Friday, June 1, 2007

life...
an amazing word if you ask me, it means so much to so many people, and to others it means so little, so many people cant realise that to be alive, is a merical in and of itself, these people who, hut themselves cause "there problems are to much for them to handle", bull fucking shit, humans use 5% of there potential 5 FUCKING PERCENT, imagine that, imagine pushing your emotions beyond that 5 percent, maybe you wouldent need to cut yourself to feel good, no, take a lesson from me its not worth it, 3 months i did it, felt good, then i got a slap in the face, the world is better then that people, love life, live life, know what you want, and dont dwell on the bad in your life, and i promise you, if you concentrait on good things, good things will happen.

Song's Playing:Befor Dawn - Judas Priest.
Beyond the Realms of Death - Judas Priest
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Monday, May 28, 2007

yaaaa...
so anyone who reads this is so fucking lost it seems liek 30 people are writing on this, but nope, just one little old me, old ya that sounds right, alot of thinking watching that show, alot that i want, and will be selfish to get, well bye
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Saturday, May 26, 2007

i fucking told him
next time i see him im fucking punching him in the face, ill kick the fucking shit outta that skinny fuck, i told him i hear of him smoking again, ill fucking do something drastic he promised me, i thought he had more fucking integraty then that, guess not the fucker god damnit i was having such a good month 2 what a fucking douche
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booya
met like the greatest girl ever, amazing personality, the looks arent even what gets me, shes fucking hot as hell yes, but her personality is what i like :S its wierd,thats not the booya, the booya is i gotr my eyebrow pierced :( it was dissapointing, it didnt hurt:( heh anywho have a good night peeps
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

feeling really good
for the first time in a while, its thundering outside, sounds amazing, a night i know she wants to be out for, it ligntning is a few miles away but feels asif it is right ontop of me how i love these nights, just siting watching hearting the pittering of the rain on the roof it sooths my soul, got a call from michelle tonight, it felt so good hearing her voice... well im off night people
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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

heh
1 month and 2 days? since i last talked to her, well i did today, was nice to hear her voice again, her moms accent in the back ground, he cute sarcasim, her lies, i still love her different ways then befor, i miss her, and i feel good about it, i feel now more then ever there is a chance to fix what happened, no not fix what happened, become a friend to her, is all i want, heh well other then that i think i found a new favorite song, its called Longest day by iron maiden its about d-day... well have a good day all
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Saturday, May 12, 2007

so ya
i just realise i get very moody some times, any time i think about rachael i get upset, any time i think about that fucking douche bag josh i wanna kill and strangle ANYTHING perferably him :D, anytime i think of michelle i get calm, any time i think of sheldon a gun pop in my head, and i want to shoot it... but

enough about that

i realise i should never have gone to koz, woulda saved rachael a whole fucking load of trouble, probobly woulda saved josh michelle all of them alot, id be a better person if i never did go there, sure id still be socialy retarded, but i still would be a better person meh whatever its over now shes forgotten about me, guess its better this way CHAPOW

Song playing: iron maiden The zoo
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Thursday, May 10, 2007

man im fucked up
i think about her every day, i just want to know how shes doing, like how she is really doing,not all that bullshit she says to people, i miss being close to her, i could literaly tell her anything, michelle i cant, never was able 2, she was just some one close, any time i think of rachael, i wonder what shes doing at that moment, is she with that kid, is she with travis, is she with josh, is she thinking about me, is she cutting, everytime im in the mall i see things i just want to pick up and give to her, i still love her, but i dont want her, its wierd, i just wish she would trust me again.... maybe she will realise, that the guy she fell for was me, the guy she was dating wasent... maybe one day i love you rachael, have a good time in chicago
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Monday, May 7, 2007

heh, well, i dont know what to say anymore, im happy, well as happy as i guess i can be, not depressed anymore, i feel generaly good, havent talked to rachael in almost 3 weeks?, feels semi good, just to finaly be able to not have to talk to her, i still miss her, she is still very special to me, i love that girl, i miss holding her, talking to her, cuase when i was with her, i felt what angela used to make me feel, like some one actualy belived in me, i know every time i talk to michelle about my dreams of being in the millitary, and i know shes thinking i wont do it, but rachael, atleast from what i can tell always belived in me, i really do miss her, i feel so bad for what i did, took everything for granted, she gave me an inch i took a mile, if you read this rahcael im so sorry:( i know ive said it many times, thank you for that last verbal slap, it helped alot, so you know if you read this, i dont want you back, i just want you to be here with me in my life, and help me were you can, i dont want a romantic connection with you, i want to show you i can be trusted, heh i dunno im just scared that when michelle gets back she will forget about me...
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Saturday, May 5, 2007

fuckin a
well got a job, heh through a friend but i still got one, at corbs tonight, watched a movie called heat, was good, ummmmm, whent and played laser tag was fucking awsome, and ya, i miss her so much, michelle that is, shes been gone 4 days already and i miss her, i miss having some one to talk to, i really really do, its inevitable tho i guess, losing all that you need in your life, its inevitable cause the only thing you need is yourself.

just the thoughts of a 20 year old loser heh well talk to you later
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