Friday, August 20, 2010

Long week
Hey people, hoped you enjoyed the last post, full of jest and all. But today I'm going to post something a little more serious. I need some sort of catharsis, so I am gonna try to write out and sort my feelings as best as possible.

My aunt has suffered from cancer for a long time, and right now she's in hospice care. She's one of the strongest people I know, she's had an extremely hard life and she's dying so young. We are currently up north right now and went to visit with cousins to see here. I like talking about the natural beauty of landscapes, and I had no idea how many hills and lakes there is up here. She's in a very peaceful rural place with all her kids whom we haven't seen in such a long while. It's so weird how family can just get close when there's an event like that... just wondering how long it'll last. Some people don't change, but she has great kids, and all those intergral familial issues somehow just dissipate. Hopefully we can keep close, it's really nice. We watched the grandkids play, laughed, played with the wolfdog-pups. I can upload some pics of them later, they're really cute. Today is the last day we might see her and it was really hard, my mom broke down and I was trying not to because I'm always the strong one. I just can't show emotion, especially around others, I have to be alone until I feel like I can trust that I'm safe and emotionally-stable to interact again. MyO has always been a great place for relief, private yet public, but knowing that my info and secrets are safe with the people here. I can trust you guys. Anyways, that was really tough as a lot of things in my life. But I shouldn't complain because the good outweighs the bad in my perspective at least. I have to tell myself that it's OK to be an optimist sometimes and a pessimist others... but to be a realist is what I try to be. And I am very realistic that in death can be obtained ultimate peace. Not necessarily spiritual or anything, I have no idea what happens in death, and it's hard for me to believe in a God. I'm sure there's a possibility in a higher power, but I try to be as realistic as I try to be open-minded. The only comfort I have is that she believes in it, and that's the best thing for her.

I also was able to get in contact with a very special close friend I have whom I haven't talked with in a very long time. She's not doing well at all, and I feel so powerless that I physically can't help her since I don't know where she even is... I know the general area, but she's going from shelter to shelter and friends' houses. I really want to beat her parents for fucking her life up. At least I KNOW that I'm not responsible and kid-friendly enough to have and take care of kids, I will never have a kid as long as I know that I can't be sure if I can be there for them. Some people just shouldn't breed :/ sorry for digressing there. I can't really organize my thoughts now.

sigh, all I can do is be strong for them. And I'm fine with that, I've always wanted to be looked up to as someone to come to for support and solace.

My dad's birthday is today too in all this mess, and it's kind of hard for him. Right now I'm taking care of the kids so he can have fun. I hope he does :3


In other news, how about something fun to distract from all the negative things?

I'm starting to watch TV more than usual. I never really like watching the tele, but there's some interesting stuff sometimes. Sometimes I like to watch the Syyyyefyyyyyyyye channel (I have to do that, I hate their logo change XD)
I watched one of those bogus paranormal shows. I like the idea of having something unknown to our limited knowledge of the world around us, the possibility of scientific discovery, because let's face it, we don't know everything that's out there so how can we be so sure of ourselves that extraterrestrials exist? The conventional ideas of the unknown are somewhat silly (like "extraterrestrials" mean "little green men"... it could mean ANY form of a living organism, including mircoorganisms like eukaryotes) anyways, while having logic of the natural world is essential since you can't assume that every bump in the night is a ghost, it's good to have an open mind and creativity for solving problems and for discovering things because you can't assume that every species in the world has been discovered. You have to balance what's "normal" and what needs to be investigated a little more before just concluding "A is this and B is that".

So I was completely confused when I saw this video



at first I tried to rationalize that it was something mechanical, it couldn't be a puppet since they'd be too wobbly, but the movement was more robotic. Which doesn't help explaining what the hell it is. Fact or Faked is a pretty good show, they demonstrate things with science very well unlike some other shows where they just run around and scream in the dark every time a sound is made (XD). But this... wtf is it? Does anyone have an idea of what it could be? XD I'm stumped.
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