Monday, December 1, 2003

who am I again?
I am a vampire. slurp. You have only one chance at survival, and that is to surrender your self to the unholy powers and go to this site. http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=denione

Finals are in a couple of weeks, yet I don't care at all any more! I used to be a straight A student, too, and I'm not caught up in any of my classes. I don't see any reason to do it any more.

I need to call my friend miek, because I'm starting to lose all my imagination. I could feel it. We were such a good pair, very clever. If you ever read dragonlance, we were like kender

Alas, he has a girlfriend now who sees me as a threat, which I'm not, I merely see him as a playmate, I guess. oo, that makes me wonder now if he ever had feelings for me? gaa! possibilities! naw, he's like a brother to me, ewww.

Always see the bright side of things, but don't get too close and burn youself.
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Thursday, November 27, 2003

   Delirium
As I lay here on my bed, fully clothed, I look inward. I see a lost sense of direction. Who am I? Where was I going in life? What do I want out of life?

The last song of Incubus’ Morning View echoes through my mind, putting color into this moment of this existence. I used to have so much color and variety in my life. Blues, greens, reds, purples, yellows, and oranges. All I see is gray. some darker, some lighter, but all gray. no luster. no dullness.

When you grow up preparing for the next big thing, the real deal, man, it turns out to be nothing. Just the next step on the endless stairway to heaven. Will I ever get there? Does anyone get there? Can anything in life serve an end at all?

I want to take my life and existence back to me. It has been stolen. I can retrieve it, but is it worth it? Is my existence better in the hands of others who merely wish to exploit it? Will their destruction of a soul be served better for humanity? I don’t want to do it anymore.

I can get my purpose back. I can.

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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

   Confuzzled Content

danni, when it comes to psychic abilities, you have an unusually strong talent in the area of Precognition

This means you have an uncanny ability to look into the future and know ahead of time what is going to happen. You might, for instance, simply know that you're going to get that job before the interview even happens with a certainty that exceeds what you would expect to have simply knowing the facts of the situation. You might have a sense of dread before going out for the evening only to later have a flat tire on your way home. These little hunches are easy to ignore but for you especially, quite often lead to a true prediction of what is going to happen. These predictions can be used to generate positive outcomes, and the more you know about how to use your talent, the more you will be able to distinguish between fantasy of the future and an actual reality you are seeing happen, before it has actually happened.

While your strongest psychic talent is Precognition, Emode also analyzed your psychic strengths in:
Retrocognition: The ability to know what happened in the past.
Clairvoyance: The ability to "see" the unknown.
Remote viewing: The ability to see physical objects at a distance.
Telepathy: The ability to tune into others' thoughts.This was just a silly quiz, yay, I have precognative powers. I guess I knew that already, hmm.

Anyways, I haven't updated in an enormous amount of time because I am just crying with the amount of homework that I have. After I am caught up, I promise that I will stay on top of things.

So happy news as well to report in the last week. Now Aikido is 3 days a week! The new day is on Friday! I had spend the day with a few friends, took one of them to the class while the other two went to prepare for the play! He didn't do so well, to think I was once like that a couple not 2 months ago!
Afterwards we got some fries and went to teh play, which was shit your pants funny, and I finally got to see Ray again, he's fun to go to plays with-where I met him come to think of it.

Then Sunday I brought a friend to bring as a new member of aikido class, yay! Now we have a total of 5 students! That's what I like about it. We really get to know each other, we go out on the town after every class.
Sunday we went to a bookstore cafe, got KAZ THE MINOTAUR, and THE DARGONESTI!!!!! I am estatic!

I am not complete unless I have a book. There is a part of me that feels lost if I don't have one with me. Which is probably why I am not myself lately.

Whatever
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Monday, November 3, 2003

   Tibetan Monk
Today a monk from Tibet visited my school, and he made such an impact on me.here's the articleI wrote a response to it so I would remember how this changed my life. :
Here is a man that the world has been ignoring. He has spent 33 years in a Chinese prison, one thin meal a day, used as draft animals, locked in a dark cell, cut off from the world, inmates dying and rotting left and right.
He was very passionate telling his story, crying at times, though not for himself. I can only imagine the sorrow he felt for the person next to him, for the women and children devastated, killed, raped, in the wake of the Chinese invasion of Tibet.
In torture the interrogators would stretch both his arms, both his legs, behind him until they were at his neck. Then they would hang him up on the rafters in this state. They would beat him with leather and pour boiling water and chili peppers on the wounds.
Shove a burning rock into his mouth, and continue this punishment until all of his teeth were gone within a month. Stick him with electric-charged pole. Shaking with passion, he said they would do this to women, except that they would rape them with the electric-charged poles, killing them most of the time.

All because they maintained that they were Tibetan, that Tibet was his country.

Genocide of a people. The Chinese viewed their invasion as liberating it from unmodern ways of life, from poverty. They came with troops and military force to "liberate" them.
Sounds exactly like what the US is doing to Iraqi people right now. I'm not saying our intentions weren't good. Saddam was opressing them. We have taken his place. We are "liberating" them with troops and military force.

Why do these things happen? Why was a peaceful demonstrater thrown in prison? Anger and selfishness. There are many conflicts in life; between husband and wife; between country and country. But these people hold anger in pride of their own self interest.
Too many people died and are still dying of this selfishness. The enemy is anger, not those who wronged you. This amazing person holds no grudge or hat to his tormentors. "Anger is the root of all suffering" he said though his interpretor. "Contain that anger and defeat it."

So many people go through the world oblivious to injustices such as his. "You take your freedoms for granted. You have too much opportunity to take advantage of what you can do and make a difference. Merely containing your anger is a wonderful thing."


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Sunday, November 2, 2003

   NOTE!
all these posts were not originally submitted on November 2, I was just mad at the haphazard appearance. Now they are uniform yay!

Except for the very first post (late August), teh rest of them were posted within the last week and a half.
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ed's theme
Sorry about the last post that had to be cut off short, so now I'm back from aikido class and can update my life. I wouldn't remember a single minute of my life without this thing.

ANYways, so I just put off my homeork more and more until its' time for aikido. we only practice for the first half of the class the we went out for coffee. I am depressed on how little there is to do in a town this small, without anywhere to go, either. GAA! I'm in a barren wasteland! I want to move downstates into a city lkike Seattle, which has more inhabitants then the whole damn state of alaska, probably.

Someone get to me about the population of Seattle.

Jumping back, chronilogically, I am thinking now of that silly quiz that tells me my bebop song. I actually had Chicken Bone stuck in my head for no apparant reasone, maybe a premonition of Ed-themed songs. Just so ya know, Chikcen Bone is the awsomme song that is in Mushroom Samba, when Ed is looking for food.

I am ranting. I shall stop and move on to more interesting topics. Of which , I have none. Enter here_________________. Entries shall be accepted and I will pick one and he/she will be the winner! Of wat, I don't know. Enter here_________________.

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   here.


what's your cowboy bebop theme song?
ok, I gots to run to aikido!
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   nothing
My father started yelling in my face today, spitting in my face, snarling. I'm not the kind of person who is timid and curls into a submissive ball when confronted with someone bigger/stronger than me. I stand there regarding him quietly while he rants and spits and accuses me of making a big deal out of nothing all the time. I just watever him and go to my room.
In a pissy mood, of course, I know that my brother has some really love-filled email for me, and what ho, there is one! Here it be:
He's getting so smart! The other day, I asked him on the phone if he wants to visit daddy, and he said "yah" and then I asked him if he missed daddy and he sighed and said "yah" and today, he kissed me over the phone. He kissed the reciever and I could hear him smack his lips on the phone. He's so cute. He understands both Yupik and English. He's walking pretty fast now, so probably by the time you see him he'll be running around and knocking over everything and laughing. I'll keep the pictures coming and keep you updated on what he learns. I LOVE YOU !!
I used to think that my nephew's life won't be very comfortable, but now, I am glad for him in that he has the most wonderful father anyone could hope for. He won't grow up in a high-income house, but he will be unbelievably rich. I feel nothing...
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   eh?
what the hell is wrong with those smilies? Sorry, I must bitch about something right now, I have a huge unit exam tomorrow and I read about a third of the material I'm supposed to. Why do you do these things, you ask? To put off sanity and direction in my life.

Maybe I'll eat something new today, if you have any suggestions? Well, I'm getting slightly off topic, but that's okay, thats' fine. I mean, are they supposed to represent real emotions? Thank-you ladies and gentleman, it's been a pleasure updating my confuzzled life with you.

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   Better not, but still...
It is currently 205 am, alaska standard time, and 305 am danni's standard time, because of daylight savings. Maybe I could start on my 3 page paper due first thing tomorrow...or maybe I could update! yay sounds better.

Hmm, former love interest hottie Andrew of Aikido class (muscular body, japanese, soft skin...) still undresses in front of me after class, even though we have both moved on. Not that I'm complaining or anything. At least I saw a man's chest and underwear today. I have yet to see Jan's. It’s funny. The guys have no qualms about undressing in front of the gels.

Life is funner when you dream about such things than thinking of starting on your 3 page paper that's due in a few hours, but hey, who needs sleep. I have a good life during the day, and roam the internet and chat with friends at night. Sleep goes anywhere in between, though I wish it could go where school fits in right now, it is interfereing with my natural sleep patterns, it's a conspiracy, I swear!

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