myOtaku.com: Dan L

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1983-02-09
Gender
• Male
Location
• Sheffield, England
Member Since
• 2003-11-23
Occupation
• Consumption Assistant
Real Name
• Daniel C Lucking

Personal

Achievements
• Nothing of note
Anime Fan Since
• I'm a what now?
Favorite Anime
• The one where all the people have funky big eyes.
Goals
• To go gray, rather than recede. I want a full head of hair when I'm old- even if it is gray. Funnily enough I've started going noticably gray already (from a close distance)
Hobbies
• God, Music, Reading, Sleeping, Working with Kids
Talents
• Varied. Not necessarily many, though.

myOtaku.com: Dan L

Saturday, November 29, 2003

oh my..
er..

this could hurt.. but it will strengthen. I've been unbroken for far too long.

It's been so long since I've felt genuine- or even imagined, pain at my iniquity. I recognise my sinfulness but at times I'm just not all that sorry about it.

I NEED to change that. Too long I've thought "it just doesn't come naturally for me to show weakness.. softness, maybe, but rarely weakness".

I'm a fool. Nothing more. When I am not weak, I am not strong. For it is not my strength which makes me strong but the strength of THE LORD. If I make myself to be any more than a weak, messed up, fragile little being then the armour of God has no effect on me because Armour is built for the sole purpose of strengthening something which is weak. Without weakness it becomes useless.

I need to go deeper, much deeper. So deep that it hurts. So deep that God's holiness is evident to me in such a big way that I can't help but hate the state I'm in. I want that. Not for the sake of it, but because without it I am nothing. When I seem to be something, I am in fact nothing. When I seem to be nothing, I am in fact made into something.

To live, I must die, but if I live then I am dead.
To find strength I must become weak, but if I am strong then I will be weak.
The humble will be crowned, the self-exalted will be humbled.

Kingdom logic. It's damn messed up in our terms, and yet it makes so much sense to me right now!!

You see, it's not about what you do- it's about who you're with. Dying to find life is not about going to kill yourself but in denying your own life and completely submitting to Christ, putting ALL hope and trust in him. Becoming weak to find strength is not about going without food, or other things which physically weaken us. It's about becoming BROKEN to the point that we NEED God's strength, and that we are dependant on him.

I need breaking.
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