Birthday • 1993-04-08 Gender •
Female Location • in the darkness where no light shines through...is someone searching for me? Member Since • 2006-02-07
Personal
Talents • smiling like everything is right when everything is wrong
myOtaku.com: Dark4893
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
hello, haven't posted a while, been so busy, at least i finally replied to all my private messages.
my friend who is a very good artist, draw me all cute and i'm a ninja!!!! he drew a whole set of my friends, it's so cool and it actually looks us and we were ninjas. we were in teams too. and i got straight A's on my report card!!! and we had a Renassiance Rally on friday which is a ceremony where we get certificates for our grades. i took lots of pix which was fun. the rally was kinda lame though cuz ASB picked the theme to be Pirates of the Caribbean and they killed it. anyway, how have u been?
what's so funny to me rite now:
1. the person u love, trying to set u up with another person
2. being yelled at for no reason at all [by the person u care about]
3. shutting up (literally) when someone tells u too, then that person gets mad at u for shutting up
4. when someone thinks that ur gonna do something mean to them when ur not and didn't even think about it, especially when that person knew you for so long, turns out to not know u so well as u thought they did
5. trying hard to please a person who doesn't care about u anymore
6. what hurts the most isn't that, that person doesn't know ur hurting, but they do know and don't care to do anything
7. trying to be happy and someone brings u down, then being sad and someone trying to make u happy, what do people expect of me?
these aren't funny, but i have gotten sick of it all, so now they are nothing to me, i don't care anymore, sorrie.
i'm sorrie about my previous post. i'm still not doing better, i'm trying to though. but i've been crying more frequently which does not help at all and makes it worse. the people around me are sometimes making it worse. i'm trying to block it all out or ignoring or not caring at all. it works but some people push too far and makes my situation worse. my friends aren't doing so well either. partially because of me, so i want to get better. and HE DOES NOT MATTER, but why do i still hurt over him? i actually started to hate him but i always end up hating myself. i'm trying. i will not hurt myself cuz it's bad. i will probably regret and hurt evryone else. i choose not to end. i'll be fine. thank you Omnius for lecturing me and everyone else who told me not to hurt myself.
please do me a favor: can u please visit my dear friend Eeyore Lover 93
she hasn't been doing so well either and i'm worried. maybe u could help her cuz obviously, i'm in no position to help rite now.
i hate myself so much and i'm stuck here crying, how pathetic. can i just kill myself? i feel like cutting or committing suicide. i cant help, so why can't i stay away? i just ended up hurting another person and myself. everytime i help, it's the same result, they end up hurting instead. but why did i hurt him? why him? i want to die. i have no purpose to live anymore. i'm sorrie, i just can't be happy. i have to stop lying to myself and everyone else. no one will care, but i don't want to hurt my family. i really can't stand it anymore. i can't stand it when people cut/hurt themselves or stand it when they are sad. so i'm sorrie if i make u sad. but this is how i feel and it's painful.
i've been learning japanese from a friend AnimeLoverDX who is taking japanese lessons!
my favorite thing to say: aishitaru [i love you]
and this one i just learned, but not sure if i spelled it right: kissu no shi [kiss of death]
i think i'm getting worse. my family problems are getting worse but it's not bad. i mean my mom has been suffering so much cuz she's put in the middle which is so hard. it hurts to see her like this. then i always end up crying before school. but yesterday, during geometry (my first period class), i was so sad that i ended up crying. tears kept on forming and i was afraid that if i talked, i would cry. so i was all quiet and my friends thought i was mad. but i was getting better by third period, language arts. but still, i'm not doing good, the past is eating me inside. i feel so depressed, those around me are sad, some wants to run away or suicide. but it doesn't matter how much i cry or suffer, my guardian angel who used to protect me, left me all alone. well an angel is suppose to fly and be free, maybe leaving me is his escape. i'll stay in the life he left behind, in the ties that are not entangled. i don't know how much more i can handle, my time is running out. or maybe it already ran out.
*on friday 11/17 i went to a theme park called Knott's Berry Farm. Knott's closed down the park at 5pm to the public and let's avid (this class i'm taking) students go in at 6pm till 1am, private party for avid students!!! so me and my friends went and had so much fun!!!! i'm tired and so sleepy still. we went on Silver Bullet, Bigfoot Rapids, Log Ride, Jaguar, some spinny thingy ride. i won a teddy bear by accident!!! i brought glowsticks just cuz and i got sad at first cuz everyone was pissed off at first, and i broke my glowstick somehow and the liquid went on my shirt and i was glowing! and i got yelled at by one of my friends cuz he was pissed off. -_- i also got lost for 10 mins and panic. lol i got partically wet. so i had an awesome time even though i cried at first cuz got yelled at. oh and i had to sit next to a guy on the bus cuz we were uneven. i think the guy is scared of girls or something cuz he looked so uncomfortable sitting next to a girl. we got back at 1:30am and i was so tired. i felt asleep on my teddy bear while on the way home. it's red and i got one like that two years ago but twice it's size from my boyfriend at that time. my mom put the big red bear away, so i 'm using that little one. i named it, but it's a secret.
*as u know i went to Disneyland! yay!i had lots of fun. i met Minnie, Mickey, Pluto, Chip or Dale (can't tell), Goofy, Snow White, Mulan, and many others that i can't remember. it was awesome cuz i saw the last show called Fantasmic(sp). it's probably the best show ever. i can't describe cuz it was too good. then we saw Believe the fireworks presentation, so pretty. i got some pictures and recording, and after the fireworks, snow came out from this machine but it was actually soap which made it look like snow. i had a blast and was so happy. Disneyland is the happiest place on earth!
i'm sorrie if i haven't been visiting ur sites lately and probably won't have time too. i've been so busy with homework and dealing with everything. sorrie if i don't reply to ur PMs fast enough. please forgive me.
happy thnaksgiving!!! happy turkey day!!! hope u have lots of fun today, okay? so what are u going to do for thanksgiving and this weekend? and one more, what are you thankful for?
me: i'm going out to eat tomorrow instead of eating turkey. -_- then on saturday, i'm going to Disneyland!!!! the happiest place on earth!^^ then eat and sleep all weekend long. still got homwork though and have to read this super boring biography. -_- i'm thankful for my family and all the love that i've received from everyone and all the bits and pieces that hold my life together (everyone including u guys and everything)! i'm also thankful for him because he makes happy somehow even though it still hurts. thnx for all ur guys consent and advice. but i still have to hold on a little longer.
and i'm sorrie if i asked u these questions before in PMs. so have fun this weekend!! *huggies*
My December by Linkin Park
i finally listened to this song and somehow things suddenly got clearer, but more painful. i was wrong, if only he could ever forgive me even though i wouldn't deserve it. why didn't i listen? my words can kill and i didn't stay away. i caused more pain, and i can't make things better. maybe it would be best if everyone just stay away from me before i hurt them. but it's already too late, my time is running out too quickly.
well here's a Haku&Zabuza tribute: My December
i'm not gonna go on for a while. please don't ask why. it's far too painful for me to handle everything. why am i so blind? why did he ever fall for someone like me? i'm sorrie. i don't want to hurt him anymore. if only he could forgive me...
"And I
Just wish that I didn’t feel
Like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said
To make you feel like that"
-My December, Linkin Park
Coin Operated Boy by The Dresden Dolls i love this song, it's sad though. i was singing it at P.E. and my friends kept on laughing and giving me weird looks. but then another friend who is a guy was so mean. he asked me if i was okay, then he said "you want a guy". i told him, "so do u, but u already got billy (just some other guy who is his friend)". well u have to know some stuff in order for it to be funny. i would tell who the guy was but, he goes on myO too. i don't feel like being mean today. lol but i love this song, "i want a coin operated boy..." that way he can't possibly hurt me, unlike some other guy i know. and even if he does, i could not give him anymore coins or leave it. lol i'm kidding, just trying to be happy.
an engraved ring that never was…a lost promise, it just wasn’t meant to be. that might be my perfect excuse. a forsaken love. i wonder about that ring…
“to forgive is to let go of.
to forget is to never get back.
either one is hard.
neither is not a choice.
you can't choose both without killing yourself first.”
-FurubaRin
i don’t know. it just really hurts but some things you can't get back. i think i have to pick to forgive even though i’m not forgiving him cuz there isn’t any thing to forgive. he didn’t do anything wrong, i did. i blame myself for everything. to forgive is to let go of, so i’ll let him go and the past. it is hard to choose but i rather let go than to never get back. even though forgetting might be easier to do. i don’t want to wait for a miracle that will never come. it’s pathetic to be waiting around for a phone call that will never ring. it hurts to see that person’s name show up on-line and you signed off cuz ur afraid. it’s stupid trying to avoid that person constantly, but inside u want to be near that person. that person doesn’t care and that is not gonna change. i tried changing things, but my time is running out fast.
this song best explains everything to hard to put in words:
because a perfect world doesn't exist, at least not for me...
on a happier side, i got a DNAngel wallpaper finally. and i got sick, don't feel too good. -_- sorrie if i don't visit ur sites. forgive me.
i love ya lots! *huggies&kissies* happy birthday to the hottest legendary phantom thief! he's celebrating his birthday with his girl, Dark4893. (haha GoTHIc MurDeRer...lol)
this is to Dark Mousy [love you my phantom thief who stole my heart]
