Monday, June 13, 2005

   eh
Eh. Yea that's all I got to say. Eh. Nothin much has been happenin so I really haven't been writing in my journal lately. Sorry. Well, it's just that... I don't know. I just kinda gettin bored of the whole jounal thing. It's just like how my mom and my grandma keep giving me jounals to write in but I never do. *shrugs* I don't know why. lol. So oo! I got something to laugh at. My bizatch of a sister got a MOJOR sunburn. lol. I laugh at her stupidness for not putting on sunscreen. lol. That happened to me once. I got sun poisoning. I didnt turn red. Oh no. I had to stay isolated in my romm with nothing to each but salad. I swear i lost like 20 pounds lol. n e ways... that's all I got to say. Peace out homies!!!

Joke: Groaners

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack

What do you call skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting"

How are a tornado and an Arkansas divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Hope you liked those! lol.
-Mel
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Friday, June 10, 2005

   Hey all!
Hey all !Im sorry that i havent posted for a while. I've been kinda bleh. But oh well. I'm going to Kaitlyn's house (MarikMine) tomarrow. I am gonna finally be able to see Cody! Yay! But I would really like to hang with Kait cause Im really bored here and I need to do something. Anyways, I just watched Spanglish! I've really wanted to see that movie for like EVER! but you know what? It wasnt realy that good. :/ lol. :p That's funny. Anyways, I'm really bored at the moment, so .... bleh! lol. I'm about to go watch another movie with my mom. It's called Be Cool. Has anyone seen it? My mom says it's supposed to be funny. Oh well. Guess I wont find out till I watch it! lol. Well, that's all I really have to say. So... LUVS TO ALL! lol

Joke: Horror Movi Survival Guide
1. If the house you're living in tells you to "GO AWAY", do so immediately.
2. Never take a bath or shower with a maniac/spirit/demon/creature in the house.
3. When it appears that you have killed the maniac/spirit/demon/creature, DO NOT check to see if he/she/it is really dead. Keep hacking at it until it is in pieces small enough not to be a threat to you. If you've shot at it, shoot it again in the head, and remember, shoot till it stops moving, and then keep shooting till you're out of ammo. Then reload and shoot it some more. Then set it on fire and burn it up, this works with everything except demons and spirits. Then get the hell out of there!
4. Don't look under the bed.
5. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
6. If trees, TVs, or other objects try to consume your children, save as many as you can and then get the hell out of the area.
7. If relatives or pets come back from the dead, don't approach them and ask "What did you come back to do?"
8. If you've hidden from the maniac/spirit/demon/creature and you are not found, do not peek from or decide it's safe to leave your hiding place. If you do decide to leave, scan the ground for twigs before you take a step.
9. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. (Note: It will probably take several rounds of gunfire to incapacitate them, so be prepared.)
10. Never get into a car without first checking the back seat for occupants.
11. If you've just finished running over the maniac/spirit/demon/creature in your car, keep going. Most certainly do not get out of the car under any circumstances to see if he/she/it is "really" dead.
(everyone does that!!! lol)
12. Don't play with ouija boards. If you do and the ouija board starts moving by itself, stop playing and leave. (that means you Kait) lol

Much love!
-Mel
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Saturday, June 4, 2005

   eh
Hey all. My mood is kinda bleh right now. I called Cody, wanting to just you know talk and such. But he said he wasnt allowed to talk. And you know I believed him once I heard his mom yell at him to get off the phone. But what I didnt understand is that he had his friend over. His friend is an idiot. He told me my new name was fireball. Cause my hair is red. I told him that that was the stupidest thing I ever heard and told him that he was an idiot. ^^ Well, at least that was fun lol. Well, I just dont understand that he cant talk on the phone but he can have his stupid friend over. So I'm kinda bleh.

Oh I did have fun on Friday. The pool party thing. It was fun. We swam then went to Zachs house and played DDR and then jumped on his trampoline. It was fun. Although I'm still kinda bleh.

Joke: Blonde Joke
Fifteen minutes into the flight from New York to Phoenix, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . .we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another hour. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."

Sherry, a young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and sighed, .... ..."If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

-Mel
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Thursday, June 2, 2005

   PARTAY!
lol. Ha! You might be relieved that this post is not about Cody. ^^ lol. Friday I am gonna be able to see some of my friends from school! Only three of them though. We're gonna like have a pool party! lol. It's just gonna be me and my friends Mercedes, Zach, and Montel. ^^ It's gonna be so awsome! I can't wait! But.... well, I am kinda self concious about myself. I think I'm fat... and n e ways... I'm not sure if I'm comfy letting Zach and Montel see me in a bathing suit. The only one that actually fits me is a bikini. *sweatdrop* well, you'd think if I can be myself at the beach with complete strangers then I could be fine with my closest friends. Yea right. It just makes it harder that I know them. lol. My mind works in wierd ways. N e ways, I guess i'll be fine cause I talked to Zach about my insecurity and he's like "Nuuu! You dont have n e thing wrong with you! Your a hottie!" Of course I thought he was just lieing to make me feel better. So I told him that I think my legs are fat and (here's funny part) he's like "I'm worried that if I looked at your legs, my eyes would come across something." lol. He means my butt, if you didnt know. lol. He's funny. But, other than that, b4 I told him it was my legs I was worried about, he thought I was insecure about my butt! lol. Not gonna go into detail lol. ^^ Although I am not as skinny as those twigs they call models, I am not fat either. I 'm average. You know, normal. But eh. lol. ^^

Joke:Computer Problems
If you are having computer problems, this is what you need to do...

Take the mouse thingy and click on the whosit, then scroll down to the third thingamagig, highlight it and copy and paste to the whatchamacallit. It will take you to the gismo that you are looking for.

Works for me everytime!

-Mel
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Wednesday, June 1, 2005

   OMG!
Yesh this is another post about Cody. lol not the whole thing though. OMG I GOT TO SEE HIM TODAY! lol well, he had to sneak out and go through the ditch just so he could see me. OMG the is sooooo romantic!!! I love it! lol n e ways, once we got to see each other there was some things goin on. NOT THAT YOU GROSS PERVS! lol just the regular. ^^ and I am sooooo happy! lol n e ways since i am soooo happy i will do two jokes again since i am sooooo happy!!!1 lol. n e ways, ... i dont know what to say... oh darnit! lol. well, then here are your jokes!!

Joke 1:Are You Having a Bad Day?
THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and facemask.

A post-mortem revealed that the person died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.

Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it.

One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998


STILL THINK YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband.

After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the petrol, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home.

Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself.

She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.

Taken from a Florida Newspaper.

Having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse.....

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

And finally.......

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it.........................

-Mel
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