Saturday, August 21, 2004

Toxic Nonsense

volume 1, Issue 3 Saturday, August 21, 2k4 Slow Traffic I'm not sure if anyone else has noticed that internet traffic seems to be painfully slow of late. My theory is traffic related to the Olympics has nearly brough the internet to its knees. It could just be my ISP, but it would take a lot of convincing to have me believe that. It seems to be doing okay today, which is fine by me because I don't like when things decide not to work for me efficiently. If I run into anymore troubles, I'll post them here. Personal Injury Earlier this week, I overworked my wrist while using the computer. the injury would have recovered by now if I hadn't gone and helped out with the groundwork(or framework in this case) of builing a storage shed. Needless to say, I'm in a bit of discomfort, and will get over it, but for now I need to take it easy. It'll be a couple weeks, but that won't interfere with my scheduled poss here, so I don't know why I mentioned it. Graphic Novels Waldenbooks(Sorry no time or energy to hunt up a link ths week) has started to carry Graphic Novels. I'm overwhelemed by the variety there is to choose from, and would like some pointers from those who have been following them for a while. My tastes in story varies. I like action stories, stuff that's a bit sci-fi (Some lighter horror type stuff, nothing Stephen King-eque), and something funny for a change of pace. Any recommendations will be considered(Provided they have it in stock at the time I go hunting). Editorial It's been an interesting week to say the least. I'm tired, I ache all over, and I still have half a shed to put together. I've made some discoveries too, having gladly made the choice to try a graphic novel at the recommendation of a friend. All in all, it's been interesting, let's see what next week brings. Night time on the Desert Wasteland of my mind, A cold, an tired place. Without hearing, without seeing, without feeling, Wind's breath gently stirs the sand. Peaceful dreams of anime horizons, Stories of strength and character, Dance about the dreary shadows, Tumbling weeds of sanity amidst chaos. Moon's glow pale on the sea of sand, Dunes drifting through time, Each it's own though, or memory, Standing to be recognized. I sail on, through the Desert Wasteland that is my mind, Seeking out the stories of legend, Learing the secrets of those who Dwell there, Sharing their lives with those Who will read. A lengthy tagline, but it's the only thing I could come up with to fit my mood. Anime Dreams Legal Notice The opinions expressed in this issue do not necessarily reflect those of the website, it's creator, host, affiliates, advertisers, or any other party who may be unjustly singled out due to my big mouth. The opinions are mine alone and I will take full responsibility for them. I stand behind everything I say, good or bad.

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Saturday, August 14, 2004

Toxic Nonsense

Volume 1, Issue 2 Saturday, August 14, 2004 It's Done Last week I glossed over a "project" I had started, but gave up on when interest in in wained. Well, actually, no one showed any interest in it, and I had it up here as my website link for at least two months. Plain and simple, it was a message board that I'd set up primarily to increase the means of communication I have, with a PM system here now, I really don't need my own space that just collects dust from lack of activity. I deleted it this morning, so the board, which was called Anime Dreams, has slipped into the realm of those broken dreams that many "projects" find themselves. It was an experiment, so I guess I should have anticipated the possibility of a failure from the start, but that's where I'm hopelessly optimistic. The "project" is gone now, that's all I really wanted to say about it. Working my Last Nerve I can say last week I was ready to give Napster the benefit of the doubt, now, I see them for what they are, a bunch of greedy, self-involved, RIAA bootlicking, [censored]heads who have absolutely NO concern whatsoever with their customers. I suppose if I could get a credit card to waste on their less than garbage trashpile that is a site, a human being would respond to my attempts at communication, not the cheap, lazy[censored] automated trash that I get. I won't waste another dime on that [censored] until I see an effort made to respect the customers. It's their loss, because I go out of my way to tell others not to waste time and money on cut-rate, wannabe [censored] I'd appreciate any information relating to how to contact a physical body that works for that company. Trash from Wal-Mart That's right, the national chain of domineering, Unfamily oriented, and downright tyrannical stores has major flaws in it, quality control being on of them. I mentioned in my last issue a DVD that I got which didn't work. The replacement I picked up this week is also a coaster. I've tested the player out on other disks, and it works fine, it seems to be the whole batch of disks that are defective. Don't buy your anime from Wal-Mart, save up and go to the nearest Best Buy. Mine is two hours away, and I've made the trip once already, and from the look of things, I'll be making it again really soon. This modern technology age we live in and things still don't work when, and how they are supposed to the first time. Much Needed "Vacation" Starting Next week, I'll be taking a much needed break from my usual online activities again. I find that I'm being worked to the end of my rope, and need some time to recover. I will take the time to put out Toxic Nonsense during that break, and those will probably be better issues when I'm not angry at something for being stupid, or ignorant. That's the 21st of August through the 4th of September at least. I may decide to go longer if I don't feel decompressed, defragmented, and desensitized enough. Editorial As one can see from reading this issue, I'm obviously in a bad mood. It happens to the best of us(and face it, I'm hardly even close to being the best at anything), and now is my time. If I didn't have such a headache at the moment, I'd end with something positive, but life is full of ups and downs, so soaring with the clouds one day could mean wading through mud pits the next. I'd better get this issue put to bed before I start a rant that I'll later regret. Anime Dreams Legal Notice The opinions expressed in this issue do not necessarily reflect those of the web site, it's host, it's affiliates, advertisers, or any other party who may be unjustly singled out due to my big mouth. This Weeks Links: No links this week, nothing was worth the time to present as an example.

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Saturday, August 7, 2004

Toxic Nonsense

Volume 1, Issue 1 Saturday, August 7, 2004 Funimation: Anime Channel Viability Survey A couple days ago I received an interesting piece of news from Funimation(I'm on their email list for news and information about their productions). They are researching the Viability of a 24/7 Anime network to be carried on cable and I believe Satelite services. What I was able to learn from the survey indicates they would try to get it on expanded basic as far as cable service goes, and not the higher cost Digital or premium services. The information as I perceived it also indicated something about the content being uncut. If many Anime Fans support the cause it could be a benefit for everyone, please lend your voice to the Funimation Survey and tell them what you think about it. (The survey is located in the News section on their site, as of thie release date of this post). I think it'll be a great idea, but that's just me. Napster Experience? I can only speak for myself on this one, but after trying out Napster with one of their Prepaid "Music Download Cards" I have to say the experience leaves something to be desired. To me, the user interface is frustrating, and complex. It's easy to figure out what you need to do, but figuring out how to do it is another story all together. I also have a major bone to pick with them over the content (or lack thereof in my case). With all the "Music added daily" nonsene they claim on their site, I have yet to see certain genres even be recognized. I'm refering to Japanese Pop Music of course, would you believe Napster doesn't carry anything in that genre at all? For those of you still on Windows 98(I was until earlier this year myself) Don't get the upgrade if you're wanting a compatible machine to be able to use Napster. It's not worth the money right now. I've begun the process of sending Formal Complaints to whoever is in charge there, and urge anyone who uses Napster that's a fan of Japanese Pop music and anime music to do the same. The louder the customers speak, the more effectively these corporate [censored] will listen. Dumb Luck Recently I was able to aquire a DVD player, which is almost a must have for any serious TV viewer these days. I still have much to get used to about how DVDs work, but I'm really liking the Japanese audio tracks that come along with some of the anime DVDs I've picked up. Just last night I picked up another DVD (Rurouni Kenshin if the details are important) to really begin my collection with shows I've seen before and like for what they are. I got the disk home and went to play it, and it worked fine at first, but about halfway through an episode, it froze up. I ejected and reinserted the disk, and it didn't load at all. I tried the disk in another player and it had no problems.(Special thanks to my sister for humoring me in the state of ill temperment I found myself, when things don't work correctly for me the first time, and every time, I tend to turn into a jerk) I tried it in the computer and couldn't duplicate the "crashes" there either. I'd blame the player, but it runs other disks without incident. Because I can't get either the disk, or the player to duplicate the problem, I'm not sure if the player's defective, or the disk is. I'm already planning the necessary steps to figuring this one out (Including but not limited to exchanging the disk where I got it) Tough Choice Early on this week I had to make the hard decision to retire a pet project of mine. I put a lot of effort into getting it off the ground, but it's success depended on the people element which never materialized. For those that were paying attention, there was a "website" link up to the left not that long ago. It would have taken you to my project. I took it down when I started to do maintenance on the project maybe a couple weeks ago, and it won't go back up. At the end of the week, it will no longer exist. I had my Advanced Reader Copies up there, among other things, but none of that is important now. I'll have a special section devoted to it in the next issue. Maybe someone can learn from my failure and succeed with their efforts. I'd commend anyone for trying what I did at least once, you learn a lot about how certain things work. Editorial Even with all that bad luck, I still managed to work on that story I mentioned here a while ago. It will be a while before I begin posting it, only because I want to know I have everything ready for it's arrival. It'll be the full issues of Toxic Nonsense later this year for a coule weeks, but the release is still pending. All in all though, I'l be better off with these little setbacks getting in my way, because they make achieving my goals feel more worth the efforts. I haven't started another picture yet, a miracle considering I draw to vent frustrations most of the time. Maybe I'll get to work on that tonight. That's my first issue, hope it turned out okay, Anime Dreams Link Information and Legal Notice The opinions expressed in this issue do not necessarily reflect those of the web site, it's host, it's affiliates, advertisers, or any other party who may be unjustly singled out due to my big mouth. The links provided in this issue are there for informational purposes. They should not be construed as advertisements or endorsments for the products or services the links represent. I am not responsible for the content on the pages, the advertisements thereon, or the availability of the links, which are subject to change without my prior knowledge. This Weeks Links: Here are the URLs that coincide with the links above. If for some reason the links do not work by themselves, use this information to get where you're trying to go. On a side note, the links should open in a new browser window. Funimation website: http://www.funimation.com/ Funimation Website News Page: http://www.funimation.com/f_index.cfm?page=news Napster: http://www.napster.com/index.html

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Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Toxic Nonsense is back!

It's coming this weekend. That's the promo tagline for my renewed effort to post here regularly. At some point either Saturday, or Sunday I'll post the first "issue" of Toxic Nonsense A weekly digest of what's going on in my art, stories, and the Desert Wasteland that is my mind. I'll have Late Editions(Special Reports) once in a while, depending on my mood, and how stongly I feel about the subject matter. this time I'm going to try to stick to my schedule, and look forward to many posts that are meant to entertain and enlighten. Anime Dreams

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Thursday, July 29, 2004

What's Trapped Inside

I finally got around to uploading that picture I mentioned a while back. Now I wait. It's been a while since I posted an update on things, and I don't really have much to say right now. I'm in one of those contemplative moods that I periodically find myself in when I need the concentration. I'll just have to see what comes up in the next few days, and go from there. Sorry for the serious tone(something I don't think of myself as being), I'll try to be lighter next time. Dream those Anime Dreams I so often wish upon you, and may the wind always be at your back guiding you toward clear horizons.

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Friday, July 23, 2004

   Fate of Pandora

I have not been her for a while, had to get some things sorted out in my head before I could post again. I appreciate the kind words that have been offered to me. I will try to get the personal thanks out as soon as I get this done(I saw the new PM system, and will test it out for myself shortly). anyway, ther aren't any new developements in the Groups thing yet, but the birds are singing in my ears which tells me something might just be coming up really soon. I can't pass along infomation I don't have yet, so that's the end of that for now. I'll have to wait and see with it. I am currently working on a picture(I started it the same day the whole groups thing went down) that I will try to have up here as soon as I get it done. Now I can't promise anything, but I can say I will try to get posted here. It's been so long since I looked at the fanart section I'll be overwhelmed when I finally get to check it out again. It's amazing, I got to be too busy to check like I used to. Oh well, eventually I'll be back on schedule again. Until next time, Anime Dreams.

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

   Here Goes Nothing

First off, thanks for the comments. It's kind words that ground me in reality after something set me off. I said I'd go into detail today, so here it is. You might want to have popcorn and sodas ready, my angry rants tend to be redundant and long. For those of you who are on Yahoo, you may be aware of the feature they have called Yahoo Groups. If not, you know of it now. It's on the Yahoo home page if you want to find it yourself(or the link doesn't work). I've joined a couple groups that reflect my interests(sorry, I'm not going name them here for personal reasons) in the past year. The first group I joined was an anime topic group(that's all you'll get from me, good luck trying to find it). The "Owner" (that's what they call the person whocreates the group) invited me to join, so I did. At the time it seemed like a good idea, considering I'm way out of the loop when it comes to a whole lot of things in the world of anime. Not long after I joined up there, one of the other members (Much worse than a jerk, but I can't decide which in a long list of obscenities to call him, so I'll keep it clean) thought it would be funny to have a laugh at my expense by posting rude, objectionable, and in legal terms harrassing messages to the group, directed at me personally. I took the time to point this out to the "Owner" and the primary "Moderator" on occassion, but nothing was done. For a while now, things actually quieted down, and I'd thought(Me thinking is dangerous by any stretch of the imagination, it usually ends up causing trouble for me in the end) the problem had been resolved. I think it was Yesterday, it may have been the day before, I'm still livid enough that I'm not getting things straight in my head. Anyway, I got onto Yahoo and discovered that the little (obscenity again substituted for a clean term, because I can't decide which one to call him) donkey has started his little game again. That was the last straw for me, I told myself: (Exact words here) "f#ck this" made one final post to the group, and left it, all in the space of about a minute(I type shockingly fast when I'm angry, you should hear the clacking of the keyboard now). Now you know why I'm hot under the collar, and will be for a couple days if not longer. Anime Dreams

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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

   Long Overdue

I know I'm long overdue for a decent update, but I've had a rough few days, and am currently in a foul mood so I'll wait until tomorrow to possibly have a detailed update. If I don't get a post up tomorrow, I'll have one up soon. Whenever my next post may be, I will explain the reasoning behind my foul mood today. Please be patient and wait until then to get it and don't ask me to discuss it sooner. Anime Dreams from Crazy, two exits beyond Margaritaville.

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Monday, July 5, 2004

   More Updates

Now that I'm done with the lastest story, I can return to my routine of semi coherent ramblimgs on whatever hangs up in my mind at the moment I make the post. I'll begin by taking the time to thank everyone who commeneted on my work throughout its (I know, horridly lengthy)run. I appreciate them in ways I can't describe without getting too personal. I think the comments kept me focused on getting the work done. I'm beginning to write my next one which will at least have shorter chapters so that they're not difficult to get through. I wont start to post it here until the fall when I expect it to be completely finished. It's too much of a strain on the nerves to write it while posting it, so I'll wait on the next one. Since the Advanced Reader Copy idea wasn't taken adavantage of, I'll not be doing that for future events. It was an experiment, so I shouldn't be too down about it failing. Nothing like that ever has a guarantee to work the way it's expected. I'll have to go through my old posts and see if there is any old business to revive, I recall something about an open picture request I made a while back, but the details elude me. I'll have that stuff next time. Anime Dreams

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Monday, June 28, 2004

Mission

Part Two: Chapter Two:     I sat in the large mostly empty hall along with the few others who were being decommissioned in the same ceremony. We were all uncomfortable, I more that any of the others. I sat stiffly watching the stage where the Headmaster and several instructors sat. Noticeably absent was my own instructor. I figured he didn’t have the answer, or he didn’t like the one he found, either way he couldn’t bring himself to face me like he promised. One of the others sitting near me glanced back at me with a subdued look, I just casually shook my head once, indicating silently I wasn’t in the mood to do or say anything beyond what was expected at the ceremony. His semi-worried expression was hollow compared to what I was experiencing.     The Headmaster got up and walked over to the podium slowly. He gazed out at the mostly empty house, focusing his eyes on each of the Protectors seated there in turn. He cleared his throat before beginning the customary speech that such a ceremony required. His tone was solemn and formal as he spoke.     “We are here today to honor those who have served their positions well by releasing them from their obligations, and setting them free.” The Headmaster said. “It is my privilege to send them off with high honors, and the gratitude of the many charges who have benefited from the services of the Protectors.”     I tuned out most of the speech, not wanting to hear a sugar coated fantasy that was one man’s ideal of what the Program represented. They’d lied to me so many times, I was to the point I could block out most of them without even thinking about it. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, turning my eyes from point to point in the room, not really focusing on anything in particular. My attention was returned to the front when I heard the Headmaster begin the final steps of the Decomm Ceremony.     “This Decommissioning is probably the shortest on record,” The Headmaster spoke sternly. “We have only seven Protectors going the way of the Faded Shadow, and one among you is also a Torn Shadow.” The man’s eyes fell right on me, my right arm properly in a cast and in a sling, making it obvious to all the others who he meant. “I will start the role with that name. Tom Harris, please step forward.”     I got up and walked toward the stage, a slight limp from the wrappings on my leg and my refusal to use crutches. I took a quick leap over the short set of steps, landing on the stage with a loud thud. In my mind I was thankful the cast held up. When I’d recovered myself, I walked right up to the Headmaster who lifted a thick file folder off the podium. He thrust it at me unable to shake my hand since that arm was in the sling. I accepted the folder with a bow and headed off toward the left wing where I’d been shown to go during the one rehearsal we had only minutes before the ceremony itself.     “You curious about what’s in there Tom?” Larry’s voice came from beside the door that lead outside. He held up the duffel bag I’d packed before being dragged to the rehearsal and ceremony.     “I already know what’s there, I don’t need to look.” I replied, securing the folder in my sling before hefting the weight of my bag on my left shoulder. “You shouldn’t care anyway, I’m not really your concern anymore.”     “I’ve heard that one before, many times.” Larry made sense for once, which was out of character for him. “You’re the first Torn Faded Shadow in quite a while, I never expected you to take a hit like you did.” Larry pushed open the door, holding it for me. “Still, I’ll bet you want to know all the details of your service record.”     “I performed my duties, no one should ever expect less of me. I shouldn’t be taking this walk, but I am, and I know why without opening this folder.” I stepped out the door and stopped, waiting for Larry to close it.     Larry stood frozen, a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead as my words sunk in. Something really bothered him, and I knew what it was, but neither of us would say so to the other. After a moment, he snapped out of his daze and shook his head. “Well, I guess I should say best of luck to you.” He finally closed the door without another word.     “Only if you suffer dearly for killing my parents.” I said in a whisper as I turned away and began to walk down the street.     I walked, heading in no particular direction, but soon found myself heading down the familiar street toward Crystal’s house. I knew I promised to go back there, but I didn’t really feel like socializing with anyone, so I started to go past the house. I heard the storm door close gently behind me as I passed. The sound alone caused me to stop. I didn’t want to call attention to myself, but I didn’t want to be seen there either. As I took a step, I heard a familiar voice say my name.     “Tom?” It wasn’t Crystal, which relieved me. It was her mother instead. “You actually came back this way?”     I turned around slowly, keeping my head low. I fumbled with my duffel bag, finally getting a smaller plain brown paper wrapped package. “These belong here, thanks for letting me borrow them.” I handed it up the steps to Janice. “I can’t stay long, in fact I should be going.” I turned to go quietly.     “Is something wrong? You’re not your usual self.” Janice asked, her concern very apparent. I stopped, but couldn’t bring myself to face her. “You know you’re always welcome here, and we’ll help you out no matter what the problem.”     “I kept my promise and returned, but I have to work out some things on my own for a while, so I don’t think I’ll be by again soon.” I said in a muted tone as I began to walk away.     “Please wait for a little bit. I have to get the things you left here.” Janice spoke with insistence, so I stopped again. “I’ll be right back.”     I stood waiting, not really sure why exactly, but I waited all the same. It wasn’t long until I heard the door creak open again softly. The sounds of footsteps across the wood porch came and there was an awkward silence which told me it wasn’t Janice standing behind me. I closed my eyes, since my head was already hung low, and my back turned to her. Crystal couldn’t see my subtle action, but I think she felt it. I heard a heavy sigh before I felt the hand set itself on my shoulder. I was already nervous, but that made me tense up.     “Mom told me to bring this out to you.” Crystal said in a tone I’d never heard her use before. “She’s worried about you.”     “Thanks,” I took the bundle, and got it into my bag with some difficulty, and a lot of luck. “I’ll be fine after I do some thinking.”     “I’m worried about you too.” Crystal said, keeping her hand where it was. “Your parents are dead, so where are you planning to go?”     “I haven’t figured that out yet.” My reply was underwhelming. “I need some time alone to figure out what I should do next.” I gently removed the hand from my shoulder and started to walk away.     “You don’t have to do it alone.” Crystal said.     I turned around and looked her in the eyes. I knew from her startled reaction, the level of sorrow and uncertainty in mine was very strong. “I can’t get anyone involved right now. There is one last thing I have to take care of with the Program before I’m truly free.” My tone was sharp, bitter.     “Why? What is so important that-?” Crystal began, but I cut her off.     “They killed my parents!” I blurted. “Are you happy now that you know?” I demanded.     “Oh my. . .I’m so sorry.” Crystal’s hushed tone told me more that she realized about how she felt.     “Don’t do that to yourself on my account, I’m not worth the trouble.” I said in a quieter voice. “I’ll let you help me after I get the answers I need.”     “Is that a promise?” Crystal asked more seriously than the lighthearted tone she used.     “You bet.” My simple, casual reply hid the depth of my uncertainty. I knew I couldn’t promise to be there, but I didn’t want to make Crystal worry any more than I already did many times.     “And you’ll come by every week until you find out what you need to know?” Crystal asked insistently.     “I’ll certainly try.” I offered, which was all the truth I could get myself to say.     “Good, I’ll hold you to your promise.” Crystal said after giving the matter some thought.     Crystal stood for a long time, just looking at me. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t bring myself to move either. Both of us remained as still as statues, not wanting to be the first to leave the other looking on after. I don’t think either of us expected what came next, but then again who would? Crystal took the few steps toward me. In a quick motion, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Be careful.” She whispered before turning around and going back inside.     “I’ll do my best.” I spoke to myself and began to walk up the street toward the rest of my destiny. Epilogue:     I kept my promise, showing up every Saturday around lunchtime, staying for a couple hours to get caught up on things. The first few weeks, I showed up bruised and very beaten, but no one asked about it, probably assuming it had to do with those answers I sought. They would have been correct in making that assumption, but it was nice to not have to make up things to put their minds at ease. Crystal insisted on treating the wounds every time, so I let her do that much, there is no greater feeling than knowing someone cares enough about you to do that, even when some of the cuts were deep and rather gruesome.     The sixth week I showed up early, with good news. I had found the answers I needed to move on with my life and was ready to let Crystal and her family help me in whatever ways they could. I know that took a lot of stress off of everyone’s shoulders, and they appreciated my keeping my promise to them. What I didn’t tell them, what they would never find out, was the reason I was so bloodied in the previous weeks. In that time, I had taken out so much of the Program that it literally collapsed on itself. I have only told few people about that in detail, and don’t care to get into it now.     Crystal and I talked a lot in school, she actually helped me make up the work I missed in my absence. The situation changed me quite a bit. I learned to trust again, which was a trait I needed after all. Crystal told me once that she learned something about herself too, she said that she learned how to really care for someone. That’s all you’re going to get from me on my life, it’ll have to be enough. finé

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