll be leaving my house before 7 and won't get home till like 6:30 or 7 and I already feel dead ;-; *tmi warning* I have polysistic ovarian syndrome which makes period pain so bad, I've been hospitalized for it, and my period is about to start so I am in torture TT_TT *end of tmi*

I'm trying to calm down by listening to "your song" by Elton John.

Tomorrow I will probably have some R+R at my cottage.

ja ne

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Thursday, March 2, 2006

Play wonderland online!

Long Survey About Yourself
What time are you starting this?:	8:10 PM
Name?:	Alicia
Nicknames?:	Cia
Date of birth?:	3/27/88
Sex?:	female
Height?:	5'6"
Eye color?:	blue
Where were you born?:	WI
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?:	17
Pets?:	no
Hair color?:	brunette, dyed red/blonde
Piercings?:	1 in each ear
Town you live in?:	Center
Favorite foods?:	apples, potatos, chamile herbal tea
Ever been to Africa?:	no, but my best friend is from there
Been toilet papering?:	no
Love someone so much it made you cry?:	yes
Been in a car accident?:	yes
Croutons or bacon bits?:	neither
Favorite day of the week?:	wednesday...IMPROV ^_^
Favorite resturant?:	OCB
Favorite flower?:	gardenia
Favorite sport to watch?:	non-professional football
Favorite drink?:	water
Favorite ice cream flavor?:	don't eat ice cream anymore
Warner Bros. or Disney?:	disney =3
Favorite fast food restuarant?:	fazoli's
Carpet color in your bedroom?:	blue
How many times did you fail your driver's test?:	1
Whom did you get your last email from?:	the local library
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?:	what credit card? lol
What do you do most often when you are bored?:	go online =3
Most annoying thing to say to me?:	be quiet
Bedtime?:	whenever
Favorite TV show?:	dnangel
Last person you went out to dinner with?::	Kamenki!!
Been out of country?:	yep
Believe in magick?:	nope
Ford or Chevy?:	ford
What are you listening to right now?:	nada
Have you ever failed a grade?:	nope
If you have, what grade did you fail?:	n/a
Do you have a crush on someone?:	yep
Do you have a bf/gf?:	no
If so, what is their name?:	n/a
How long have you been together?:	n/a
What are you wearing right now?:	blue cords, zipper blue/brown/purple shirt
Would you have sex before marriage?:	nope
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:	yes
Are you a virgin?:	yes
Do you smoke?:	no
Do you drink?:	no
Are you ghetto?:	no
Are you a player?:	no
What are your favorite colors?:	really light grey
What is your favorite animal?:	leopard
Do you have any birthmarks?:	yes
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?:	no ^_^ cuz I rule this planet!!
Who do you talk to most on the phone?:	Yasha...or...Tora
Have you ever been slapped?:	yep
Do you get online a lot?:	HECK YES, HOW IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!
Are you shy or outgoing?:	depends which one of my personalities is out, lol
Do you shower?:	yep
Do you hate school?:	nope
Do you have a social life?:	heck yeah
How easily do you trust people?:	yep -_-;;
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?:	who doesn't? ^_~
Would you ever sky dive?:	yep
Do you like to dance?:	yes, just not in front of people
Have you ever been out of state?:	yes
Do you like to travel?:	yes
Have you ever been expelled from school?:	no
Have you ever been suspended from school?:	no
Do you want to get out of your hometown?:	YES!!
Are you spoiled?:	no
Are you a brat?:	no
Have you ever been dumped?:	no, I dumped him
Have you ever gotten high?:	no
Do you like snapple?:	yeah
Do you drink a lot of water?:	whoot! water!
What toothpaste do you use?:	crest total plus whitening
Do you have a cell phone?:	yep
Do you have a curfew?:	not really
Who do you look up to?:	Lind ^_^ I love you Lind...and the saints
Are you a role model?:	yep
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?:	yep
What name brand do you wear the most?:	what is this name brand of which you speak?
What kind of jewelry do you wear?:	hm...lots of different one...I like silver colored-stuff though
What do you want pierced?:	another piercing in my ears
Do you like takin pictures?:	yep
Do you like gettin your picture taken?:	i guess
Do you have a tan?:	no
Do you get annoyed easily?:	depends what mood I'm in
Have you ever started a rumor?:	no
Do you have your own phone or phone line?:	yes
Do you have your own pool?:	no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?:	um...I'm a girl!!! I like panties!!
Do you have any siblings?:	yep
Have you ever been played?:	no
Have you ever played anyone?:	no
Do you get along with your parents?:	yeah
How do you vent your anger?:	swear all over my blog
Have you ever ran away?:	yep
Have you ever been fired from a job?:	no
Do you even have a job?:	no ;-;
Do you daydream a lot?:	heck yes
Do you have a lot of ex's?:	nope, just 1
Do you run your mouth?:	not really
What do you want a tattoo of?:	don't want one
What do you have a tattoo of?:	don't have one
What does your ex bf/gf look like?:	dark hair, dark eyes, really skinny, average height, glasses
What does your most recent crush look like?:	tall, dark hair/eyes, kinda darker skin (compared to mine at least)
Whats her/his name?:	Tim
Have you ever been bitched out?:	huh?
Are you rude?:	not really
What was the last compliment you recieved?:	I love your voice!
Do you like getting dirty?:	no
Are you flexiable?:	yes
What is your heritage?:	just about everything
What is your lucky number?:	14
What does your hair look like right now?:	shoulder length, dark red with blonde highlights, naturally curly
Could you ever be a vegetarian?:	yes
Describe your looks?:	p.h.a.t--pretty hot and tempting *_*
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?:	um...just dyed it...see above discription
Would you ever date someone younger than you?:	yeah
Would you ever date someone older than you?:	yeah
When was the last time you were drunk?:	never
How many rings until you answer the phone?:	get to it asap
Have you ever been skinny dipping?:	no
If yes, when was the last time?:	n/a
When was the last time you went on a date?:	about a month ago
Do you look more like your mother or father?:	mother
Do you cry a lot?:	yeah
Do you ever cry to get your way?:	no
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:	"hey sexy" j/k lol
Are you the romantic type?:	yes ;-;
Have you ever been chased by cops?:	no
What do you like most about your body?:	take a guess ^_~
What do you like least about your body?:	my fingers/nails
When did you have your first crush?:	4th grade
When was the last time you threw up?:	a couple days ago
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?:	dark hair all the way!!
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?:	not very often, at least not on purpose, lol
What about cleavage?:	cleavage? what is cleavage? lol
Is your best friend a virgin?:	yep
Have you ever fucked someone up?:	@_@ gah! may God have mercy on your soul
Have you ever been fucked up?:	ditto as before
What theme does your room have?:	flowers/blue and maroon
What size show do you wear?:	9 1/2
What is your screen name on AIM?:	music27note
How are you feeling right now?:	my wrist hurts from typing
When was the last time you were at a party?:	uh....
Have you ever given a lapdance?:	ew
Have you ever recieved one?:	ew
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:	yes
What is one of your bad qualilties?:	no
What is one of your good qualilties?:	no
Would you marry for money?:	never
What do you drive?:	ford taurus
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?:	daddy's girl
So?:	so what?
Well?:	well...you're getting on my nerves
When was the last time you cried in school?:	few weeks ago
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?:	no
What kind of music do you like?:	just about anything...mostly rock musicals
Would you ever bungee jump?:	yes
What is your worst fear?:	suffocating to death
Would you ever join the army?:	no
Do you like cows?:	uh...sure...
If you were to die today, what would you do?:	"bye earth! see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!"
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it b?:	love
Do you like to party?:	no
Hearts or broken hearts?:	hearts
Moons or stars?:	stars
Coke or pepsi?:	neither
Favorite scent?:	jasmine
Favorite band?:	michael w. smith
Would you ever dye your hair red?:	uh...duh...already did
How many languages can you speak?:	2
What time are you finishing this?:	8:25 PM
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