Thursday, April 29, 2010

Rainy day
Today was a little sunny, but the week shows it's going to be rainy. Oh well, rain is fun too. I remember when I used to dance in the rain, and nothing mattered back then. Oh the angstyness.

Sorry for sounding a bit depressed last post, but I've just been a little anxious. I see so many people that I know and love that have thrown their lives down the drain. So many people have betrayed me and they betray themselves. I just... there's always this paranoia in me, like 'wow, am I going to turn into that person? Will I be like they are?'

I just hope that I neve lose sight of what's important like so many people I know. They all look but never see. How can they be so blind? I just hope I never become what they are, I just hope so. I'm so young yet feel a little old, lol, because I've seen and been through things that just wear me a little. I'm still capable of being independent and optimistic about things, I know true strength comes from overcoming the shit people bring and not regressing into that cycle of hate or violence.

I've always admired the people that could do that. I have friends who've been through some serious stuff, always made me wonder how they woke up the next day. It's not like they plan anything: they just do it. I think those people have a certain sense of the world unlike the many sheltered like us, and they are able to overcome by lifting their chin and smiling. I'm not talking about turning the other cheek and putting a mask of happiness to hide the pain, I'm talking about real happiness. Sure, they're a little damaged and messed up, and it shows... but they never let themselves down no matter how much others around them try. They see their own potential and break out of that cycle of hate... That's what I call true strength, true courage is the will to power, to survive, mind over matter. Those people who have it tough and come out with a few scars and battle stories, but are OK are the ones I admire.

I've just seen those who couldn't break out, and I feel a little sorry for them. Everyone does have a choice though. Maybe not the choice of influence over other people and the environment, those are in a circle of no control, but we have the power to do what we want. No one sees that, so they regress and regress. I'm sorry to those who have no choice, but even the Nazis could choose whether to join Hitler and his psychoticism; and there were a few that rebelled against him.

I just hope that I could be one of those people, even if death was the only option, I would remain my true self instead of be someone else. Thanks for hanging in there and for telling me your thoughts.

Anyway, this post has too much angst in it.



YAYS!!
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