Sunday, February 22, 2004

There is nothing...
..There is nothing that I can do.

There is nothing that you can do.

There is nothing that anyone can do, to set you free. They can bury things away, they can bring things up and talk about them and send them away, and then the troubles can come back.

No-one can set you free to the point that you need to be.

No-one can break your chains, rather than just loosen them.

No-one can tell this thing to be gone and have lasting effect.

YOU NEED GRACE.

You need to know that you can do nothing, and God can do everything.

Even if you only know you can do nothing, you're still half way there. Just accept it.

The human race is helpless- Nothing of human doing endures forever. No love, no release, no power, no good, no evil, no NOTHING. There is always a time when it crumbles.

The church has gone so long on human effort. You lift your hands, you talk with the liturgy, you sing the songs, you break the bread and drink the wine, all in one vain attempt to appease God every once a week.

Don't be so ******* foolish!

None of these things can help you, it is better to do nothing. Only when you know you can do nothing, can you do these things in the release that comes from the strength of God flowing through you.

Only when you know that there is no way to reach holiness in order to please God, will we become holy. The only way to reach holiness is to know you are an unholy wretch!

You've spent so long trying. Just give up. That doesn't mean lose hope- have hope, but give up! YOU can't do it. YOU can't help it. YOU can't change it. Not in a lasting way.

Give it up, let it go, take up grace. Stop trying to carry these burdens, and just say, "Lord, help me!" with all your heart, knowing that you can't do it. Knowing that the only lasting release will come from him. Tell him you can't do it, tell him what a state you are in. Be honest. God can not remove the poison from a wound which you keep closed- you need to open up and be healed.

For God's sake, just turn to him. I can't bear it, he can't bear it- you've fallen such a long way but there is still hope. There is ALWAYS hope. But it does not rest in your ability to carry, to solve, or to lighten your burdens. You just can't do it.

You know I'm talking to you. I'm not going to reveal your name because I know you don't want everyone here to know what you're going through.

Matt 10:31 "You are worth more than many sparrows"(NIV)
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Thursday, February 5, 2004

No, you are a very remarkable person
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Smackety Smackety Smack!!!
Describe the last few weeks in one word:

INTENSE

Man..

I feel released to write an update on here- but I'm not saving my password and I'm logging off so it doesn't get cookied.

You guys just have no idea how bogged down you probably are by this stuff. My last few weeks have been insane- they've had both intense highs and lows. The lows were probably more intense than the lows I had while on myO, and the highs- well, there were very few when I was on myO anyway.

Let's take last saturday-

I woke up at about mid-day.

Because of that, I felt pretty bad for most of the day. I couldn't really describe how or why I felt bad, I just felt bad. Everything felt hopeless. It was one of those odd moments where you honestly feel that nothing good can possibly come into your life, but there's no reason to feel in such a way.

There was a Salsa (Dancing) Evening at church, to raise money for some of the TT missionaries to Indonesia- and I absolutely did not want to go, under any circumstances. Which was odd seeing as I was looking forward to it for most of the week. I pretty much had to drag myself down there, 45 minutes late (and lateness has a profound effect on making me not want to turn up somewhere), worrying all the way down about all sorts of things.. but you know what?

I had fun. I actually had a great evening. I danced with *name taken out as an experiment to see when Jude will notice* on TT, and realised something of how I actually feel for her- something I've been hiding away. And something which I try to suppress because of past experiences of being hurt.

I know my issues now- whereas before I just knew I was messed up.

My life is in order now- I have a budget for what I spend, to get out of this debt I got into from a few months in a new home without a job.

I have plans, dreams, visions, and stuff. I know what I want, whereas before I just knew I wanted more.

Real issues need to be faced in real life. Before I left I said "there are very few of you I can actually help".

Sure, I've shared my faith with most people I know online, I've challenged a fair few people to think things they never thought of before, but what have you actually gained? Most of you are still struggling with the same problems you were when I met you.

And that's because you have real problems, which need to be confronted in real life. The internet is a deceptive thing, because you think you're opening up, but in reality you're only really becoming more isolated.

You can post about your problems in your online blogs for months and months on end, but until you get out there and do something about it- tell someone who can not only help you but actually pull you forward in life. Build bonds with real people. Sure, you're all real, but I'm not exactly bonding with you here. I'm just hitting buttons and interacting with someone who I can't hold accountable because I have no influence in their life.

I HAVE NO INFLUENCE ON YOUR LIFE.

I can only give you truths, questions, answers, inspired words, foolish words, bullshit, lies. I can't move you to do anything. I can't be there- be actually THERE every day to make sure you're sticking to what advice I gave.

I can't be there to be sensitive, to try to include you more, to stand up for you, to encourage you, to make you feel loved, when you need it most. It's not when you sit down at your computer that you need these things- it's when you face the reality that grieves you so much.

You don't need text. You need people. I can inspire you, and I can challenge you. I can't help you until you reach the kind of level where you can find help in your surroundings. Then I can be insightful and it can last a little longer than a week.

So there. There are very few of you I can actually help. I've tried. And it works- but then a week later, it's the same old thing. It's not that I don't have hope- and it's not that I put limits on God. But you seriously can not be helped by someone who can't be there to help you when you actually need it. What you need is someone who can, and then maybe you can find lasting use in these words.

That's about all I wanted to say. I'll probably keep popping in randomly in the future, whenever I feel the need.

(This post was directed at a number of different people, in a number of different parts)

-Dan
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