Saturday, July 7, 2012

Twilight- I am so sorry to hear about your dog getting put down :( that's probably the toughest part about having a pet.

We've named the dog Indy (after Indiana Jones) he is a 2yr old german shepherd/beagle mix. Dunno for sure because he was picked up as a stray. He's been very well behaved (I think he wants us to like him, lol) --and having him is making me realize just how outta shape I am! We don't have a backyard so he's gotta go out at least 4 times a day to prevent any accidents from happening. (which I am hating in this weather. It's like there's no point to washing clothes or taking showers because 5min outside and I'll be drenched in sweat again) he seems genuinely happy. lol, now I've got 2 men in my life I get to worry over their happiness.

discussion of the week:
what are your thoughts on marriage? If there's no financial benefit, and you don't mind the "living in sin" part of it, is there really a need to get marriage officialized on paper? Truth is, if Joe and I were to get married, nothing about our current lives would really change, so there's no incentive for him to ask. On the other hand I wonder if my desire to be asked is merely my female insecurity acting up that I just want that reassurance of his feelings for me and a reassurance that he wants to commit to me. Sense of further security I guess. One thing I need to work on: learning to trust that things will be alright down the road.

hope you're surviving the heat!!! and as always thank you so much for reading ^^ -Lute
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Sunday, June 24, 2012

went to an adoption fair (different rescue) came home with a pooch! He is a german shepherd beagle/mix and I love him :D he's scared of loud noises and even more terrified of... small children. He doesn't know what a tennis ball is, kinda afraid of that too when I held it up for him to sniff. But he's insanely polite around the place. I haven't gotten him to eat anything, not even treats, but I figure once his nerves settle, he'll eat.

I'm afraid he's not going to take to my leaving tomorrow to go to work very well. When Joe left this evening he started whining. And after an evening of multiple walks and hanging out, I am absolutely loving the fact that he's sooo attached to me already, just hoping he'll be ok with my going to work. (4 hr periods at a time tho) Anyone have tips regarding separation anxiety or nervous fears?

thanks!
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Saturday, June 23, 2012

well, with this rescue I've filled out the paperwork, did a 45minute phone interview, had them comes visit my place, and they've turned me down for a total of 4 dogs I was interested in, 1 of which I personally decided no.
1st dog - all set to go, on the morning I'm supposed to go get her they call me up, "umm, we decided she needs a doggie buddy so no"
2nd dog - (which they actually suggested first) email me, "uhh, another adopter put in an application first" followed by another email of, "needs a doggie buddy"
3rd dog - (which they suggested to me) got adopted out of the shelter
4th dog - I decided no after meeting because it didn't seem aware that I was there. I'd hold out my hand and it would just walk right past me to see someone else.
5th dog - looks all good, then nope! someone put an email inquiry in the day prior (so they're not even approved and haven't met the dog) and I'm thinking, "if this dog's not available... why'd you bring it into an adoption event today when the people you're holding it for aren't going to meet her until tomorrow?" and they're not even definites, I can take the dog NOW.

...I'm getting a little frustrated. I know it's a series of bad luck, it's just getting tough meeting/falling in love with a dog and they're going "yes yes yes" and when you say, "alright! I'm taking this one home" they go, "oh wait, um... no"

Anycase, I'm meeting another dog tomorrow. This one is a different rescue, but I'm hoping if I like him they'll put him on hold for me while I go through their adoption process (forms, interview, home visit). I've been keeping my eyes posted on craigslist, which isn't as successful as you'd think it be. They're all for larger pit bulls and puppies and dogs being held by rescues

ah well, but through this it's keeping me mentally stimulated like a quest, and I need to learn patience when searching and things that are meant to be and right to be will happen in their own time and will come naturally. (my zen outlook in trying to remain positive and squelch my frustrated impatience)

Replies to Last Post:
corn - I admire people who don't have tvs in their homes. I LOVE watching tv, or at least having it on in the background while I'm doing computer stuff, but it also seems sad how dependent we are on tv.

twilight samurai - SO GOOD to hear from you! (been awhile :) with Prometheus, I still can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing that they've linked it with the Alien movie. Because the whole time I was watching I was looking for the connections. I wonder if that in some way hindered the experience?? Because one thing I loved was the majority of alien-stuff was all things that we've never seen before. Aside from the sleep pods I felt it could have stood on its own as a sci-fi movie.
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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

hello everyone!
been awhile, but I'm not dead.

Job's been going really well. But I still feel like something's missing in my life. My mom says it's my female clock going off, but I don't want children. I've decided to go ahead with the search for a pet. Joe's finally given me a green light for a dog. (I thought a cat would be easier but he is adamantly against it). It'll be ok since I work 15min from home I can come home during lunch, Joe works from home on Tuesdays, and my office actually allows pets! So I was thinking I could try bringing it in on Fridays when most of my section is out teleworking anyway.
Trying to get a dog reminds me of job/college applications. There's all of these forms, phone interview, home inspection, and you go through that and are a great candidate, and then they call up and go, "no, you're not right for this dog..." it's been emotionally draining because I keep falling in love with a dog, getting my hopes up, but the rescue turns around at the last minute and says no. I'm keeping my eyes posted on the local shelters, but they don't have a particular type that I'm looking for. Currently I'm looking for a Boston Terrier mix. Seems like a small (but not too small) yet athletic dog, and the short fur is a plus. I'll let you guys know how that goes.

America's Got Talent has finished with their first round of auditions. I was actually getting sick of all the dance groups, there's some people I can't believe they let through, but I am going to be curious as to who's going to win.

The second season of Love in the Wild has started. (comes on right after AGT), they have a lot more social drama this time around, but the challenges aren't as good. I think they found more shallow people this time around so they're acting like a teen drama.

Saw Prometheus, really enjoyed it. Still wondering why 3d is so great, it didn't really enhance the film much and if anything made some parts blurry.

oh, and happy official start of summer! today is the longest day, every day after today is going to get progressively shorter, and progressively hotter

thanks for reading ^^ ~Lute
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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

hey guys! Sorry I haven't been around much.

Memorial Day weekend I went to a friend's lakehouse, did some art, canoed, got sunburned despite wearing sunblock, and on the way back on Monday Joe and I went to Kings Dominion where we got burned again and I got a purple monkey. Thankfully this purple monkey that I wanted you could just simply buy rather than win at one of those carnival games (I never win those and they're frustrating! lol) I thought about facebooking about my awesome weekend but decided it was too awesome to brag about. Although somehow I feel if there are no witnesses to my fabulous weekend it didn't happen... that or ppl on fb would hate me for bragging, and I'm just thinking, "umm... it's fb, that's what ppl do"

On Wednesday I drank wayyyy too much soju, and woke up thurs with a really bad chest pain/cough. Friday I had to take off and go to the doctors. Turns out it's a relapse of my bronchitis, got my chest xrayed for fun (came out clean) and I made the mistake of clue-ing in my mother to my sudden illness. I was calm, but she stressed and worried and panicked and started ordering me about I'm surprised I didn't develop a lung tumor from the stress.

Meanwhile my job's going great. Poor coworkers have been listening to my nose blowing and hack coughing. But aside from my snuffles the office is quiet, the work is straight forward and boring in a way that I love, there's no customers to pretend to be nice to, nobody yelling at me, ^^ yay data checking! I get to sit, I get to use the bathroom... I get to eat lunch! This is the best job and I've been cursing my sudden illness because I want to be the perfect employee

aaaaannddd, that's it for now! I'm sorry I haven't been around much, I hope you all are doing alright ^^ thank you for reading and visiting
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Thursday, May 24, 2012

Work's going great I'm really happy ^^ the commute's good, the coworkers are great, and they are explaining everything and I'm understanding and grasping the work easily. It's very tedious work, having lots and lots of reports that you have to go through and check numbers and do this and that. Probably would drive a lot of people crazy, but I enjoy this kind of work. It's simple, impressive when you get bulk done in a short amount of time, and no bitchy customers ^^ oh, and I get a real lunch break and am allowed to sit down! lol. Had daily migraines all week, gotta get back into the routine of staring at a computer screen all day.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Got a 3 day weekend, might be going to the lake, OR staying in and hauling a couch, chairs and a desk to the dump. If that's the case and I can't lift the couch, Joe's gonna ask his dad to come over and help, which means I'll have to run around cleaning this place up and hiding my unmentionables like laundry, underwear and stuffed animals.

As to the pet subject, Joe wants me to work for a few months and see if I still want one, and whether I can work it in with my schedule. As of the end of the first week, I still do, and I can definitely work one into my schedule ^^

alright, thanks for reading and ttyl! have great weekends!
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Friday, May 18, 2012

well, I decided against the chameleon. Although it would've been cool, truth is there are other pets I would much rather have, and I really want a pet that you can interact with more. I guess I got excited because it was the first pet suggestion Joe's actually been in favor of.

I start my new job on Monday! Surprisingly I'm not excited, if anything I'm getting a nervous sick feeling in my stomach. It's been so long since I've had a job, let alone one in an office, I'm so nervous about my physical ability to handle the hours and I'm afraid they're gonna ask me to do computer stuff that I'm not familiar with and as usual with any job, the first month is me looking like an idiot as I'm learning everything and asking the stupidest of questions.



Warning: the following is a rant about my mother. Feel free to skip.
I've also been getting really stressed over my mother. It's either "get a job" or if I got one then it's "that job's not good enough for you" and " you're not getting paid enough." Even this one, is in an office, double what my last job paid, it's a good spot, and she doesn't think it's good enough, and thinks I won't even be able to handle it. She went, "do you even know powerpoint?!?" and I'm like, "um, I did go to college, where I used that frequently..." -the job isn't even about that program! she doesn't know what she's talking about. I HATE how I crave her approval and want her friendship yet at every turn it's always how my hair isn't blonde enough, or styled enough, or cut just right, my clothes aren't good enough, my make-ups been done bad, my nails aren't painted, I'm not wearing enough jewelry, I'm sick of trying and I know I should just ignore her but somehow I still want that "attagirl!" as a result I've come to hate myself, have very low self confidence, I believe I'm ugly, I hate my hair, I hate my face, I hate my clothes, I hate my body, I believe I can't succeed, that, or there's no point in trying because no matter what I do will ever be good enough. I want desperately to move far far away. But I'm with Joe and I love him and don't want to leave him. That also means being stuck 5 minutes from her, and even though I don't see her everyday, she still texts and calls. It's gotten to a point where she doesn't even have to say anything, I just get ready to have dinner with her and I get all worked up and defensive because when I sit down I'm waiting for it, waiting for the criticism which NEVER fails to come, usually about my appearance. I've stopped trying, and do something on purpose just so I'll at least know what she's going to comment on so she doesn't hurt my feelings about something I thought she would actually like. Now the very thought of her just gets me riled up.
Then there's my mother's mother. I'll simplify and just say there's pure hatred there.
As a result, I've come to need constant reassurance. Joe's great at reassuring me -most of the time. He's very quiet so I never know what he's thinking. I wish if I was annoying or upsetting him he'd trust me enough to tell me so. Also his silence just ends up confirming my paranoias, which I don't know for sure but drives me crazy. I'm afraid I'm pushing him away with my need for reassurance. At the same time this might all be in my head. But I dunno, he won't say anything. He's less responsive to my touch and I don't know whether he's tired, stressed from work, or if it's me. And he won't say one way or the other. I guess unless he says something the best thing to do is assume it's ok. There's not much I could do otherwise

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Thanks for reading. If you read my rant, bless you. Although for your sake I kinda hope you skipped over it. I guess the sum-up is: how do you ignore your mother, and how do you get the courage to have faith and confidence in yourself? You all had really great comments on my last post, thank you so much ^^ my birthday's this weekend. Gonna be 25, and I couldn't be more unexcited.
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Monday, May 14, 2012

I took my mom and grandmother out to dinner for mother's day. It's amazing how stressed I get just sitting at the same table with them.

My slight weight gain has made me a frantic insecure freak. Considering I bought shorts a size up, and even those were tight, didn't help.

How do you get self-confidence? I seriously lack self-confidence, but having someone say, "you're great, be confident!" doesn't seem to help :/

I've been wanting a pet for awhile now. I want the companionship, and the responsibility, and I figure it will encourage me to get out and walk everyday, keep normal hours, and be more active. And being successful in taking care of something would give me more confidence and a sense of accomplishment. But Joe doesn't want any pets, and I can understand. They smell, leave dander, hopefully I'll be working soon and it's cruel to leave a dog for hours on end, and there's no where we can put a litter box that wouldn't smell up the place for a cat. There are some ferrets at the shelter, when you're not home they can stay in a cage right? But I read they use a litter box too, but I dunno how they are on dander. Anycase, I keep dragging him to pet adoption fairs and such hoping there'd be a puppy or kitty there that he'd fall absolutely in love with like me. So far, to no avail. Yesterday I dragged him through PetSmart and we ended up looking at the reptiles. A chameleon caught my eye and I thought it might be a good compromise. I researched them and their care is a little involved with misters and lamps, but it could be fun. I was going to get one this morning, but when i was cleaning out the corner I found a bunch of sugar ants who had found their way in so I spent the morning taping up the window.

Anycase, I found this video, thought it was the funniest thing involving a chameleon:


Last night I dreamt that there was a litter of really adorable puppies, and I tried holding one but he bit me with his puppy teeth and scratched me with his puppy nails, and was squirming to get away.

women my age are going through baby mania. I'm going through pet mania, lol. The more I think about it the more I like the chameleon idea.

Thanks for reading ^^ hope everyone's having a good week!
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Friday, May 11, 2012

I got to see Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert last night! They were really good, although they didn't have nearly the personality Foo Fighters has in concert. I feel so lucky that Joe's into these kinds of things and brings me along ^^

Mother's Day is this weekend. I feel bad I don't have anything special planned. I painted my mother a plant pot, which came out worse than I was hoping :/ I hate giving away artistic creations I don't deem my best. But then I have a hard time getting rid of art that I grow attached to, lol. Joe wants me to make a cucumber salad for his mother for sunday. Never made one before. I'm tempted to chop up lots of cucumber, tomatoes, carrots and celery and mix it in a soup of ranch. mmm that'd be good.

have a beautiful weekend everyone and thanks for reading!
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Monday, May 7, 2012

I actually celebrated Cinco de Mayo this year!
I went out with Joe and a group of friends and we went allll over DC. I've been to DC before, but never to its nightlife, and it was so much fun! I've always wanted friends who would invite me out to do these kinds of activities but it never happened, and it did and I was so happy ^^

I went up a pant size :( I guess since I've been the same size since Middle School I shouldn't be too upset. But I'll start work in a couple weeks (!!!), and I'm hoping I will balance back down.

I saw "The Raven" last week. I thought it was really entertaining! and as a result I went to B&N and bought the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe. I'm looking forward to reading it. Poe's one of those writers who uses the sound of words so it sounds so beautiful on the ear when read.

Thank you everyone for your responses last week, really. I had up lengthy responses but somehow the post went away :/ but you guys are awesome like you always are, thank you so much ^^
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