Thursday, June 16, 2005

Posted : June 14, 2005 at LiveJournal.com

Yesterday, we had a Nera-Ibuna-and-whatever-the-last-names-of-those-other-people-are family reunion. It took the whole day, so it was dark on our way back. Classical music was the opted background music for the night. I sat in the car, head leaning towards the window, watching the passing cars, shining under the street lights, and reading what I could on the bill board signs. But no sign was to be remembered, for something was being contemplated so deeply, that I saw all those things as blurs. I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear the first time my brother called me. After finally being completely pulled back to reality, I had already come to a conclusion to my thoughts. Spending my time worrying about whatever happened in the past is a silly and a stupid thing to do. Not to mention, a waste of time. (I mean, why worry when I could be doing something productive instead?) Besides, chances of us meeting again are one in a million. So I concluded and said it was official. Endless days of wondering is over. Hopefully, so will the dreams. It has only been less than a day when all this happened, but I started to feel good. Doing what I did, I thought I'd be forgetting about it maybe a week after it happened. But in never ocurred to me that it would haunt me even months after it happened. How can a cd and a letter disturb me that much? And so I tried to bury the feeling of worry and - I can't think of another way to put it - distress under a pile of other emotions. Happiness, sadness and anger. Added another pile on it, and those are memories, thoughts, opinions - everything. But no matter what I did, how deep I buried it, I could still feel a tinge of the worry and distress, and somehow, though I do not understand why on earth I'd be feeling this way - guilt. Officially announcing it[the conclusion] to myself, in a way, made me feel free from those I've been feeling. A few hours after saying it already made an effect on me. I felt good. I can finally get myself back in focus. But things have a way of turning against me. No sooner had I thought the one-in-a-million chance will never come- and make no mistake, I didn't want it to come - it did. It came, surprising me in a way that would be hard to forget. It came at me right at my face, as if saying I'll NEVER forget. I'll NEVER get over it. He came, sitting there innocently, looking as he had before. It took me only a moment to realize whose face I was looking at and I turned and retreated away like a coward. In my defense, I'd say I'm just a 'shy' girl and I wouldn't be able to take it if I faced him right then and there, but I do admit. I did what a coward would do. I went away and sat on the farthest side from him, acting like nothing - noone of importance was there. I pretended I did not see him and I plainly refused to look in their way. I refused to even acknowledge his father. As I sat there, across from my friend, Christine, my head bent down towards my notebook where I was rewriting my notes, a thousand, if not a million, thoughts raced through my mind. But one thought stood out quite clearly. Taking risks is the only way you'll get by... Always GO for it! If you don't, you'll be miserable all your like asking 'what if's'. But as always, I went against the principles I've been making myself adapt to. And now, I'm yet again plagued by the distress I suffered. the worse of it being that it actually doubled. My only consolation now is that it might be a long time before we see each other, or I(if he actually failed to notice my presence) see him again. Another one-in-a-million chance. Funny though... just when I was least expecting to see him, I did see him. 8-} Things, good or bad, really do happen when you least expect it. ### Didn't understand it? Don't worry, neither did I. xD Aren't I dramatic? :p Heh. I was just really confused at that time, and when I'm confused, I tend to get dramatic and er...emotional. xD Soooo. Anyway, school's already started for us Filipinos here, while most of you out there has just ended... right? :) Geez, while the sun's shining there, it's raining cats and dogs here. Anyway, school's been alright so far. Though, I've lots of complaints I think you'd rather not hear about. :p My birthday's coming up. xD Wonder what we'll do? :p Some people are already hinting that they're expecting me to well, as we call it here, "Blow out". Which is kind of a party, but I get to bring all the food there. xD Or in most cases, I take them out to a restaurant, or anywhere actually, to eat or if I'm really THAT rich, to a theme park. All the expenses go to me. heh. >_< Only problem is, I got no money! T_T ... Oh well, I'll think about it when the time comes. xD How have you all been? :D How's summer so far? :p

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Saturday, May 28, 2005

   Golden Anniversary + wedding + host = busy week

yeah. ^_^ in about 3 and a 1/2 hours, my grandparents' will be having a Renewal of Vows. :) there will be a wedding and a reception. I've been busy preparing for it. :p I've been asked to be host for the evening reception where I'll sing doxology and a duet (The Prayer) with my grandma. :) Sad thing about this is Ate Rea (one of my friends who's in college) is celebrating her 18th birthday today. She invited me to her debut but obviously I won't be able to go. It sucks because it'll be the first ever debut I'll be attending if I did. oh well. Golden Anniversaries come once in a lifetime while debuts come in packs. :D Oops. i have to get ready now. ^_^ bye y'all! Wish me luck on my performance later! :D I miss you! ^_^

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Sunday, May 22, 2005

   Riddles

erg. Kuya Aron got me into this. Maybe you'd like to try it? :D PM me if you want to. ^_^ It's really cool trying to answer these riddles. haha! Only they tend to give me headaches. :p But it feels great to be able to answer one. ^_^ My cousin just went home. :) We had a good time yesterday. Went to the mall, watched The Amityville(sp?) Horror. It was ok. Some things just didn't make sense. heh. oh well, what have y'all been up to? :D I miss you! ^_^

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Thursday, May 19, 2005

   Sizzling Hot

I've been really busy this week, what with my dad's birthday and the sudden invitation to spend the night at the Manila Hotel (a 5 star hotel. We stayed in a suite the night before my dad's birthday.) and the long-awaited Himig Xientia outing (which was supposed to be an overnight at a private resort.). *phew* and then to top it all off, it has been an incredibly HOT month! The highest so far had been 40 degress Celsius. (high enough to be a very dangerous fever) >_< Spending a few minutes under the hot glaring sun has resulted into me getting burned. See that? BURNED!! >_< (No, I am NOT exaggerating.) That's why I try to spend my day in my room where it's airconditioned. wooh. It's been an incredibly tiring week. It's almost over and next week, I have my grandparents' Golden Anniversary to look forward to. (I'll be singing a song for them! :D) *sigh* a lot of things have happened, some good, some not so very good, and still some which are making me sad. But that's ok. I'd rather not dwell on those stuff. :) I miss you all!

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Friday, May 6, 2005

   FRIDAY!!! yay!

:D heh. Knowing today's Friday gave me strength to go around and about on the net and update. :) Nothing of particular interest happened today, except that we were told we'd have a class picture on monday. heh. Oh wait, there is one. I came to class wearing a pink shirt, only to find out the four of us on our row were all wearing pink! hahah! :p Pink was the color of the day. :p Hmm... Had our first day of Physics. T_T It was oh-so-exciting! ... NOT! T_T Now don't get me wrong. I like Physics. I LOVE Physics. :) But the teacher...O_O Don't even get me started. -_- Oh well, besides that, nothing more really. :) Just an ordinary day. Let's see... How about I do some replying? :p Thanks to those who commented. ^_^ I appreciate it lots. ^_^ Dark Phoenix: Haha! Normally, the last year is. But in my school it's the 3rd year (second to the last year. Junior year.:) ). But I think I'll be busy anyway, not with school, but with preparations for the tests I'll be taking. :D ^_^;; I hope I make through alive though. :p hehe. :D:D You're right. Didn't they say it's all about knowing the right people? (When and if you want to do something big, that is. :p) and yes, it's always fun meeting new people. ^_^ *huggles* Solo Tremaine: *hug* hahah! I'm glad you remember me. It's great to see you too!*nods* yup yup! One should never be afraid of stepping out of his circle of friends. Make it grow big, right? :D *salutes* Yes sir! You take care and enjoy your time too! :p *huggies* Shizuka: Shizukaaa!!! *glomps* aww... thank you for understanding. *sigh* it's a tough job, but if I want to keep my future bright I should do it. right? *huggles* I missed you so. How are things? I hope everything's alright. *hugs again* :p Take care! GooseAOYCKMA: how come? heh. I'm curious. Seems you really dislike Europe... Care to enlighten me why? ^_^ Mew Wem: :) I've got a very wide range of interest actually... heh. that's why it's really hard to pick one. I'm mainly looking at the career path of the course I'll be picking. ... A day before? ohh... but then that means what we get to read today are what you came up with yesterday? hmm... not a very bad idea. heh. :p *hugs* Thanks for commenting! *huuuuug* take care always! ^_^ :D Thank you so much you guys. ^_^ Anyway, now I'm off to ask my dad why he wouldn't let me go out tomorrow night. You see, a friend of mine invited me to watch a Cynthia Alexander gig tomorrow night at Conspiracy. It starts around 7 and most probably will end around midnight. So we decided to spend the night over at my other friend's house. I asked him earlier if I could, he said "No". I said "Why?" He replied, "I'm not in the mood." then he slammed the door. ?_? What kind of answer was that? I asked him properly, the least he could've done was to answer me back properly and tell me why. I don't see anything wrong with it. >_< This is going to sound bad but, everyday I'm getting more and more annoyed at my dad. Every little mistake I do he'd shout at me. He'd blame me for the smallest things to go wrong. and I am NOT exaggerating here. Like this one night for example. Me and my twin was in his room watching Charmed. Waiting for the show to start, I took my contacts off so I could use my glasses instead. I did it while on the bed. I figured it was safe because there was the bed (which was neatly done by the way.) to catch it if it falls off from my hand. I was taking off my left contact lens off when the show started. So I was looking at the TV when I put my left contact in its container. I was sure I dropped it there and closed the lid. So when commercial came, I opened the container and was surprised to find my left contact missing. I began feeling around my leg (I was sitting cross-legged) and on the bed. it could'nt have gotten anywhere else since I hadn't moved yet. So there I was feeling around when Joan noticed me and asked what I was doing. I told her looking for something. She just HAD to say it out loud, "NAWAWALA??" ("YOU LOST IT??") So of course dad heard and then he started yelling and shouting at me for being very irresponsible, for it being a mistake to even buy me my contacts (it cost us 4.5k because I had to use Toric Lenses). I was like, Come on! it hasn't even been 5 minutes and already you're acting like I lost it and it's sure never to be found? Wow. Great way to show how you really expect me to lose things dad. yes I admit, it was partly my fault for being absentminded while doing so, But he could have given me a chance to look for it for a few more minutes before yelling and shouting at me. The commercials weren't even over yet! and so he kept shouting and I kept looking and when I did find it, I couldn't help but be smug. As if daring him to keep yelling at me. As if to mock him for over-reacting. That's what he always does anyway. Over reacts on the things I do. Hmmm... I know you'd say that's how everyone feels anyway. Their parents overreacting about everything they do. Their parents being unfair between them and their siblings. But believe me. I don't want to admit it you know. It's not a pretty feeling, knowing that your dad favors your sister over you when you know that you're being a lot nicer to him than she is. I'm not like the others who say this because of self-pity or to make people sympathize with me. No. Of course not! argh. I'm slowly slipping into a bad mood. I think I should go. If you read everything till here, thank you! have a cookie. :D *huggles* I love you all! ^_^

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Thursday, May 5, 2005

   The irony.

*peeks inside* ehh.. hehe. I'm sure no one remembers me here now. O_O *sigh* As ironic as this may sound, it's summer and I'm busy STUDYING. Sure, I'm almost always online. BUT somehow everyday I feel too tired to even think about posting. T_T Bad. I know. But really. Y'all must know how that feels. You're really tired and you barely have the strength to type. (and it doesn't really help that there are people who expect to be visited back. T_T) ... A lot has happened. It's the second month of summer for me, but I've barely had vacation at all. School ended April 15 and will start on June 6. That gives me about 6 weeks of summer left. Take about 2 weeks scheduled for the UPCAT and ACET reviews (and all the other entrance exams we might think to take), then take another week or so for my tutor for Bio, and then take another week for the preparation for my grandparent's Golden Anniversary, oh and let's not forget the week we have to buy stuff and get ready for school. That leaves me about... ONE WEEK of SUMMER. >_< Imagine that. The only thing I'm happy about is that this is my last year of high school (although I'm really really going to miss it) and I'm off to college! :p heh. I'm having a bit of trouble though... I can't decide on which course to take! >_< my top choices are: B Music (Conservatory of Music) major in Voice European Languages European Studies Economics Business Administrations They're pretty far apart from each other don't you think? heh. Oh well, hopefully after this review classes, I have a pretty clear idea about what I want. Speaking of review classes, I'm soooo glad I didn't go with any of my close friends from school. Then I might've not met up with such great new people! :D It really feels good to have good friends from outside. heh, to make it clearer for you, let me explain what happened in our review classes. Most of us (the batch graduating 2005-2006) are taking review classes for (mainly and mostly) the UPCAT and the ACET. UPCAT stands for University of the Philippines College Admission Test while ACET stands for Ateneo College Entrance Test. yep, we're going to college! :D hehe. so anyway, most of my friends (who're in the other sections) took a special batch for a particular review center. In other words, they're all in the same batch, which made them classmates. I, on the other hand, opted for a more suitable time for me and my sister, which meant I would be in a class where I barely know anyone. and I'm very happy I did that. :) Now I've become friends with people from different schools and even if we've only been together for a week, we feel like old friends. hehe, funny, none of us go to the same school. :) and now we're planning to have our picture taken in a studio for remembrance. :) It feels good to have friends outside. ^_^ hehe. You can really tell I'm happy about it. :p hehe. Imagine, if I'd have gone with a close friend of mine, we would've tended to keep to ourselves. Know what I mean? SO I'm really glad I didn't. ^_^ But, just because I'm happy about that doesn't mean I'm looking forward to the classes everyday. Here's our schedule: 8:00a.m. - 10:15 a.m --First Subject: STRAIGHT LECTURE (take note. LECTURE. NOT discussion.) 10:15 - 10:30 -- Break 10:30 - 12:00 -- It would depend really. sometimes we'd have lecture again and then a test, or a test first before another lecture. End of First Subject. 12:00 - 1:00 -- lunch break. (Imagine: walking under the glaring sun. oh joy.) 1:00 - 3:15 -- Second Subject: STRAIGHT LECTURE. 3:15 - 3:30 -- Break 3:30 - 5:00 -- Lecture/test. Heh. That's a mild version of that. Because if I wanted it to look harsh I would've just put this: 8:00-12:00 - First Period 12-1 - Break 1:00 - 5:00 - Second Period. heh. That looks scary. O_O Imagine, 4 HOURS STRAIGHT OF LECTURE. O_O How exciting. oh and get this, during our tests, they put us on extreme pressure. Imagine answering a Math test. 50 items in 15 minutes? Oh wait, don't imagine. I don't want you to get hurt. *sigh* Just saying that made me feel tired. But it's ok. At least I'm brushing up on my er... stock knowledge. hehe. Oops. it's almost 10. I gotta sleep. I'm so sorry I can't update. I know I said I will update more during summer, but I didn't know I'd be busy and tired like this. Do understand. please. I still love you guys! ^_^

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