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Monday, December 19, 2005


   Alone...
I am so tired, I felt mad depressed today. Anthony doesn't like me. Oh well, I'll get over it. I shouldn't dwell on the past anyway. But I feel so lonely, and I feel as if I'm always gonna feel this way. I'm always saying there is someone for everyone, but there will never be a person for me...Why is it that some call me their savoir? I don't save anyone, I just don't want anyone to be sad. Besides I'm not a savior, can't even save myself. Where is my savior? When will I be saved?! WHAT IS THE POINT OF ANYTHING ANYMORE?!! I can't stand it. I will always be alone. I'm either too weird, too emotional, too random, or stupid for someone. No one can just love me for who I am, except for Patrick and he's all the way in damn South Carolina! I will never get the chance to have someone who truly loves me or accepts me for me. I can't change who I am people, so why can't anyone just take me as I am!? I'm sick of being stereotyped because I'm different, why is such a big deal!? Other people are silly and odd and random, but I am ALWAYS the one who gets singled out for it! Why me?! What makes me so damn special!? I am so sick of it damnit! Why can't people just...like me? Why do I have to be the one who is alone in the end, when all I try to do is help others? WHAT'S THE POINT, WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT?! I NEED ANSWERS! WHY AM I SO DIFFERENT, WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LOVE ME?!! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY?!! WHY AM I DENIED HAPPINESS?! WHY IS IT THAT WHENEVER I HAVE ONE GOOD THING IN MY LIFE IT ALWAYS GOES AWAY!? I HAVE ONE HAPPY MOMENT IN MY LIFE, AND THEN EVRYTHING, EVERYONE, JUST BRINGS ME BACK DOWN! IS IT BECAUSE THEY ENJOY SEEING ME SUFFER!? IS THAT IT?! I CAN'T BE HAPPY! IT'S LIKE A FUCKING RULE ETCHED INTO MY FOREHEAD SAYING, "HAPPINESS FREE"! It's so pointless...It's so damn hopeless. I...give up. You here that people I GIVE UP! YOU HAPPY NOW?! LOOK AT YOUR WORK, ARE YOU PROUD?! ARE PROUD ABOUT HOW YOU'VE HUMILIATED ME, HOW YOU'VE BETRAYED ME, HOW YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY EVERYTHING I LOVE!? ARE YOU?! ...In the end, I've lost this battle. This darkness, this endless oblivion that surrounds, is the only way I will ever stop the pain. I guess, the world was never meant for someone like me. I'm just another outcast, and I will never belong in this place...
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