Friday, January 2, 2004

   change of subject
Here is a letter to the editor from a few days ago that I think you’ll all enjoy, in one form or another:
To the editor:

In response to recent letters, I must admit that I tried to get my 94-year old mother to write this for me, but she seems to believe that at 65 I should fight my own battles.

I think even that puppy at the Saturday protests threatens some self-styled patriots, among them the Atwoods. But perhaps the US will soon preemptively attack all puppies; call it the War on Puppyism (with another $87 billion to fight it), and huge numbers of supporters will wag flags from their vehicles, flags with little puppies crossed out.

Rush Limbaugh will come out against puppies, as will “Problem Corner,” in a slightly less literate way. Fox and MSNBC’s talk-show hosts will rail and rant. Jennings, Brokaw, and Rather will all be embedded in Puppyland, their every word subject to military censorship.

Now that’s patriotism!

God- and America-hating, flag-burning, cross-and-Ten-Commandments-ripping, riot-starting, urine-bottling, cop-assaulting, drug-loving, treasonous puppies ought also to concern patriots. They should be executed without trial, in the best fascist manner. Or just bombed. Sempter fi! My Lai! Apple Pie!

Are there connections between puppies and al-Qaida? The unelected leader may say so, in which case it will be time to send in the troops. Search for Puppies of Mass Destruction (PMD)! Root out Saddam Chihuahua!

Patriots know will who their enemies are: Iraq, those protesters on the corner, plus all other liberals, anyone who doesn’t think like them…and puppies. Fear is a powerful force. But then so is indigestion.

So are bullets, for that matter.

Thank God, for patriots who see the world in simple, black or white terms. It’s all so easy, not to think.

Aren’t there still a few qualified psychiatrists up there?

Pro brig-time,
R.E. Stratton
Hattiesburg, Miss.

Can anyone tell me why he says “puppies”?

Anyways, I thought it was an odd method of saying it, but yes, many people are way to short-sighted to see for themselves and go along with what the media tells them to do. cough MTV cough*

And yes, I am anti-Hilary Duff. ;)
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