Sunday, July 17, 2011

Good Grief!
Hello everyone. How have you all been? My life has been pretty depressing this summer. I know I should be very happy, but I just can't be. I think my family is feeling it as well, and that makes me even more sad. Maybe if I vent I'll feel better.

Reasons I should be happy:
1. I finally graduated from the school that was a waste of time since there was no actual learning happening.
2. I received over $2000 for graduation.
3. I used my graduation money to buy every single electronic I've wanted for the past year (a laptop, a new IPOD, and A Graphing Calculator (I'm a nerd, and I'm going to be a math and physics major in college).
4. I just got back from an awesome cruise to Mexico with my parents.
5. I've got a full scholarship to college.
6. My best friends are all going to the same college.
7. I will still have my easy job on campus.
8. I enjoy spending time with my family.


Things that make me sad:
1. My stepmom lost her job, because of my mom....
2. My dad was just in a wreck in his work's personal vehicle, and if he loses his job, how will we survive?
3. Being out of school sucks, wish I had made the deadline for summer school.
4. I'm worried about driving 2 hours for a 'party' with my friends.
5. Even though I'm 18, My parents make me feel guilty about staying out later than 10 pm with my friends.
6. I don't like hanging out with some of my friends as much as I did in High School. They always invite me to things, and unless it's certain people that ask, I make up excuses, and turn them down.
7. My sister's doctors took 12 years to realize she had autism, and it took her almost being expelled from school for them to realize.
8. My sister likes to sneak out in the middle of the night to meet guys, and she's only 12. She has no impulse control due to her autism, and so she doesn't realize the consequences till afterwards.
9. My brother that is like my best friend is becoming a jerk, and I don't think he realizes it, or just doesn't care.
10. My real mom is off the map, and so she's probably on drugs again.
11. My stepmom keeps pointing out my flaws.

Well, I feel a little better seeing it all spelled out in front of me, but I think it will take a lot more good news to make me feel like my old self again.

I had a dream about my mom last night, I was so scared that it woke me up, and the only thing to be afraid of is my mom. She's not someone you want to mess with unprepared. I thought I was over my fear of my mom, but apparently it's only if I completely change who I am and go into jerk mode and treat her how she treats her mom. which isn't very well. Anyways, in this dream I was at this weird bible school thing with some other students in like some school library. I was in the middle of working on something with them, when they give me a strange look, and I all of a sudden feel arms wrap around me. I pull away, and turn around to see my mom. I tell her she's not supposed to be here, and then she walks away. I excuse myself from the group, and then walk up to her sitting at a table with a book and paper. She's doing homework maybe? I ask her what she's doing there, and all she does is ask me a question about finances. I give her a strange look then told her to let me see the question. I read it, and don't know the answer, and so I told her I don't know the answer, and that she should know I only used to study her accounting books for fun when I was younger. Then she said, So you only have an answer when it's someone else. That's where I woke up. Weird. I may not know where my mom is, but she keeps trying to contact me.


Well I hope everyone else is doing well. bye.
Comments (1)