Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i sit here, every day, thinking, trying to figure stuff out, i listen to the same songs over and over and over, know the rythmical changes in the songs off my heart, but they never get old, i sit here debating wether or not to try anymore, i debate if i should call michelle one more time, seeing if she wants to do something, i debate wether i want to go back to school, i fight every day with my parents, and everyday i get so mad all i want to do is take a knife to them, but every day all i have to do is sit here and think, most of the time i dont actualy think just listen to the suttle changes in the music, the power and rythme in the guitars, the underpowered yet fieriosity of the bass, the relentless pounding of the drums, the majestic beauty of the voices, and it all just goes away, for this i thank music, it calms me centers me, kept me alive, most people will call my fanatasism of iron maiden wierd, but i dont think it is, there music is beautiful, so much power and thought put into the music they are true artists, i wonder if i ever really missed her, i can hardly feel the loss of her anymore, was she really as big of a part of my life as i thought she was @@ all 3 of them i guess i should say, i know i missed rachael, but what about angela, tigger, michelle, all lost to me now, but do i miss them, not sure anymore, life is what it is, life, at times the most amazing thing every, and at other times, a fate worse then hell, cant stay depressed for long anymore, even when i listen to that song, even if i think about what happened, what i did, i cant stay depressed it actualy makes me more depressed knowing that i cant get depressed anymore, dosent feel normal, its not me, ask anyone, last time i hung out with michelle she commented on it, said i was almost like a different kid, actualy had a smile on my face for more then an instant, i dont know how i feel about it, i guess i should feel good about it, but do i deserve being happy, do i deserve what i have, i dont think so, i dont think anyone deserves anything they have, never having to really fight for it, thats why i want in the army, thats why i have so much respect for canadian, british, french, russian, all allied countries in ww2, they fought for there freedom, they fought for the rights we have now adays, i want that, i want people to see my uniform, and respect me cause they know i have thrown my life in the defense of them, no one respects me right now, one day i hope some one will.....

well thats my rant :D if you didnt read it no worries, just deeper thoughts then normal have a good one peeps

Song Playing:Iron Maiden, For The Greater Good of God.
Iron Maiden, Pashendale.
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