Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Srry!!
I'm sorry, but this stUpid dsl won't let me see practically ANY pictures!! All I see is that stupid little red X in the white box! I HATE THIS DSL! -.- my dad can't fix it until he gets home, an this thing is so damn confusing!! DX i hate it!! (we have verison dsl btw)
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TT^TT
Not that anyone cares right now, but I'm completely depressed and feel like crying. But like usual, I don't know how. Usually when I cry, I have to force it, and only one single tear comes out. I can never let my feelings out into the real world. No one would ever understand. Never. That's why all my true feelings are almost always bottled up inside my head, never dissapating. Maybe that's why, when I laugh, I cry at the same time. That way no one ever really knows I'm a pain. No one does. That's what makes me alone, it seems nothing can show them what's really happening with my life. That's why all my friends have drifted apart from me. That's why I'm always ignored during the summer, spring break, winter breaks, weekends, everything. I'm completely cut off from all my "friends" unless I go and talk to them. Do you know how depressing that is? My whole world is a complete lie and no one in (physical) contact with me cares if I'm even there. Even in my own house, I'm looked down upon. If I ask a really obvious question that isn't obvious to ME, they look at me like I'm retarded. If I screw up on something, they practically throw daggers at me! All of them just don't get me! None of them! If I have a mental breakdown, and my parents see it, they don't exactly CARE. They think I'm having a "temper tantrum" and that I need to grow up. They even tell me to grow up! They tell me to stop crying and being whiney and get my work done! How can they never see it?! How can they be so oblivious to the fact that I'm lost in darkness?! I mean, come on, they've rarely seen me cry or even say "ow" so how in God's name can they think that me literally on the ground in a fetal position crying is NORMAL!?!? NO ONE EVER SEES ANY OF MY SORROW!! THEY THINK EVERYTHING IS FINE AND THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG! EVERYONE BELIEVES THE FAKE SMILE AND LAUGH I PUT ON EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE AND THEY CAN'T SEE IT! NO ONE EVER SEES IT! NOT EVEN MY ONLY BLOOD RELATIVE, MY BROTHER! AND THAT'S NOT EVEN "BLOOD RELATIVE!" HE'S GENETICALLY ONLY MY HALF BROTHER, AND I HAVE NO ONE IN THIS WORLD I CAN CALL A REAL "FAMILY"!! MY BIRTH MOM LEFT ME WITH THE PARENTS I HAVE RIGHT NOW, AND THEY SUCK AT THE JOB! I'M SITTING HERE BROKEN INTO A MILLION PIECES AND ARE TOO BLIND TO SEE IT! I HAVE NO BLOOD RELATIVES, AND THE WOMAN THAT GAVE BIRTH TO ME DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME. SHE WENT OFF AND MADE A FAMILY, NEVER WONDERING WHAT HAPPENED TO ME NOR MY LITTLE BROTHER. SHE'S OUT THERE, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE. EVERY ASPECT OF THIS DAMNED LIFE IS A COMPLETE LIE AND I HATE IT SO MUCH! I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE IN THIS WORLD! I WISH I COULD JUST DISAPPEAR OFF THE FACE OF THIS LIVING HELL AND NEVER RETURN! I KNOW I'M NOT WELCOME HERE, BY NEITHER HUMAN, ANIMAL, OR EVEN GOD! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST DIE RIGHT NOW AND GET IT OVER WITH SINCE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE! I HIGHLY DOUBT I'M EVEN HUMAN OR EVEN ANY KIND OF ANIMAL! I'M JUST SOME BROKEN SOUL WITH A LITTLE PUPPET THAT I CAN MOVE AT MY WILL. I DON'T FEEL I'M EVEN LIVING ANYMORE! I FEEL AS IF I'M JUST SOME SPECTATOR OF SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE, SINCE I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO LIVE IN FIRST-PERSON! AND EVERYDAY I'M ASKED IF I'M EXCITED TO GO TO JAPAN, ALLS I CAN DO IS SHRUG BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE REAL EMOTIONS LEFT OTHER THAN DESPAIR. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I FEEL THAT "GOING TO JAPAN" WILL NEVER HAPPEN. I FEEL I'LL SOMEHOW JUST DROP DEAD BEFORE ANYTHING CAN MAKE ME TRULY REACH MY DREAMS! DAYS GO BY AND I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT JUST KILLING MYSELF, OR WANTING TO DIE IN SOME HORRIBLE ACCIDENT! I CAN'T STOP MYSELF FROM GETTING THE URGE TO JUST RUNAWAY FOREVER! EVEN IF THAT MEANS I HAVE TO DESTROY MY HEART ON THE WAY! EVEN IF THAT MEANS I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ONLY PERSON THAT I TRULY CARE FOR! EVEN IF I HAVE TO LEAVE THE THINGS THAT SAVED ME FROM ALL THIS FOR SUCH A LONG TIME! I JUST WANT TO RUNAWAY FOR GOOD AND NEVER RETURN, LEAVING THIS AS MY FINAL TESTAMENT OF MY ACTUAL FEELINGS! TO LEAVE, TO FIND A PURPOSE OF LIVING, TO FIND EMOTIONS, TO FIND UNDERSTANDING, TO FIND A FAMILY, THOSE ARE MY REAL DREAMS! THOSE FAKE ONES I SAY..."I WANT TO BE AN AUTHOR!" "I'M GOING TO BE A GREAT MANGA-KA SOME DAY!" THEY'RE ALL LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIEEEEESSSS!!! LIES! THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, THE CLOSER I GET TO JUST DISAPPEARING FROM EVERYONE'S LIVES FOREVER!!!!!!

~She who has no real soul~
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   GAH! DAMN DSL!
We just got our dsl installed, and right now i completely hate it! First of all, the look of it sux! I likd aol's look WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better!!!! And also, unlik the dial-up, i somehow can't see PRACTICALLY ANY OF THE PICTURES ON HERE!!!! It's so fu*king stupid!!!! All i see is that damn little red X !!!! DAMN THIS DSL!!!! I UBERLY HATE IT!!! I RATHER HAVE A SLOW AOL AND CAN SEE EVERYTHING I WANT TO SEE, THAN HAVE EFFING FAST INTERNET AND NOT BE ABLE TO SEE ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn them!!

~Ai-chan
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Monday, June 18, 2007

   HERE'S TO THEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You!
Hosted By theOtaku.com.

^.^ this is the thank you picture for all my friends ! I hope you guys will check it out!
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The Contest
Okay, thanx to Homsar88, WavesChan, KungPowChicken, and (?)i.luv.kiba, my contest is really going somewhere! I must thank you all with an uber-special picture! ^_^ I'm going to start working on it right after I'm finished with drawing K.P.C's OC Chibi for her contest. ^_^ okay, so here's the ppl that are in the contest:!

Homsar88 --> http://fanart.theotaku.com/view.php?action=retrieve&id=197288
KungPowChicken --> http://fanart.theotaku.com/view.php?action=retrieve&id=200485
Tokai
Elric330
Sora Hanaki
TMMChica (?)
Charlie Manson

If you wish to enter, just PM me! It ends June 30th, though can be extended up to July 13th, cuz I'm going somewhere the 15th-28th. And one of the biggest rules, don't hate me, but all computer colorers are banned except for MS paint. Deal with it if you can't. Oh, well, darn i just forgot! I'll repost the rules and stuff soon, BTW ! Just in case!

~Ai-chan
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Sunday, June 17, 2007

   !!
First of all, sorry i haven't been here the last three days... ^^' I went camping with my family, and well, yeah. No computer. But i DID get to go fishing... 8D an i caught two trout! yay!!

Anyway, thnk you ! I'm really happy that you guys (girls...hahaa) comment when i post! ^_^ It makes me feel really happy that I'm one here. During the week, I had made a special drawing which is colord really awesomeness cuz of priestesspower444's tutoirial, and is a thank you for you guys ! I'm posting it up soon, and I hope youll lik it! ^_^

An one last thing, i need some help. My contest AND KungPowChicken's contest aren't doing...well...i guess not good. They end June 30th, an if ppl are interested just PM us an stuf. Bak to the help...could (man this sounds selfish) ppls mayb help spread them around...? >.< I'm bad with that kind of stuf cuz of the problem I only kno so many ppl. Any help would be appreicated.

^_^ No matter what, if you choose to help with that or not, you'll definitely still be my friends!

~Ai-chan
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Friday, June 15, 2007

B-DAY!
I'm posting this around 11:30 at night, so it might come up as June 15th, oh well. Well, today, June 14th, was my golden birhtday! ^_^ I turned 14!!! Of course, I didnt get very many presents for my mom and dad need money to give me for going to Japan, but I got some really awesome things! Lik necklaces and money, but only two things stood out above everything else!!! First, Ja-san came over at 7:40 in the morning!! o.O it's like he seriously slept ovr or something! -_-then at 8:10 (wen I was actually born) him and my brother startd singing happy birthday! grr... ^_^ but it was realy fun evn tho he beat me at both pingpong AND pool...w/e. I was....er....DISTRACTED lets say. anyway, yeah. he only got to be ovr til 1:30, but it was still awsome ! (and it STILL feels I have a boyfriend ._. [tho it still feels soo good to at least seem to have one!]) But another thing that was just UBER UBER UBER great, was I FINALLY GOT A CELLPHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And not just ANY cellphone....but a motorola....KRAZER!! A FREAKING KRAZER!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! ITS SOOOO SHINY AND AWESOME!!!!!! ^_^ I'm sooo hapy ! Hope ppl have/had a good day !
~Ai-chan
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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

In Love With The New Sensei (ILWTNS) Part 1 Say Hello to Your New Teacher
AIYAMA
~~~~~~I walked through the streets of Konoha, totally invisible to everyone there. They all see me as just another, normal junior ninja, wrong. I had become a jounin only a year ago but I make friends and enemies quickly. That’s because of this weird inescapable desire to annoy the crap out of everyone, even people stronger than me, which are few and far between.
~~~~~~My one and only, not-wanting-to-kill-me, friend is Kakashi Hatake. I guess you could say that we both annoy people, him less than me. He’s always late, but no one is ever able to push my buttons other than my know-it-all older sister. I can be in the company of the most annoying person in the world, but it never bugs me. It’s like I have this gigantic button in my brain that is exclusively reserved for my older sis, which she presses often, making me want to strangle her, or just tear her over-inflated head off.
~~~~~~You could say that I hate the color pink, even though it’s my natural hair color. Well, I don’t really hate it but I dye my hair different colors anyways. Some people do look at me funny, but that’s because I love wearing strange clothes. And I can’t forget I dyed my short, spiky hair a neon orange today. Today’s the day I become a sensei, well, for at least a little while. I have to train cell number seven until Kakashi gets back from a mission that was assigned to him. All I know is that he told me that there was the Uchiha on his team, nothing else, which, isn’t very helpful.
~~~~~~I kept walking through the street to see more and more people staring at my dark blue miniskirt, which thankfully I put on super-short shorts under it, and my favorite pair or steel-infused fishnet stockings, another bright orange. Or maybe they were staring at the crimson red bikini top I was wearing under a nice jacket splattered with dark green camouflage. Yeah, I think that one was it, because it was all these teenage guys staring at me.
~~~~~~Coming to the entrance I stopped to run over what Kakashi told me to tell his team—okay, so I spaced out when he was telling me everything—big deal. I shrugged my shoulder and walked out into the forest. I’ve never really thought about the forest, but I usually never think about anything except what I need to do, though I forget that too, a lot. This photographic memory thing I have is pretty cool, except the little curse on it that makes me randomly forget something I was just about say. And no matter how hard I try, I never can remember what I was going to say. Which, in its self, is also kind of a gift, because since people know I forget a lot, I can skip saying something I don’t want to say by just saying, ‘I forgot’, even if I didn’t.
~~~~~~As I came onto a clearing I’ve never seen, I try to think of whom it could be that was on Kakashi’s team other than the Uchiha. Thinking hard, I remember a little tidbit of his long speech, he said something about a super-hyperactive kid that can be totally clueless and annoying. You could say that was exactly like me, except the ‘clueless’ part. If I had any money, I’d bet all of it on Kakashi always, at least, being an hour late for the training with these kids.
~~~~~~I walked casually into the smallish clearing to here some kids talking to each other, or at least it looked like they were talking to each other. A pink-haired girl whacked a shorter kid in orange over the head and yelled at him. I could recognize that hair from anywhere—Sakura. Smiling evilly, I walked more into the clearing, but neither the blonde kid, nor Sakura noticed me—only a raven-haired guy who had the ‘I-don’t-care-about-anything’ look. He was staring right at me. I should announce myself before he spoils my fun; he looks like that kind of person.
~~~~~~“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late!” I yelled to them, which made them turn around to me. Sakura went a chalk white when she saw me, but didn’t say anything. She hates that I’m stronger than her.
~~~~~~“Who are you and what are you doing here?” came the voice of the mellow kid in blue. Now I see that he’s the Uchiha, but I at least thought he’d be much cuter. He also has the stupid, ‘cool-person’ mellow in his voice, which disgusts me on one of my highest levels, right under the voice of a know-it-all.
~~~~~~“You mean Kakashi didn’t tell you?” I said back and he didn’t say anything. Rubbing my temples, I muttered to myself, “Does he always have to leave me with all the explanations?”
~~~~~~“What didn’t Kakashi tell us?!” came the blonde kid’s whiny sounding voice, it actually suited him. He, in my opinion, was much cuter than the Uchiha, must be the hyperactive kid Kakashi was talking about when I zoned on him. That, and when he told me I got to be Sakura’s sensei—if he ever did.
~~~~~~I showed him a kind of happy face, “I’m your new sensei!” The boy looked at me all clueless and confused; he looked even cuter that way.
~~~~~~“What?! We don’t need a new sensei! We already have one! And you don’t look any older than me!”
~~~~~~I showed him a mockingly happy smile, just like the one Kakashi always gave people when they’re annoyed by him. Since we hung out a lot, I guess I picked it up as another one of my little annoyances as well. It always works like a charm to make someone mad. “Yes, you do, because Kakashi went on a mission and isn’t coming back for awhile. And no, I’m not any older than you guys; actually, I’m younger than all of you!!” Both the guys looked at least some-what surprised, but the hyperactive one, seemed more clueless than surprised.
~~~~~~“But—? Who are you?” Spiky Hair said, yeah, that’s what I’ll call him, well at least until I know his real name.
~~~~~~“I’m not telling you guys my name or anything about me until I know stuff about you,” I said annoyingly, wondering how much annoyance they can take. For Sakura, it’s not much to get her mad. Spiky Hair glared at me for a moment but then looked at least a little happy about telling me who he is—not that I care much, most boys are all the same, I’m gonna—blah, blah, blah, I will—blah, blah, blah, I like—blah, blah, blah, all the same.
~~~~~~“I’m Naruto Uzumaki,” he started, “The stuff…” I trailed him off, not wanting to become real bored, but he said stuff that made me listen with interest. “…ramen, plain or with miso, and playing pranks I guess…” Not a ton of stuff he likes, but I got to admit, I like the same exact stuff. “I hate when I have to wait the three minutes to eat the ramen…” Again, not a ton of stuff, but I don’t like that either, and I also don’t like that Uchiha kid, I can tell he doesn’t like him much either. “…and I’m gonna become the next Hokage and earn the respect of all the villagers.”
~~~~~~Wow, he’s a variety of colors, likes ramen and pranks, hates having to wait to eat the ramen he made, and wants to become the Hokage. I’m exactly the same except the ‘earning respect’ part, and becoming Hokage. I could have if I wanted to, but I just didn’t feel like it, though I won’t tell them that. “Okay, good, now you, Uchiha,” I said with boredom. “But first let me guess what you’re gonna say, ‘I am an avenger,’ right? Let me predict more of your boring story so I don’t have to listen to it. ‘I hate everything but like nothing,’ oh, and I can’t forget your stupid dramatic finale, ‘I have promised to kill someone.’ Or whatever, something like that. But I don’t care, no one cares, stop being a drama queen. And yes I called you a DRAMA QUEEN.”
~~~~~~Spiky Hair—I mean—Naruto stared at me in surprise at my huge dislike of the Uchiha, but I could see he liked that. Sakura looked like she couldn’t hold back anymore anger, like her huge head could deflate at any moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did—I just dissed the guy she likes—I can see it on her face. That must why she hit Spiky Hair—god—I mean Naruto. I guess he’s stuck with that nickname from me. It’s already tattooed on my brain. Aanywayy, that must be why she hit him, ‘cause he said something bad about Uchiha, or whatever.
~~~~~~Sakura started walking up to me but I just smiled mockingly. “You know you can’t beat me Sakura!” I said but she just kept walking toward me.
~~~~~~“At least I can try!!” she yelled and she ran at me like she was gonna strangle my life out.
~~~~~~I jumped over her, turned around, pulled my right, bottom eye lid down, and stuck out my tongue. “Haha! You can’t catch me! You can’t catch me!” I yell at her as I jump and dodge her every move. Landing on the ground near the edge of the clearing, twenty feet away from the now-panting Sakura, I looked over to Spiky Hair—Naruto—and Uchiha—I still don’t know his first name. They both looked at me, confused and clueless.
~~~~~~How they couldn’t see it—I have no idea—maybe they’re both dumb or something, so I walked over to them to finally tell them who I was—not that it mattered—I like seeing people confused—but I like my friends, enemies, and people I hate—to know my name. I have only one friend that doesn’t get totally annoyed when I’m being annoying. So I pretty much have only one friend. And I can’t forget my oodles of annoyance-loving enemies.
~~~~~~“I bet you guys are really confused!” I say showing a happily annoying face, my own creation…or was it Kakashi’s creation? I guess it doesn’t matter.
~~~~~~“What do you think?! First, we don’t know who you are, and second, Sakura’s been chasing you around like an annoying little twerp!! YOU THINK WE’RE CONFUSED?!” Naruto said as he glared at me—I still don’t care much.
~~~~~~“Well, Spiky Hair, I think you are totally clueless, and I think Uchiha is a completely hopeless drama queen. My name’s Aiyama Haruno. There, you know me. Also, I like letting her chase me around, she thinks I’m completely annoying, but that can be expected, ‘cause she’s my older sister.” After I was done talking, Spiky Hair just looked more confused, and Uchiha looked super mad—good—I annoy him.
~~~~~~“Okayy, but my name isn’t ‘Spiky Hair’ it’s Naruto.”
~~~~~~“Yeah, I know, but you’ll have to get used to it because when something is inside my brain, and I like it—you’re stuck with it. Even if you don’t like it.”
~~~~~~Naruto muttered something, but I couldn’t here what he said. “Fine…” He looked really annoyed, but didn’t say anything more. I hope he’s strong, but I can never get my hopes up about someone. Because I’m always wrong; I’m totally clueless to people’s feelings, unless it’s when they’re annoyed or mad. Only, for some reason, I feel it’s different with him; he just seems like an open book somehow.
~~~~~~Sakura walked over to us, not looking at all happy at the fact that I’m going to be her sensei for a long, torturous time. Even if it’s only like a week or something. That’s like my favorite word, ‘something’; I don’t know why, but it just kinda is. I also like my own little phrase I like saying, and it always annoys people. ‘Deal with it!’ that’s the phrase, and if I say it enough, it can drive anyone mad; even me, if someone else said it a lot.
~~~~~~Everyone went silent, except me. Actually, I did, I started spacing out, thinking about random and different things. I don’t think any of them noticed, but maybe Spiky Hair did. I reviewed what I said to make sure I didn’t say the same thing twice. I wasn’t sure what we were going to do for training, so I just thought some more. Soon I came up with the idea to test their skills; not Sakura’s, Uchiha’s and Spiky Hair’s. I’m full of plagiarized ideas, I just change them a little bit, just a smidge. Though I can’t remember where I got this idea, I might have actually thought it up myself. That’s a one in a million chance.


^_^ tell me wat you think of the first part !
~Ai-chan
Oh, an I'm srry about the ~ things before the start of a paragraph. -_- its just so you can see where the paragraph starts. Oh, an can someone tell me how to do underline, bold, and italics without making the WHOLE THING that? ^_^;; cuz i dnt kno how not to do that.

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Please read this !
Okay, I want to put up my stories on here... but I'm worried no one will read them. =\ I have The Unknown Family and In Love With The New Sensei, which are both Naruto fanfics. Both are PG-13 (nothing disgusting lik with some Yaoi [srry yaoi fans, its just I've read only a small portion od my friend's Sasunaru fic, and it scared me shitless]) and just have blood, swearing, and comedy. The Unknown Family is confusing, has almost no plot, and is finished. It's about 57pgs. Then theres In Love With The New Sensei (ILWTNS) which goes completely with th Naruto storyline (sort of) has a plot line, is not confusing, is not finished, and is on to its 107th page. I wish to know if ppl would actually read the story(s) if I put them on here. Plz, may i know what you think ?
~Ai-chan
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Sunday, June 10, 2007

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We went to GGC (arcade placce) aftr 8th grade promotions, (YAY! I'M A FRESHMAN NOW!!) an it was totally awesome!!! ._. it was sooo kool near the end of being there (around 11pm) cuz i challenged Ja-san to DDR (evryone knos wat that it right?) an he VERY INDIRECTLY askd me aftr we played if we could do some REAL dancing ! (there was a dance floor there too) and OF COURSE i said yes! SO HAPPY!! TT^TT sadly it was too late, cuz stUpid grown ups were taking everything down. Dx then i feel really guilty, cuz my mom shooed me into the car to go home before I could tell him bye.... T_T .....but i still lov that he asked !! ^_^ For me, its the thought that counts ! besides, I get to see him once again before the start of summr, cuz im going to Oaks Park with most of the rest of the 8th grade! ^_^ Including him. (I'll just say it right now, I live in the Portland-Sandy-Boring, Oregon area ok?) But i dnt hav to miss him ovr the summr! ^_^ I hav his # he has mine (coincidenally our moms were working together on our 8th grade graduation together an exchanged numbers) and we hav each others' address !! ^_^ he's already been to my house once, an hes going to come over during the summr too!! ^_____________^ I'm soooooooooooooooo happy about it !!!!! ._. but one thing thats really weird is it feels lik we're bf/gf as soon as he askd me to dance with him. O.O it really freaks me out. I mean, neither of us hav evr dated (YAY!) or have ever kissed anyone othr than family (DOUBLE YAY!) and were awesome friends! (QUADRUPLE YAY!!!!!!!) its just soooooooooo weird!!! :\ I uber wonder wat hes thinking about right now.... :D at my 8th promotion, we had to wear fancy stuf (of course i didnt wear a dress cuz i dislik them), and Ja-san lookd soooo good! ^_^ it was sooooo kool ! he seriously complimented me! an i complimented him too! (th only guy i complimented!) xD Justin lookd lik a effing tourist! but it was sooo cute. XDDDD you could totally pick him out of a crowd there! but seriuosly, WTF was with all the popular girls wearing SUCH LOW CUT DRESSES??!?!?!?! I mean, WTF! We're only freshmen now! seriuosly....
xD it was sooooooo funny a day befor the promotions, Ja-san sat with me and Acacia in LA instead with his normal friends (sumtimes he sits with the popular guys, sumtimes the popular girls, or just by himself). Megan kept trying to get him over with her and his othr friends, but he totally wouldnt go! ^_^ she started semi-yelling at him, but he didnt seem to care. She evn startd saying that she hated him an they werent friends anymore. -_- which of course that was totally uncalled for. just cuz he wants to hang out with someone else for once, does someone really need to do that?
xD wow. this thing it FREAKING LONG! ^_^ well, i really hadnt updated much tho, hav i? o_0 it still kinda scares me that i feel i hav a bf now.... wat do you guys think??
oi, anyone else wanna join my contest? ^_^;;;; i wish to have more than just a few ppl....an if you WANT to be in it, but right now u just dnt hav the time, i can grant you extended time for it. ^_^ okays?
~Ai-chan
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