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Sunday, January 29, 2006


   blah
Play wonderland online! Post time: about 1:15 in the morning
Feeling:
Mentally: exhausted
Physically: exhausted
Emotionally: exhausted

and sick

I couldn't sleep...I felt so broken and hurt. Hadn't felt like that in awhile...I recorded a new song...I'm not sure where it came from...it was so broken, so depressing, so hopeless. I listened to recordings of myself and my friends and finally decided to try watching DNAngel. I watched episodes 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24. Finally I may be able to sleep, thanks to 24. The ending of the episode reminds me of Christmas, it has the same love behind it. Freedert said in that episode "never choose death." I guess I really needed to hear that in order to calm down. Some people think death is so...un-important, non-real. I realize how real it is. I used to comfort myself with thoughts of suicide and self-hurt. I want to promise not to do that anymore. I made promises to my therapist before to avoid hospital lock-up, but this time I'm serious. This time, it's a promise just between me and God.


holy goodness! I'm getting so overly-emotional and philosophical. Blame it on the lack of sleep ^_^;;;


Augh, tomorrow is psych, confimation, and relative visiting too....


Sorry if I freaked you guys out with my philosophical-ness, but it's true. And everything I say about God and Truth is true and from the heart as well.


Well, I'm hurting myself staying up like this...my head and eyes are killing me...oh goodness, now I sound drunk -_-;;;


good night/morning everyone


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