Monday, January 16, 2006

--Yuki-chan's post--

Our chatbox! ^-^ ^o^ I'm still depressed about this guy. I just dunno. I like him and all, but I think he hates me. I think I MADE him hate me. every time he spoke to me, I answered....*sigh* ...rudely. no metter what I said, though, 'cause even if I told him I liked him, the tone of my voice sounded, for some reason, as though I ment 'I hate you'. but I didn't tell him I like him anyway, so there's nothing to talk about. now, he doesn't talk to me at all. he doesn't even look at me.... T-T..... even when he cursed me, or critisized me, it was better. 'cause he talked to me. and now......nothing. My friends from the other class (for you Natsuki, I ment my group) told me he doesn't hate me, and "always protects me". yeah right. (oh, yeah. I guess, Natsuki-san, you ARE the only one who doesn't know who it is. -_- too bad.) I don't know. I don't think I can believe them, because he just has no reason to protect me. and even if he use to, now he probably stoped...... .....and from the other side.... Yureko (Yureko1) talked to some girl who knows him. and she told me that that girl said that I should better forget about him, because he flirts with everyone, and I would only get hurt if I see him flirt with other girls, in case we'll have a relationship. but I already knew that.... I SAW him flirting with other ppl. 'n I guess my feelings didn't change. another girl from the other class told me she used to like him too, but now she doesn't, 'cause he's a **** of a person. she also said that that's how he always acts: he makes a girl feel something for him, then dump her. and still. my feelings are all the same. and it's not that I didn't see him flirt with others. it's not that I don't know he's a bad person. to tell you the truth, I don't even like the way he speaks and acts, and..... and still. why don't I stop feeling like that? with all that I know, why don't hate him, instead? *sob* why, why, WHY?!!!!?!!!!!!? *sigh* but I guess the situation is good for me. if he DID try to get me to like him and then dump me, then he failed with what he wanted, at list as far as he knows, since I guess it looked from the side as though I couldn't care less. so he didn't win. but I didn't win too, 'cause I DO feel something for him, and now I'm just depressed about it. so we both lost. but maybe, just maybe, it would hurt me more if he'd dump me, so I did win at something. but..... what am I supossed to do about my feelings now? I mean..... I still can't forget what I feel.... and what my friend said keeps confusing me...... "but...he always protects you!" -- but he doesn't...not next to me.... and if he does, even though I wouldn't know, then..... maybe.... he.....cares..? I mean, if he'd protect me in front of me, then maybe he's just trying to impress. but if I never saw him.... then..... *sob* .....but I still remmember the other things my friends told me. and I guess I don't wanna get dumped by him. but.... how would I know weather he was faking it or not? and if he wasn't, then.... it still looks as though we hate each other. hm. -_- I don't know... what am I suppossed to do??? I'm awfully sorry for the extremely long post. I just felt I had no one to talk to, and.... even if you guys didn't read it, I guess I feel better, for taking it out. and... for those of you who did read it, then thanks! ^-^ God should bless you for being so patient..... thank you SO much! *sigh* well, I'm off. bye, I guess....

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