myOtaku.com: Clair

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1989-03-11
Gender
• Female
Location
• North Dakota
Member Since
• 2003-08-06
Occupation
• Student
Real Name
• Erin

Personal

Achievements
• I've received several awards for academics, leadership, and my music.
Anime Fan Since
• Fifth Grade, thanks to Pokemon. ^^
Favorite Anime
• FLCL, Cowboy Bebop, and Gundam.
Goals
• World domination. Or, on a slightly smaller scale: publish my books
Hobbies
• King's Quest, writing, eating Torra, and reading "Wraith Squadron" over and over again...
Talents
• French horn, viola, electric bass, and writing.

myOtaku.com: Clair

Monday, October 4, 2004

A Pretty Rough Time...
... Yeah, today was possibly one of the worst days of my life, as one of my freinds, Jon, commited suicide.

We got the "sucidal/depression" speech today as well, and my counselor suggested some ways to help with my seasonal depression, so I don't go off making rash decisions...

I have mixed emotions running through my mind right now; mostly confusion and dissapointment. I really wish I could have spent more time with Jon... he was such a fun kid. We ran cross country and did marching band together, and I don't know if I'll ever look at marching parades the same again.

Anyway, during times like this, I'd normally do something bad to myself, like slit at my wrist, but I was digging through old papers, and I found an encouraging note from a freind... T_T Thanks, Soliar.

Today also made me wonder what would happen if I ever actually commited suicide myself. The counselor's offices were open all day, so me and two of my other freinds went there to spill our guts and cry on each other's shoulders. The school also made a banner where you could write to Jon... I looked at everyone writing in it and wondered: "Why did you leave us?" So many people love him, and he'll never know that now. *sigh*

Overall, today was rough, and I never want to relive it. The last time I sobbed this much had to be September eleventh, but this seems worse, because I lost a freind.

My views of suicide have changed drastically, and I'm hoping this will help me stop my self-mutilation. I've decided to go in for counseling during the fall and winter months when I have my depression in order to avoid doing to other what Jon did to me.

So Jon, I love you, miss you, and wish you were with me again.

~Erin~
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