Part Two:
Chapter Two:
I sat in the large mostly empty hall along with the few others who were being decommissioned in the same ceremony. We were all uncomfortable, I more that any of the others. I sat stiffly watching the stage where the Headmaster and several instructors sat. Noticeably absent was my own instructor. I figured he didn’t have the answer, or he didn’t like the one he found, either way he couldn’t bring himself to face me like he promised. One of the others sitting near me glanced back at me with a subdued look, I just casually shook my head once, indicating silently I wasn’t in the mood to do or say anything beyond what was expected at the ceremony. His semi-worried expression was hollow compared to what I was experiencing.
The Headmaster got up and walked over to the podium slowly. He gazed out at the mostly empty house, focusing his eyes on each of the Protectors seated there in turn. He cleared his throat before beginning the customary speech that such a ceremony required. His tone was solemn and formal as he spoke.
“We are here today to honor those who have served their positions well by releasing them from their obligations, and setting them free.” The Headmaster said. “It is my privilege to send them off with high honors, and the gratitude of the many charges who have benefited from the services of the Protectors.”
I tuned out most of the speech, not wanting to hear a sugar coated fantasy that was one man’s ideal of what the Program represented. They’d lied to me so many times, I was to the point I could block out most of them without even thinking about it. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, turning my eyes from point to point in the room, not really focusing on anything in particular. My attention was returned to the front when I heard the Headmaster begin the final steps of the Decomm Ceremony.
“This Decommissioning is probably the shortest on record,” The Headmaster spoke sternly. “We have only seven Protectors going the way of the Faded Shadow, and one among you is also a Torn Shadow.” The man’s eyes fell right on me, my right arm properly in a cast and in a sling, making it obvious to all the others who he meant. “I will start the role with that name. Tom Harris, please step forward.”
I got up and walked toward the stage, a slight limp from the wrappings on my leg and my refusal to use crutches. I took a quick leap over the short set of steps, landing on the stage with a loud thud. In my mind I was thankful the cast held up. When I’d recovered myself, I walked right up to the Headmaster who lifted a thick file folder off the podium. He thrust it at me unable to shake my hand since that arm was in the sling. I accepted the folder with a bow and headed off toward the left wing where I’d been shown to go during the one rehearsal we had only minutes before the ceremony itself.
“You curious about what’s in there Tom?” Larry’s voice came from beside the door that lead outside. He held up the duffel bag I’d packed before being dragged to the rehearsal and ceremony.
“I already know what’s there, I don’t need to look.” I replied, securing the folder in my sling before hefting the weight of my bag on my left shoulder. “You shouldn’t care anyway, I’m not really your concern anymore.”
“I’ve heard that one before, many times.” Larry made sense for once, which was out of character for him. “You’re the first Torn Faded Shadow in quite a while, I never expected you to take a hit like you did.” Larry pushed open the door, holding it for me. “Still, I’ll bet you want to know all the details of your service record.”
“I performed my duties, no one should ever expect less of me. I shouldn’t be taking this walk, but I am, and I know why without opening this folder.” I stepped out the door and stopped, waiting for Larry to close it.
Larry stood frozen, a bead of sweat dripped down his forehead as my words sunk in. Something really bothered him, and I knew what it was, but neither of us would say so to the other. After a moment, he snapped out of his daze and shook his head. “Well, I guess I should say best of luck to you.” He finally closed the door without another word.
“Only if you suffer dearly for killing my parents.” I said in a whisper as I turned away and began to walk down the street.
I walked, heading in no particular direction, but soon found myself heading down the familiar street toward Crystal’s house. I knew I promised to go back there, but I didn’t really feel like socializing with anyone, so I started to go past the house. I heard the storm door close gently behind me as I passed. The sound alone caused me to stop. I didn’t want to call attention to myself, but I didn’t want to be seen there either. As I took a step, I heard a familiar voice say my name.
“Tom?” It wasn’t Crystal, which relieved me. It was her mother instead. “You actually came back this way?”
I turned around slowly, keeping my head low. I fumbled with my duffel bag, finally getting a smaller plain brown paper wrapped package. “These belong here, thanks for letting me borrow them.” I handed it up the steps to Janice. “I can’t stay long, in fact I should be going.” I turned to go quietly.
“Is something wrong? You’re not your usual self.” Janice asked, her concern very apparent. I stopped, but couldn’t bring myself to face her. “You know you’re always welcome here, and we’ll help you out no matter what the problem.”
“I kept my promise and returned, but I have to work out some things on my own for a while, so I don’t think I’ll be by again soon.” I said in a muted tone as I began to walk away.
“Please wait for a little bit. I have to get the things you left here.” Janice spoke with insistence, so I stopped again. “I’ll be right back.”
I stood waiting, not really sure why exactly, but I waited all the same. It wasn’t long until I heard the door creak open again softly. The sounds of footsteps across the wood porch came and there was an awkward silence which told me it wasn’t Janice standing behind me. I closed my eyes, since my head was already hung low, and my back turned to her. Crystal couldn’t see my subtle action, but I think she felt it. I heard a heavy sigh before I felt the hand set itself on my shoulder. I was already nervous, but that made me tense up.
“Mom told me to bring this out to you.” Crystal said in a tone I’d never heard her use before. “She’s worried about you.”
“Thanks,” I took the bundle, and got it into my bag with some difficulty, and a lot of luck. “I’ll be fine after I do some thinking.”
“I’m worried about you too.” Crystal said, keeping her hand where it was. “Your parents are dead, so where are you planning to go?”
“I haven’t figured that out yet.” My reply was underwhelming. “I need some time alone to figure out what I should do next.” I gently removed the hand from my shoulder and started to walk away.
“You don’t have to do it alone.” Crystal said.
I turned around and looked her in the eyes. I knew from her startled reaction, the level of sorrow and uncertainty in mine was very strong. “I can’t get anyone involved right now. There is one last thing I have to take care of with the Program before I’m truly free.” My tone was sharp, bitter.
“Why? What is so important that-?” Crystal began, but I cut her off.
“They killed my parents!” I blurted. “Are you happy now that you know?” I demanded.
“Oh my. . .I’m so sorry.” Crystal’s hushed tone told me more that she realized about how she felt.
“Don’t do that to yourself on my account, I’m not worth the trouble.” I said in a quieter voice. “I’ll let you help me after I get the answers I need.”
“Is that a promise?” Crystal asked more seriously than the lighthearted tone she used.
“You bet.” My simple, casual reply hid the depth of my uncertainty. I knew I couldn’t promise to be there, but I didn’t want to make Crystal worry any more than I already did many times.
“And you’ll come by every week until you find out what you need to know?” Crystal asked insistently.
“I’ll certainly try.” I offered, which was all the truth I could get myself to say.
“Good, I’ll hold you to your promise.” Crystal said after giving the matter some thought.
Crystal stood for a long time, just looking at me. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t bring myself to move either. Both of us remained as still as statues, not wanting to be the first to leave the other looking on after. I don’t think either of us expected what came next, but then again who would? Crystal took the few steps toward me. In a quick motion, she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Be careful.” She whispered before turning around and going back inside.
“I’ll do my best.” I spoke to myself and began to walk up the street toward the rest of my destiny.
Epilogue:
I kept my promise, showing up every Saturday around lunchtime, staying for a couple hours to get caught up on things. The first few weeks, I showed up bruised and very beaten, but no one asked about it, probably assuming it had to do with those answers I sought. They would have been correct in making that assumption, but it was nice to not have to make up things to put their minds at ease. Crystal insisted on treating the wounds every time, so I let her do that much, there is no greater feeling than knowing someone cares enough about you to do that, even when some of the cuts were deep and rather gruesome.
The sixth week I showed up early, with good news. I had found the answers I needed to move on with my life and was ready to let Crystal and her family help me in whatever ways they could. I know that took a lot of stress off of everyone’s shoulders, and they appreciated my keeping my promise to them. What I didn’t tell them, what they would never find out, was the reason I was so bloodied in the previous weeks. In that time, I had taken out so much of the Program that it literally collapsed on itself. I have only told few people about that in detail, and don’t care to get into it now.
Crystal and I talked a lot in school, she actually helped me make up the work I missed in my absence. The situation changed me quite a bit. I learned to trust again, which was a trait I needed after all. Crystal told me once that she learned something about herself too, she said that she learned how to really care for someone. That’s all you’re going to get from me on my life, it’ll have to be enough.
finé |
