Saturday, September 24, 2005

I'd clear the cobwebs if it'd do any good..
Yea, this site has...died, to say the least. Much like its owner. Tried to actaully get together with people this week, but everyone's doing something. And...im finally giving up. wee bit o' junk.

Walking to nowhere,
Staring at the halls,
No need to stare
Without a care,
At all of the empty dolls.

Consumed by fake emotions,
Backstabbing ghouls;
No matter their notions,
Just follow the motions
And forget the fools.

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Friday, September 16, 2005

Heading Home with a sullen face.
School ticks me off, and home is horrible. I hate it. SOmewhat of a predicament, ne?Sit and hold my tounge and grit my teeth and repeat "Yes M'am". I despise those who demand respect. Those who are not so busy with obtaining it are more likely to earn it.

I know how to swim but I still can't keep my head above water in life. From a random verse of recent poetry I must quote:

I have nothing to say
For I gave it my all;
The tough keep on going
But the weak have to fall.

Off to conquer homework and get lost in some great music =) I finally signed up for that launch yahoo thing with the customized radio. *.* im in love with it xD I suggest all big music fans that are unsatisfied with the radio to try this =) It's worth getting a yahoo acount for.

Heading Home

The day finally ends; I Say goodbye to my friends,
And am united with the fighting i came from.
I wonder about life trends and what it intends
And when it's all said and done
I don't want to head home.

I want to be free, but that's not meant for me;
There's no diety I believe to put the blame
On; But there would be no need, if people could see,
The same dull face I fill with shame,
When I head home.


When I climb in that car, I know I won't go far,
Restrained by the binds of common sense;
I wonder if i could just lift that bar
And create more dense walls for my defense,
When I have to head home.

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Monday, September 12, 2005

Subconcious Pain
Whee~ Actually on top of homework for once, which means i must concentrate on robotics xD -sigh- soon ill be useful...soon. I'm in a swimming meet tomorrow, but only one event. The worse people need events too =O Well, anyway, here's the poem

Subconcious Pain

Wash the blood from my hands,
And collect all of the strands
Of memory I choose to recall,
For my mind can’t take the fall.

Erase it from my brain;
Watch the blood go down the drain
Because there is no way I can feign
Innocence for this subconscious pain.

I should’ve known when things started in motion,
Always wanting to end of a good notion,
That things would end up as a dream;
Disasters are always to extreme
For me.

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Thursday, September 8, 2005

How are you, darling?
Homework load. but...omigod. I found this song I love xD By T.A.T.U. "All the Things She Said" I had it before and looked up the lyrics and...wow O.O a pleasant surprise =) not the lyrics i expected xP so, for poetry ill use excerts from the song. I know it screams "lazy" but physics kills the brain so im so tired...

"...All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
This is not enough

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free...

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head...

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?"


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Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Pure Disgust
Slaughtered today in the swim meet =\ the team was really good though. >.< I didn't get to swim because Coach wanted to put higher people so we might have a chance. grr....stupid shirts that said "Don't feel so bad...everyone's behind us". jocks, the load of them =\

-sigh- more bad news. An unwanted person has been reading this. Which means less personal info can be included. gomen nasai. I wish I could limit the viewing to only friends =|

Whoo~ pretty poem to the christmas song "The Gift" tune:

The ball of my emotions,
Repelled against my will,
Despite intended notions,
Was aiming for the kill.

A charge unto my soul
Which I claim to not exist,
Tainted words will take their toll
If the murders thus persist.

The clouds of smoke surround me
From bombs which block my gaze
And provide some uncertainity
Through the glowing amber haze.

But rain and wind will slowly
Rid of all that is unclear
And your trickery, oh so lowly,
Will no longer hold my fear.
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Sunday, September 4, 2005

I'm on some other drug; one so fierce it has yet to be named or discovered.
Wow. some weekend.

Omigod! Coach F complimented me on the meet last friday =DDDD It was a big meet 'cuz it was a realay meet(where four memebers swim an event and rely on each oter to swim fast). Rosely got in front and I pulled into the lead and we stayed there ^_^ I've been put with horrible people before and finally am winning =D So I just got varsity points. w00t!!!!

To make things so much better, our AC broke down. Our house cooked =X its back now though ^_^

Spent 4 hours looking for a desk. 4 HOURS. WAAAY too long, but I love the desk ^^;

Grandmothers are going to plan a trip to Italy and Spain. Me = *cling* take me with youuu!!!! They'll work on mom and dad. It COULD happen -laughs-

Well, short amusing poem.

Late to bed and early to rise,
Creates dark circles under ones eyes =)

(I need to get more sleep. I'm gonna go do that now. I love 3 - day weekends n.n)
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Monday, August 29, 2005

Present realizations
Another girl lost, trying to take other people down with her in her black hole she has created for herself. And...I told them she would 9 monthes ago, maybe a year ago. It stings; even my boyfriend at the time defended her over me and now he hates her...like almost everyone else. I feel...rejected, hurt, all of the above, glad for the burden of homework for once that keeps my mind from wondering. I fear the drifting of my own mind, as it does in my dreams.

Whoo....depressiveness grasps again. gomen, but i need an outlet...

Past desire

I think of you, my past desire;
When will thoughts of you retire
From my mind? Just let them shatter
With no next course on that platter
In which we used to eat off years ago;
If I ever rid of you will I know?
With dark eyes filled with flaming passion,
Isn't it the latest fashion
to go from arm to arm?
It'll only cause me more harm,
Because I think of you at night,
I think of you in spite
of all of my hatred.
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Good Country people..hah!
I just read the short story mentioned above and I'm really quite pissed. It's so wrong. And the thing is, I thought the boy was screwed up. and he reminded me of Dal...-now feels all bad- but Dal wasn't that bad...

Gah. SO much hw, but im hoping it'll lighten up soon. My AP Gov't teacher scares me. Almost everyone failed that constitution test. 10 point curve. I got a 92. I've always gotten A's in S.S.....i don't want that to change >.<

A girl on my swim team had an accident. SHe had 7 people in her small car(only fit 5) and some idiot pulled on her wheel. She overcompensated(sp) and drove into a lake. Everyone got out safely though. The idiot is also suspended and maybe will be expelled.

I don't have time for a poem today. just wanted to say im alive. Hopefully write sometime this weekend. Ja~!
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

only the first week....
If you wonder why you havent heard from me, it's cuz im dead, overloaded with homework, or banned from the comp because I've been yelling at mom. Not moving up in lanes in swimming because mom always gets me there late, but i made varsity! Robotics is starting so i must learn C++ again and HOPEFULLY ryan will give me the system we'll do a game sim on(hopefully). Yeah...and to all people that haven't heard from me that know me in real life, hallo o.o walking in the halls I am a lifeless android.

Take it all Away

Take it all away, take it all away,
For alone in my room I will stay;
Music blasting through the door
To make you think i can't take it anymore,
But in that case you are wrong
Because I lose lose myself in every song.
I'm having a grand old time;
I'll be fine.

This happens with no friend's help;
I see no reason for me to yelp,
For there is no reason for their aid,
You see, I have this barricade:
Happiness out and tears held in
With all the turmoil of my kin.
Only music sinks in,
Taking anger and sadness from my skin.

And no tears do I shed,
Just lay silent in bed;
Angry words in my ear
screaming so loud that the neighbors can hear,
But there is no need for the pillows to get wet;
Tightly close my eyes, block it out, and forget
For soon I'll be having a grand old time.
I'll be fine, I'll be fine
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Um..will you check if the young girl in the front is alive?
Gah..school >.< Homework is overwhelming. Calc + Physics = killer. I will survive! School and swimming tryouts X). Gah, in school im in auto pilot mode and so not there x.x And I see almost nothing of my good friends. Just the nice smart people in my classes. And…I have 5 quizzes on Friday…oh boy :X Gah~ must study my books and..everything. Here’s the poem….i finally got it done(when something major happens in my life I always right one. Ignorance was also one). Hope you enjoy =D plz critique my new style….it needs perfecting.


Digital Perfection

I lay thinking, wide awake,
Contemplating why it took
Everything for my to break
It up because no matter how you look
There is no way to redeem
Myself for doing it.
No matter how real it did seem,
I have to admit
It’s just my digital perfection.

Thinking back to his obsession,
How could I stand being a toy?
Though I must make one confession:
At one point my absolute joy
Orbited round and round him
Like satellites in space;
And though my recent thoughts of him are dim,
My lost pride is hard to replace
All because of this virus infection.

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