Thursday, December 18, 2003

Kind of a crap day
Eh. I hated most of today.

I got up at 10:30.

I was supposed to be up at 9 at the latest- not for work, but for a TT social day.

My three housemates stopped to think "oh wait... Dan isn't up and about" but didn't carry that on to "Let's get him up and see if he's actually intending on going today". In all fairness, they did actually think I was at work- I just kind of didn't particularly appreciate their lack of checking.

So what.. I pretty much stayed in the house all day. Browsed the net, read, ate, felt like crap.

I hate doing nothing. Or I hate doing lots of useless things. It's useless.. All I get out of it is feeling utterly crap at the end of the day. Whereas when I'm out with the TT guys (today they were off ice skating), I may not be achieving anything of importance, but I'm interacting.. I'm doing something.. having fun with others. Maybe what hurt most was the knowledge that they were off doing that while I'd missed the meeting time.

Then Jude got back at about 4 pm. He said that they went back to the TT centre and had lunch. The TT Centre was 5 minutes down the road.. and I was awake at lunch time.. Why they didn't bother to phone me to see if I would come down... ...That's just the way I think. When something's going on and someone's not there (who should be) I tend to check on two things- 1- if they know it's going on, 2- if they're OK. The thought that "your absence was noted" as Jude put it, but no-one does anything about it, just seems wrong to me. But at the same time, not everyone thinks in that way.

After lunch a few of them went to see LoTR3. Again, which I had no idea about. And I yet again had no idea why they couldn't have- and didn't- ring me. It's not like I don't have a phone or I rarely have it on me. I rarely turn the damn thing off- even at work it's on silent mode, but it's on.

I had a greek and hebrew lesson tonight at 7. I so did Not want to go. Half way up the first stretch of hill up to Crookes I turned back on the grounds that I felt absolutely crap and hadn't seen much of my housemates all day, thus would rather spend the night in with them.

But Greg wouldn't have it. It's good to live with/next door to someone like him because he's irritatingly right on a lot of things. In this case his argument was pretty much "You said you'd go to this group and you're even meant to be having dinner up there. You can't just randomly not go without reason. GO!"

So I went, and felt a lot better. We actually learned some hebrew in tonight's lesson, which was quite interesting. But it just generally was good to actually do something, despite the fact that I didn't really want to go because I'd had a pretty awfully crap day.

When I got back I was in a much better frame of mind to talk to Nick about my issues with being left in bed when I should be doing something. I explained that understand that others don't always think in that way- Nick has kind of a thing with cleanliness- he can't stand the house being the slightest bit unclean. I have a thing with community. I can't stand it when we don't do things like get each other up when we really need to be up and aren't and that kind of thing- and when we generally do things without thinking how it will affect the others.

And well.. it wasn't easy. I felt petty. I felt stupid for being selfish and expecting people to do the same for me as I would for them, and actually telling them how I felt about it.

But if I didn't say something I would have only ended up getting bitter about it. Eh.. scrap that, I was already bitter.. but I would've ended up more so and wouldn't have ended up released from it.
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