Sunday, December 21, 2003

Rantings of an Ex-300ft potato
So much to say, but where to start..?

Over the last year and a bit I've gone through stages. Stage 1, I started stealing from work. This was something of the world's last attempt to contain me. When God began to reach out to me the world close in and encapsulated me within it's ugly self. There it wanted to keep me as a slave in the chains of separation. As God drew closer these chains tightened- my urge to steal, which appeared to come from no-where, only got stronger. Then came the breaking point. I was sacked from work. Not only was I integrated into this world but I was a victim of it- and it would do with what it wanted.

But the world, as foolish as it was, could not contain me when God was on my case. Whether the ordeal was planned or not, God broke me free of it.

And since then I've been on pretty much a non stop journey of seeming randomness. I've grown from someone with a simple faith to one he understands.. but what have I become?.. I am Dan. But what was I before?.. I was Dan. Nothing has really changed. I still have the same strengths, but I apply them better. I still have the same weaknesses, but I control them better. I am no more perfect than I used to be, I am only better at controlling my imperfect areas. In fact I may even be considered less perfect due to the notion that I have somehow become more in some way, whereas before I was certain of my lack of perfection.

Here's a notion for you: God loves me. He loves me no more now than he did when I was first saved, and he loves me no less. He loves me no more than when I was stealing from work- despite the array of commandments I was breaking on a daily basis.


He loves me no more than you- and he loves Saddam Hussein no less than me. He probably doesn't particularly enjoy knowing what Saddam has done, but like I said we don't really get very far just by what we've done.

In fact we get no-where by what we do. Saddam killed millions, maybe not by his own hands, but it happened. I once stole a little one pence bubblegum from the corner shop where I used to live. the rediculous thing is that neither one of those two things was really any less sin. Neither was any less of a stray from perfection. You could argue that the magnitude was rediculously different- and then you can tell me later that all things are relative and nothing is really any less right or wrong from an objective viewpoint.

So what exactly is true? what exactly does an objective viewpoint consist of? Subjectively I am better than Saddam- I know this because I stick to more of what I know is good- but then what. Then I die, I rot, I become food for some generation far in the future and no-one knows of either of the two of us, so really I end up with nothing for my effort. From an objective viewpoint, what do you really gain other than what you have in the end? If you end up with nothing, then you can't really have gained anything. I had nothing to start with and I will end with nothing, therefore you could argue that the net result of my life is that nothing happened.

Given that this is the case for everybody, and given that there is a God (hey. My thoughts, my assumptions, buddy :p) how can he love anyone any less when they all come from and go to nothing. No-one really achieves anything, because we are still only as much as what we are when we are at our least, and none of us is any more than any other when we all lose that which makes us live.

Depressing, eh?

Well I'm not depressed.. because this proves a bigger point to me. A bigger point that can only be understood by one small addition to the above logic, the concept of Grace. God's grace, to be specific. The concept of grace has many levels of theologicval difference. If you want to hear more leave a comment, but I'm not expecting that so I'm going to keep it quick and easy to understand. Here goes:

You are nothing
You deserve nothing
But God loves you
and considers you everything

It's a foolish notion on such a shallow level- but go too deep and you lose some of the wonder of it.

You see, we are all nothing. The reason for that is that we are all becoming nothing. Thus objectively we are nothing, because we can not be more than what we will become.

But the thing is, God loves us. He actually wants to see us live our lives, our seemingly worthless lives, to the fullest extent that we can.

What have I gained over the last year..?.. in all reality I have gained nothing. I have sought wisdom, but in doing so I have lost love, and in losing love I lost the means by which wisdom is at it's most effective.

You can be as objective as you want, but you can never explain the impact of love through that means. The silent impact of one who submits to another not to prove a point, but to show his own weakness, out of love.

The hidden love of one who secretly supports another and still asks nothing in return- doesn't make a public show of it so as to appear good. And then still bears the scorn of others without looking to justify himself through earlier actions of love, but knows that the crowd is loved as well.

These are the things that I've lost, and it's about time that they became important to me again.

You see, objectiveness is all well and good, but it gets you no-where. If you think it through to it's conclusion you realise that you were nothing, you are nothing and you are going no-where.

Love may be foolish. Love may not even be that objective. But it does more in the hearts of men than the statement "you are nothing". People are so used to being overlooked as yet another insignificant member of the whole. Another random face in an array. Yet random acts of kindness impact a heart far more than the objective truth ever did.

The thought of nothingness is worth nothing. It may be true, but anything that so boldly states that everything is, was, and will be as nothing surely is worth nothing in itself?.. what does it lead you to?.. what can it possibly inspire you to? It can provoke a multitude of thoughts, but what impacts are had by thoughts alone?

I may be foolish, but I'm not looking to gain anything. I am who I am, and I can never change who I am. I can change what I do, where I go, what I think, where I worship, how I live, but who I am will always be "Daniel Christopher Lucking".

I give up on trying to change people. Everyone who reads this, I don't want to change you. I don't want to make you more holy- I don't want to change your lifestyle. I don't want to get you into following the laws of the Bible.

You are who you are and you are loved for who you are, not what you are.

who you are is an unchanging fact. What you are, ie. what you do, etc., varies through life.

You are the one who is loved, not your lifestyle.

I fast once a week, I read my Bible, I pray practically everyday at random points during work, and yet my lifestyle is not what God loves.. nor is it the reason God loves me. God loves me because of who I am. I am Dan, one of 6 billion of God's children, not one of which is valued more or less than another.

It's all about you, it's not about what you do.

There's only one simple change that I'd love to see in everyone I know. And it's not a lifestyle change, it's a realisation. A realisation that God does love you, and a want to love him in return, a faith in him.

To quote the literal words of Paul in greek, besides that "I consider everything else as shit"
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