Thursday, April 19, 2007

i feel like a fugitive, like im running from something, pain anger hate? what, i dont know, am i an asshole, am i a loser, is this like all just designed to be like this, am i really seeing and feeling what it hink i am feeling and seeing? man i so hope im in the matrix and this whole like has all been nothing, maybe if i can find that one person, he can free me from it, let me start new and fresh... but that probaly is farther from the truth, im a 20 year old unemployed loser, who cant even keep some one else happy, without fucking it up :D well good day to you sir

Song Playing: NOTHING. to lazy to hit play
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Monday, April 16, 2007

When you think that we've used all our chances
And the chance to make everything right
Keep on making the same old mistakes
Makes untipping the balance so easy
When we're living our lives on the edge
Say a prayer on the book of the dead

sounds like me eh rachael :P
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Sunday, April 15, 2007

well, was at mikes today and yesturday filming a kinda movie thing, should be good, umm just got in from taking jolt for a walk, when up stmarys,then down dakota, was going to go walk down southglen and around to stanns, but i whent down meddowood, then back down stmarys was gone for almost 2 hours... was fun i guess, umm uncle bryan basicly offered me the job with his company, driving a towtruck yay well thats my life upto today talk to you when i talk to you

Song Playing: Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg, Iron Maiden
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Friday, April 13, 2007

i
i am sorry, i have made many a mistake, some of wich i cant take back, many i wish i could but i cant, i wish i could take back the fact, that i wanted a physical relationship, that i wanted sex, that i wanted it all, i am sorry my love, im sorry i broke your trust all of thos times, i am sorry, i am sorry for just being me, i dont know if you will even read this but, i need you, i need your forgivness, i need your trust, i need you, i cant explain it, i just .... i just need you, i was broke during our relationship, i still am, but you are the only one that can help fix me.. i love you and always know i am here for you and you alone
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

i guess im responsible for all this, she was starting to get better, then i had to come along and fuck it all up, i guess its better if i just leave, if i leave and never post on here, never go to a party where greg will be at, cut contact from everyone she talks to, probobly better for me, but for her 2 ? i dont know, why do i always do this ? why must i always do stuff to the people i care about most, she says dont forget to say goodbye but how can i when she hates me and never wants to talk to me? she dosent belive i love her, well, i do its what i know no way to show her, well i kinda need to say a few things to her ask her a few things but i cant do that till she forgives me
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i wonder, i honestly do wonder, what everyones here for, me i know im here to die in a war some day, i know its me, ill never have kids, ill never have a real life, im meant to save some ones life by throwing mine infront of the danger, but what is rahcael here for? what about michelle only 2 people i really care about, whats my old friend nick doing? whats he here for, whats alex here for, whats katie going to do with her life, are well all just here for experiance, are we here to just sit around and watch the clock go by, there has to be more, i just dont understand it, they say time heals all wounds ya fucking right, just makes the wounds hurt less there still there, i dont even fucking know what im writing right now random thoughts :D yay fun, people always say to me greg its ok it will get better, but what if i never want it to get better? what if i liked the way it was? what if i liked that blade slicing my skin, or the taste of the cold barrel of that shotgun? really as i have said to many people there is neither good nor evil in this world, there is only the human mind, whos to say pain dosent feel good, i think it does, i honestly love pain, even when its not hurt it feels good whos to say heart ache dosnt feel good, i think it does, i have learnt through her that im a fucking asshole and dont deserve anything, wich is why i will never date again, i cant, i cant treat a girl like i did her, shes 100 percent right, i dont deserve a girl, i never deserved anything, i still dont, i never will, i want to curl in a ball and just cry, make myself invisible with only myself, i want to live in a mountain alone, just me and jolt, for all time, no humans around, no evil, no good, just life man that would be awsome living off the land alone, with the only one i have now, my dog jolt i dont know what any of this means, i dont know if im even thinking right, but all i know is this is what im thinking now, well talk to you all later, and for some reason i love you all... god bless

Songs playing: Wake me up when september ends, Greenday
Imagine, Jhon lennon
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Thursday, April 5, 2007

anyone else find it kinda funny when your ex used to talk to there ex about, your relationshit, more then they talked to you about it? then they get mad at you becuase, you got them to do something they said they woudlent do, with there ex, and then they break up with you and make you feel like shit, cause they didnt tell you this shit in the first place, that could have saved 3 months of wanting to kill myself, and cutting, and drinking, and throwing myslf into useless and unfound relationships with random people ?
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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

well now
my computer kinda blew up on me, not literaly but that would be cool wouldent it?

its like *surfing the net, talking to people on msn* BOOM "OMG MY LEG SHRAPNEL WTF HOW DID MY COMPUTER BLOW UP" and then you sue billgates cause windows sucks balls and then you get 300 million dollers cause of emotional scaring and then you spend it on all the shit you have ever wanted then you go home, and cry cause you realise you coulda got more outta him

well ok now, havent had that great of a month, got ditched a few times, been yelled at a few times, got high @@, was a different feeling, ummm and ya not alot happening i guess, i still want her, but i still dont, meh as forest gump says stupid is as stupid does
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Sunday, March 25, 2007

i try to hard... i really really do. i gotta stop.
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Friday, March 23, 2007

hrm what to say, well happy right now, she seems able to put a smile on my face, its weird ive known some of her friends of years but never heard of her :S, ummm dont know what i should do got some papers in the mail about a week ago, i need a sign its what im supposed to do,not sure yet tho, thinking on going basic infantry, shoot me some taliban people, well guess we shal just wait and see, well what else ummmmmmmm, oh corban me and well everyone, we are making a movie called speak of the devyl or something to that affect, we are going to enter it in the winnipeg film festival, and hopefully it goes somewhere, we are taking this one seriusly, not like "the job" well enough for right now ill talk to you peeps on the flipside yo /end wigger talk

Song Playing: The Trooper - Iron Maiden
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