myOtaku.com: CosmicSailor

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1981-01-09
Gender
• Male
Location
• on Gaea, gazing at the Mystic Moon
Member Since
• 2003-08-30
Occupation
• Don't Ask
Real Name
• Hal

Personal

Achievements
• None to speak highly of
Anime Fan Since
• Escaflowne aired on Fox.
Favorite Anime
• Escaflowne, Last Exile, InuYasha, Wolf's Rain, Rurouni Kenshin, Cowboy Bebop, and Full Metal Alchemist to name just a few.
Goals
• Learn to draw anime style pictures and to speak Japanese
Hobbies
• Anime, reading, writing, drawing, and music
Talents
• Special effects make-up

myOtaku.com: CosmicSailor

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Soapbox Moment

Yet again I find myself at a loss for positive words about who I am and what I do. I'm still hung up on my failures here, I guess I will be for a while, as every time I come back I'm reminded of them. I'm not normally the type of person who obsesses over such things, but this being more personal to me is different. I watched as pieces of who I am whithered and died from neglect, after I worked so hard to put the life into them. It was tough to see, and tough to accept. That's probably the main reason I'm still a little angry. All the efforts I put into my projects to get up here, and nothing was accepted. I'm angry at myself for the most part this time, because I expected a little too much of others(I'm learning not to rely on anyone anymore), and didn't anticipate enough obstacles while I prepared. It should have been obvious to me from the start that I would be facing an uphill battle especially with my artwork, I mean the site has a histoy of denying me my chance to display my artwork, and that alone should have told me something.

I kidded myself with the false hopes that this time would be different. This time would be my shining start to something far more, in my art, and in my mind. Besides the one request I've started, I haven't been able to concentrate on any kind of drawings at all, whether by computer or by hand. I just can't find it in me to focus and draw like I did before. Rejection for me is still hard even though I'm used to it. It never gets easier, don't let anyone fool you into thinking otherwise. I've relived some memories I didn't care to experience the first time, but that's what life is about isn't it? It's rough, but I guess someone has to be the community loser, guess I'm it here.

Well, I'd love to stay and continue my boring rants, but I don't think anyone either cares, or is listening. I'll go now, and be back soon, hopefully in a better mood than I'm in right now. I cna't promise the moon and stars on that, but I will try. Even us losers have to be somewhat professional about it. Not everyone can be so lucky as I am to be a loser. It must be destiny.

Anime Dreams of stars and songs in the muted grayscales of timelessness.

~Cosmicsailor
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