Sunday, May 30, 2004

   Homework...
Just to prove my point as to why I havent been posting very often, I'm going to let you read my englidh speech which I wrote...in pretty much 2 days time. We got given topics to choose from. I chose 'A fascinating animal' Just to explain the oddity of it. Yes I know it's wierd. But killer teddies are fascinating, right?
Anyway, without further adiue(sp? Probably)Here is my speech. (I'm going to have a toy teddy bear as a prop)

Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls. My name is Professor White, host of the low budget nature show ?Fascinating Animals?. Today, I?m going to talk to you about a terrible, scary, and positively fascinating animal. I warn you, this animal is highly dangerous and so if you are in the least squeamish, I suggest you leave this room now.
I?m going to bring the little guy out now, so please don?t be alarmed. During daylight they are usually quite placid, although, at the first sign of danger, I can put him straight back into his little box here.
Okay, I?ll bring him out now.
DRUM ROLL PLEASE!
Today?s fascinating animal is?The Teddy Bear!

Now children, lets have a show of hands if any of you have ever seen one of these terrifying beasts before.
*Teddy, I think there must be an epidemic*

Moving right along, as cute as the teddy bear may be, he truly is a wild creature. Look at his eyes for instance. Teddy bears have very refined eyesight, and are only able to see in 100% total darkness. They also have a keen sense of smell, adapted to scent out the whereabouts of little children. Their ears are also very good, and although they may look like bits of fluff to you, their complex design allows the teddy bear to hear even the slightest movement up to 20 metres away.

Using only these two senses of smell and sound, teddies can pinpoint the position of their prey from an amazing 100 metres.
And just look at these paws!!! They are very powerful, very strong. You can feel those bulging muscles under the fur. And although we cannot see this feature at the moment, nor would I like to be in a situation where we could, the teddies paws are equipped with deadly razor sharp, retractable claws. A common teddy bear can maul its prey to pieces in under a minute using these hidden beauties. Yes, teddy bears are truly built for the kill.

Talking about the kill, the teddies main prey is?little boys and girls. You children?Yes you?are protected only by the fact that you are totally and utterly afraid of the dark, and, admit it, will refuse to go to sleep without a light on, or the door open just a crack. This is the teddies downfall, as the teddy bear cannot, as I mentioned before, cannot see unless it is totally dark. Teddies find it very hard to kill and eat their tea when there is even the tiniest bit of light, as it renders them blind, and placid.

So, although you are afraid of the monster in your cupboard, or the spiders under your bed, the one you should truly be scared of, is the one you turn to for comfort! Be warned, teddy bears are not your friends. No matter how sweet, cuddly and innocent they may look, all they really want to do is eat you. And who can blame them? Yes, you silly little children taking advantage of the poor bears, hugging them, pulling their fur, chewing off their noses in your sleep, and not even feeding them! Think of the bears!!! THINK OF THE BEARS!!!
Herhum?

Although you see me handling a teddy here, boys and girls, you should never attempt to hold or pat a teddy bear ever. I know some of you may have done so in the past, but that does not put you out of danger. The specimen I have here is only a baby, and the larger adult bears are far more vicious. Especially mother teddies with cubs. Boy, would I hate to be in a room with one of those. Even this little guy has managed to take some chunks out of me.
*Show scar*

There are many different species of teddy bear, the one I am holding here is known as ursus patchus. He is quite rare, on the verge of becoming an endangered species.
I hope none of you have been getting the wrong idea about the most wonderful and vicious teddy bear. Although they are dangerous, and will eat you without a moments notice, they still have rights just like other animals. Teddy bears should not be kept as pets, just like other wild animals should not be kept as pets.

The teddy bears natural environment is the unfranchised toyshop, but sadly, due to overcommercialisation, the popularity of large chain stores, ant the greed of today?s youth, more and more teddies are being bought as pets. Some of these teddies are then mistreated by their owners, and the ones that aren?t are lonely, lost, and emotionally scarred for life from being taken away from their paradise homes. It truly is cruel.
*Sniffs*

So children, if you do happen to see a teddy in a store, please leave him alone and don?t disturb him, not only at the risk of being eaten yourself, but also at the risk of the teddies comfort.
Now just a few quick facts abou?*Flinch* Owwww! He bit me!
Oh dear. Back in the box for you! I?m sorry folks, but I?m going to have to put him away, for everyone safety.
*Puts away teddy* I suppose that just about wraps up the show for today, doesn?t it. I hope you enjoyed yourselves and learn some things about today?s fascinating animal, The Teddy Bear. Teddies are truly majestic and dangerous animals, my friends.
*Sniff*
Thankyou, thankyou.
By the way, the donation box is at the door?
Thankyou.
*Bows*
*Takes seat*


Well, I hope you enjoyed that...wierd, isn't it? Tell me what you think. Oh well, wish me luck/prayer that the speech actually goes well, It's on tuesday, and...well, I still have to practice it. And I have a whole other project to do in the space of a day! I knew procrastination was a bad thing to be doing on saturday...
Thanks a bunch! :P
From the desk of the stressed out, killer teddy bear fanatic
Cinnamon
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