Sunday, June 12, 2005

I dont even know where to begin.....
Confuckinggradulations to ANY higher powers that be.If there is a god....he better hope his ass is Jackie Chan if I meet him.I doubt any of you know yet,but my mother was found dead at 4:12am.My brother found her and went into shock,so I was the only one brave enough to check her pulse.She was dead.....fucking dead.Rigormortous had already started.Cause of death...pending.We think it was CHF(Congestive Heart Failure).But her docter had her on enough medication to fuck up an elephant.But atleast she went out in her sleep,smiling.After the ambulance got here,13 vehicles were packed in my driveway.I had already beaten the hell out of my truck.It needs very extensive body work now.I dont cry over anything,except her.I actually cried for half an hour straight.She may have been my step mother,but she was the only one I called mom.The other one is back in the state pen.Everyone took it kinda hard.She was happy all day thursday.Everyone she talked to said she was happy,even right before she went to sleep.My fucking class A fuck up grandfather is lucky.If this is stress related....his ass is grass.He has been doing nothing but bitching at her for 3 months.And on top of that,she told him she hated him 3 days earlier.His only duaghter and his own father both had told him three days before they died they hated him.He took it the hardest.He hasnt even came outta his room since friday.He just cant face it.All the problems he caused.The only thing keeping our family together was my mom.He should feel lucky.She was the only thing keeping his sorry ass alive.She told me even if she died not to kill her father.And I will do my best to respect her wishes.I just wish she would would just walk in bitching at me.Everyone thought we hated eachother.Me and her was actually almost as close as her and my dad.I finally got him calmed down enough to go to sleep.He was working in Kansas at the time.I feel real sorry for him.Nobody would give him a straight answer so the secretaries had him call an extremely good friend of the family.Atleast he had told him what had happened.No one else but me could of told my father Terry had passed away.And if you havent noticed,# is a very bad number for my family.Every death in our family involves that fucking number.To much shit comes in threes.I really cant sleep so i figured id update.The only thing that got me to sleep was a 24pk case of Natural Light and a fifth's worth of 80proof Montezuma.The first time id ever drank not to have fun.So,il'l either be up for a week,or just have to get more beer.The worst part is,my dad actually dont give a shit.He just reminds me it wont help for ever.And this I know,it'll just help me get to sleep.Well,I can ramble on,or research.So,laterz to all.
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