Sunday, February 27, 2005

   Bleeding inside
Why does it feel like a dull knife digging into my heart. Whenever i hear those words. I feel as if there is a hole ripping deeper and deeper every momment i am away. You voice makes me feel so safe taking every thing away. all of what is unknown no and forever
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Saturday, February 19, 2005

   OUCH!!!!!
ok so now to explain the title... yesterday my roommate comes home from work and is like we should do something... so we go into portland trying to figure out what to do... so we are like lets get pierced... alright we have this friend that does piercings so we head ofer to his place and there we are... so it took about an hour to get both of us done we got the same thing venoms whice are two piercings on the bottom lip on either side of where a labret would go... he has 14 gage in and for some reason i got 12 gage F#$@ing ouch...

I woke up this morning and it seriously felt like i was punched in the face... but its all good cant eat very well i think i shall be just eating frech frys and smoothys...

but i am going to go see boogie man today i think.. so gotta go get ready i may post later tonight y'all have a great day and talk to you soon...

~Joshua~
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

Vacation
WOOHOO only like 4 hours left till I am on vacation... *dances around the cube* it is going to be so nice to not to have to be in this cube for a week... stairing at the ugly green wall. but then again i will prolly get super bored at home all alone... I will have to find someone to hang out with... but who???? oh well who knows

wow its only 2am i really need to find something to do i am really bored... but i can listen to music really loud my cube mate is off on lunch.. then i get to go to lunch when she gets back... but i think i will go at 3:30 so that i can call melissa... (do you think i am pathetic?) who knows...

Does any one know who Dir en gray are... or even like them maybe i will put them up after Deadsy. I like them they are a japanese rock band... and have reall weird music videos kool but weird...any way i am going to get back to looking like i am working..

Have a great day every one..

~Joshua~
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

   ummm...
as bordom hits the worms start eating my brians... I hate surf control it has got to be onw of the worst programs on teh planet... blocks all the good shit i am very glad that it does not block this becasue then i would prolly go even more insane. and that prolly would not ba a good thing....

damn i am not sure what to talk about tonight... *thinking* ok that does not help brains melting aaahhhhhhh ummm... (ouch i hit my self in the head with the bat phone) that hurt... but it did make me think of something i am not sure why though

Has any one herd about the new bill the FCC is trying to pass... that from what i hear will drasticly change the air waves as we know it.. (little floating air waves) ok any way back to what i was saying i cannot find any information on the bill but from what i hear it is distorying our first amendment: Right to free speach. which is F&*#ed cuz that is one of our natural rights and to start dictating what we can say that does not sound like free speach to me... (but i could be wrong)

YAY one day till i am on vacation I have never worked anywhere that gave you paid vacations and i get to take 7 days off and get paid for them woowoo...

When the song starts working... I am dedicating it to Melissa cuz when i was listening to it tonight it made me think of her... And it was kinda sad... *single tear rolls down my cheek* but oh well..

DAMN NY school system having there spring break the same week i am on vacation... cuz i had planned to go there for my vacation... but melisssa is going to be in another state at the time and she is the only reason i was going to go to NY but oh well i guess i will just have to find another time to suprise her.. jus show up in NY in some random month... but I am not sure i would be able to leave again... but i guess that would not be that bad... but i am sure that i would anoy her quite a bit... cuz i am weird i guess...

Now she is showing my pic's to her mum aaaahhhhhh kinda scary. her mum wanted to talk to me not so scary jus a lil weird but oh well thats life...

any way i have to get back to work y'all have a good day.

~Joshua~
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Tuesday, February 15, 2005

   Valentine's day is finally over
hmmm... I am not sure what i am going to do... I have a month before i get laid off Damn out sourcing... And yesterday i actually realized how far i live from melissa and that was really sad. But with luck I will be able to visit her soon... althought i am not sure if she would want me to. ( I am only kidding i know that she would love for me to be able to be close to her as would i to be able to hug and hold her hand) *cries* I am talking to her now on the phone and she say HI everyone...

I and i got the sweetest Ecard from melissa yesterday. I think i even got a lil tearie. *Smilz* it was really kool but you all cannot read it... its mine muuuahahahahah*evil laugh*

I wanna go back to sleep grrrrrrr... But i get to go on vacation in two days yay i am super happy about that (and its a paid vacation) a full week off from work... I will try and post in that time i am not sure when i will have time though... prolly going to drink quite a bit over the week woohoo party and my place... *Drinks all around* hehehehe... but on a more serious note drinking is bad for you especially underage drinking in todays teens it hase become a really big problem... if you do decide to party and drink or whatever please stay safe. dont drive we loose anuff children to drunk driving as it is... never go somewhere you dont know either if you think it might not be safe dont listen to any one get the hell out of there... and dont look back screw what ppl will think just keep your self safe...

I know i sound like some stupid adult that every one hates... but this is a very serious matter I have seen what ppl go through when loosing someone to this sorta shit too many ppl wraping cars around trees or even driving into someone living room...

I am going to go i may post later today if i am on the comp I hope you all have a great day...

"Ones life is so short for that if you are always worring about what everyone else thinks you will never get any where."

"Why do I try to make you Smile when all I do is make you cry."

"we all stand on the head of a pin its how you balance that makes the difference."

"The world is unforseen in the eyes of those who cannot see their own suffering."

~Joshua~
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Monday, February 14, 2005

A deeper meaning
Has any one ever noticed that every holiday has become very comercial...

Its kinda sad how even a day that is sopos to be about compassion and Love... But now days it seems to be about who can buy the best gift for there loved ones. Who has the biggest pocket book...

What ever happend to spending the time to make a romantic dinner for two... That insdead of paying whatever ammount of money to get into some fancy restaurant ... Why not jus spend the time and create the dinner your self... Its really not that hard I mean honestly what would you want??? Some guy/girl spending lots of money taking you to a 5 star restaurant or taking the time to sit out under the stars jus the two of you with a meal prepared with all the love this person has for you...

which sounds better i guess to each his/her own... it will jus depend apon the person some ppl like to have tons of maney spent on them while others jus want to spend the entire day with their Valentine... Sitting under the stars thinking about what will happen next...

But what is the true meaning behind this day? or i guess it would be better asked what does it mean to you??? To me Valentine's day is a time to be close to your friends and loved ones. unfortuntaly the person that i wish to be closeest to is 2917.18 miles away (I know mapQuest) but not the point... no matter how far i am from her I will always feel her in my heart... and by writing this i am prolly embarrassing her (blushing hun?) Ok i am sorry i am a really big dork. maybe i should stop typing... na i dont wanna.

if i am not making any sence i am sorry... I was on the phone with some one for 4 hours when i should have been sleeping.. not that i am complaining I am not usually able to talk to anyone for that long... but only having like 5 hours of sleep then trying to stay awake for an 8 hour work shift from 10pm to 630 am its not too easy... but I was wonderfull talking to her... even thought she was being a spaz ( not that it was a bad thing i was jus laughing at her) I think she was a lil excited about getting her flowers a day early DAMN FTD *shaking fist* and on top of that did not even deliver both barts of it at once... That jus pisses me off... first of all it was sopos to be delivered on monday or today cuz it still feels like sunday for me. but only delivering part of the F%$#ing thingie GGGGRRRRRRR....

ok now that i have said that i am calm again... (maybe) unless they dont deliver the second part today then i think i will have to kill them... their blood will feed my inner demon ( well he is relly not inner cuz he is out all the time) ummm... i am not crazy i sware.. ( ok i am so what who is not now days)

Ok i think i have writen quite a bit and i am sure that every one is bored of reading the rantings of a mad man...

I hope every one has a great Valentines day.

Specially Melissa (a.k.a. KaWaiixLiLxbLu) my valentine this year and prolly for some years to come... Love you hun *muah*

~Joshua~
Circus Boy
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   V-Day
I hold this picture tight to my heart and wonder why it hurts so much.
To see your smiling face through you tears. I see what is you nothing else matters but this moment our hearts combined truly know each other now and forever.

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Sunday, February 13, 2005

Choices
The choices we make every day will affect us for the rest of our lives... Like Drinking at a party you may not think that it is a real big deal but it really is. I am not saying that you should not drink not at all that would be kinda one sided because i drink all the time.

But drinking is not the point... The point is the choices we make when inebriated... What happens to day can mess you up for the rest of your life...

Yet there are some things we have no choices over... Like Love people fall in and out of love every day. But if you could choose who you fell in love with would you really want to... Or telling your self not to love someone. That would be like telling your self not to breathe. It would be like digging a little piece of your heart out with a rusty spork. Not something that you really want to do... ( atleast not me) Loving someone can be the greatest feeling in the world.. And I am not talking about some little High school fling... I am talking about truly loving some one anuff that you would risk your life for them... like taking a bullet or pushing them out of the way of a car even knowing that you would be hurt or even die...

True love is what some of us will search our entire lives for.. To love someone so much as to no matter how far you are apart you can always feel him or her in your heart... knowing when something is wrong... Knowing when they are happy.

I know it is possible to find such a thing.. no matter how many life times it takes you... I am just going to leave with one more thought..

Love is like a butterfly hold it to tight and it will die. But if you let it flay away and it comes back it was ment to be.

Love every moment like it is your last... Take chances for you never know when it will be all taken away from you..

~Joshua~

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Wednesday, February 9, 2005

   LALALALALA
Ok i am bored here at work prolly going to have my hair braided in a lil bit fun stuff... I will take pictures of it and post them on Snowboard...

Oh yea Melissa here is that link for you sorry i forgot to post it the other day www.illwillpress.com

Foamy is the master WOO HOO I saw you on snb earlier tonight sorry i missed you buit maybe that is best that i did so you can get some sleep tonight and not miss school cuz you were up all night talking to stupid boy's...

Any way today was really boring i was super tired slept jus about all day... but good sleep none the less i think i needed all that sleep after the crazy weekend i had.. oh well next week i may not post as much i will prolly be out of town I will miss every one but i am not leaving yet so no worries...

for now i am going to go have a good night and i will talk to you in the morning melissa..

~orbis puer~
(Circus Boy in Latin)
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Tuesday, February 8, 2005

What I Am
I am the darkened angel that has fallen
from one's Heaven onto this earth.

I am the one that is in your dreams,
the one you fear because I am different.

I am the moon that shines on you,
the one you look up to when you're blue.

I am the night, dark and lonely,
the stars above that light your way,
the little bits of light that float across the lands,
the one who is different from what you believe.

I am the one you fear and do not understand
like the little bee that stings you in the morning's sun.

I am the rainy day where some love to play
and others hide away only to come out another day.

I am the one that strives to be like no other person.
I can only be who I am because that is all I know.

I am the only one who is me,
I will only be who I am.
I will change for no one,
I will be who I am until I decide to change my self.

Josh Whittam
Copyright ©2004 Josh Whittam


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